I need a hug

I'm sorry, if this is the wrong place for this? I wasn't going to post here anymore, felt I was being too needy and bothering people.. But I've just lost one of my civvies..... He was only six years old and my heart feels like its going to explode. About a week ago, he (Bo Diddley) was breathing strangely so I took him to the vet.... they did X-rays, his heart was so enlarged it was pressing up on his throat, they said he had fluid in his chest, so they gave me a medicine to make his heart beat slower, and a diuretic..and gave me the dx Heart Failure. He had been eating since then, and looking so much better with the medicines..... Then today, I heard an odd cry, and found him curled up in a corner panting, couldn't move his back legs. We decided to let him go, as his condition wasn't likely to improve, since the heart failure was already a death sentence. Did I do the wrong thing?

I will miss this boy so very much, he is the only male cat I have ever seen raise/teach kittens like a mama cat, It was wondrous to see. He has always been smaller /lower energy than any of my others, I just stupidly never thought that he had a bad heart sapping his strength, he was that way from the sickly little baby we found hurt on the side of the road.

My soul feels shattered... I failed my baby

(Frog is mostly doing very well these days, except getting into bobo's food a few times.. tho I guess that won't happen so much now)

/crying I don't know how to not feel this is my fault

 

HUgs. It's so hard to make that decision and I know how haunting it can be but I believe you did what you could for him and freeing him from his pain was a blessing.
Fly free little one

 

Barb, it's not your fault. Please, no blame games here. No second guessing yourself. You did your best for Bo Diddley.

You had Bo on all the medications your vet recommended. Sometimes, there is nothing more you can do and it is time to say goodbye.

I am so sorry it was Bo's time. You gave Bo the greatest gift you could have, letting him go after that saddle thrombosis.

Fly free little Bo, you have earned your wings. wings_cat



Please, do not beat yourself up over what happened. The what might have beens do you no good. The guilt trips do you no good.

We are grieving here with you on your loss of Bo Diddley. Tears are streaming down my face as I type. Keep your memories of Bo close to your heart. It will be painful for quite some time but will get a little better in time.

I lost my civie Libby to congestive heart failure the beginning of January this year. It can be a fast moving, debilitating disease. I was told just after Thanksgiving 2012, that it could be very quick. Blood clots to the back legs (saddle thrombosis) were a possibility as was sudden death. I never knew if I would wake up in the morning to find her still alive or not.

You eased Bo to the Rainbow Bridge, as I did for Libby. There is a Grief forum here also. You may want to post there sometimes too. Posting here in Health is just fine too.

Sending prayers and hugs your way. {{{{{{{{Barb}}}}}}}}}}

p.s. Glad Mr. Frog is doing well. You have not been needy and you have NEVER bothered people. Please, post as often as you need to. About anything. Ok?

 

Thank you both for the hugs... I'm still crying, I can't stop

Thank you

 

Please don't second guess yourself.

It sounds very much like he threw a blood clot and letting him go was the kindest thing you could do. Those are very painful and are like to re-occur within 10 months. Treatment may leave residual paralysis and nerve pain.

{{Hugs}}

 

BIG HUGE LOOOOOOOONG HUG Barb, and another one. It's SO much harder to lose the young ones.

Fly free sweet baby....

 

Barb,

I am sorry this happened. The thing is we can always second guess and ask the question, did I do the right thing and think coulda, woulda, shoulda. The reality is - how old was Bo? My guess probably a senior cat right?

You gave him the meds and it helped for a short period and the fluids built up again - and you would have had to do more treatments and meds and again the reality is - once this kind of thing starts, it is unlikely that it will end well. Some cats can handle these repetitive treatments and others not so much. But with each build up and stress on the body, it breaks the body down and wears him out.

It's possible that if you treated you may have gotten additional time - like days or a couple weeks, but in what condition would Bo have been in? Meaning his quality of life wouldn't have been good. And you would have spent that time, stressing, worrying and giving yourself false hope that his condition would have improved.

So, the fact is, that you prevented the anguish to yourself and family and pain to him having difficulty breathing, moving and living.

Now stop second guessing your decision. Give yourself time to grieve and cry and let the pain of the loss out. I found that Maui is quite absorbent and great to cry on! ;-) Do you have someone like that? It will help, really.

And yes, this is the right place to come for cyber hugs and support. We understand and are grieving along side you.

Fly free sweet Bo Diddley, may you soar high and wide and land softly. You are much loved and will be sorely missed.

 

Sending purrs and prayers. you did nothing wrong. Heart problems can degenerate very fast and there is nothing one can do.

 

Oh Barb--I am so sorry. Lots of hugs to you & your family. I had to make that decision once, and I know how it feels in as I beat myself up about it for a while. But honestly, there was nothing else to be done--my Mr. Big was suffering and I know I made a loving decision. It now, years later, it warms my heart to know that I showed him my final act of love by setting him free.

 

So very sorry for your loss
I know how you feel tonight.
You gave Bo a wonderful life and his spirit will always be with you.

Paw hugs and prayers to you from me and RumpelT.

Land softly at the bridge sweet Bo .... fun times await you there.

:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:

 

(((((( Barb ))))))

You did everything you could do. Please be comforted by knowing that he is no longer in any pain and playing with his new friends on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

 

You did your best - more than most. Remember only you know your cat the best and you made the decision based on what you thought was best. Dont second guess yourself. You gave him the ultimate gift and now he is at peace.

((hugs))

Wendy

 

((Barb))

I don't believe I've "spoken" to you before as I'm not on the boards too much anymore but for some reason I came here today and then I saw your post and felt I should reply to you.

For what it's worth, I have a little boy that has a bad heart. He was born with it the way it is and there's nothing I can do to fix it. All I can do is make what time he has on this earth as good as possible and protect him as well as I can, knowing that I cannot ultimately protect him from his destiny. I want to share his story a little in case it helps you know you did do the right thing.

We found him almost 3 1/2 years ago living in the some trees behind our house along with his brother. They were both cute as could be and we knew if we could get hold of them they'd find homes quickly. So we started luring them down to the human world. One day the itty bitty one was sitting right outside our door and didn't run when I approached. He didn't look good.

We were able to reach right out and grab him and we got him to the vet wherein we got the bad news. The vet put him at about 2 months old I think it was based on his size of a little over 2 lbs was all. Given what she immediately found was wrong with him we decided we needed to get our hands on the other one in case he too was sick. We trapped him as he was much much much more skittish and faster than we were and we got him to the vet. He was twice the brother's size, weighing in at 4 lbs and healthy as could be. The vet then decided they were older than originally thought and that the little one must be so small due to being sick.

We decided to proceed with testing to see exactly how bad things were. They were bad. A bad valve, a hole, thickening.......

He went on meds and we went on a lot of vet visits til the doses were figured out and he stabilized and yes, he's lived a lot longer than anyone thought he would but his cardiologist made sure that I understood that he could go at any time and to watch for trouble breathing or him not being able to use his legs and she made sure I understood that if I ever saw that, that that was time to get him to an ER and that I had to do right by him and not let him suffer. There would be no choice.

I share this this way and I hope it comes across via written word in the way I feel as I'm typing it and thinking it is you did the ONLY thing you could. Which was the right thing. There is no guilt in doing right by anyone, animal or human. I know it hurts and I dread the day I know I am going to most likely go thru the same thing as you have gone thru but know that your kitty had 6 glorious years because of you and that is what is most important.

(((Barb)))

 

Thank you all.. Hillary, he was only six, just a baby

I really do appreciate all your caring..... My family mostly thinks I'm a little crazy, and I guess they're right, but ..... these are my children, I Love them just as much as I loved my human babies (still do of course, but they're all grown up, not babies anymore), whether I am crazy or not, it isn't going to ever change me, so I might as well accept it.

Is it rude to not mention you all by name here? I don't really know the 'rules' in the internet/forums and such.. I apologize if I seem ungrateful and don't post right sometimes.

I love you all so much, because I know that you love your babies the same as I do, and you, at least, don't think I'm crazy. Thanks to you all, again.

Lynn... thank you, that is some small comfort, but yes, it still hurts so much

 

Barb, no rules here and now.

If you're crazy for loving your cats as much as you do, we are all right there with you. By now, you should realize that you are part of a very special family, the FDMB family. We all understand what you are going through.

Hope you can get a good nights sleep. You are probably very tired from all your tears and fears.

 

and it will. for awhile. and occasionally after that even. i recently found myself tearing up talking about my late Kitty to someone and we lost her clear back in 2009 which took me completely by surprise and I had to leave the room as I'm just not someone that lets others see that side of me too much. it's normal and to be expected even though it sucks.

like i said before i don't think we've run into each other before so i just want to make sure you know there's a Grief forum here on the board. so if you find yourself hurting tonight or next week or 6 months from now, know you can always come here and talk. and don't worry about names and such, especially at a time like this.

my kitties are my children so I know what you mean about loving them. sometimes i even think i love my kitties more than some people love their human kids and i know a lot of people would think i'm nuts if they heard that but that's the way it is and i'm glad too i have met others via this diabetes journey who understand that

 

Barb: I had a civilian cat, Felicity, who died of cardiomyopathy a few years ago. I think part of me died with her. Like you, I tried the meds and even took her to a feline cardiologist, but her condition quickly worsened. We were in and out of the emergency vet many times. Finally, one Sunday in January I had to let her go. She was hiding behind the couch and panting for air. I should have taken her in sooner, and applaud you for having the courage to do so with Bo Diddley.

It broke my heart then. It still does when I think about it.

About a year after Felicity’s death, a small tabby cat came to my door and would not leave. I finally gave in. Her name is Bella. Bella has many of the same odd mannerisms as Felicity. She likes to flop on her back and rest her head in your hand. Bella helped my heart to heal.

I still think of Felicity and miss her, but on some level she is still with me. And I think Bo is still with you as well.

You were a great mom and Bo had a wonderful life with you, filled with love. That is all any of us can hope for.

Melanie

 

Love for the ones gone will never die. It lives within us for as long as we live and breathe.
Deepest condolences to you and your family.
Terriy Chicken Little :YMHUG:

 

Ah age 6, yes a young one and somehow it makes it seem that much more unfair to be taken away so soon.

My Jake was the same age when things started to go wrong for him. What happened to Jake, happened so quickly and for me what was and still is heartbreaking that he died alone in the vet office cage and while death may have been the end result anyway, I never had the chance to say goodbye, to hold him, love him, send him on his journey with a tear and snot halo. It is something that I will always feel horrible about.

The good thing with Bo Diddley, you were able to do all those things I couldn't - hold him, love him and help him peacefully on his journey.

I have to believe that sometimes our loved ones are not meant to be with us for a long time. With Jake, he came here did what he needed and then moved on. I bet it is the same with Bo Diddley. His purpose and reason was fulfilled and it was his time to move on.

 

Barb,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You did do the right thing.

I lost my first cat, Cosmo, to a saddle thrombosis when he was less than 2 years old. He had been misdiagnosed for months until we finally found the right vet. She sent us to a kitty cardiologist who put him on meds right way and told us to watch him because it was possible that he would throw a clot. It happened just a few days after that. We had him back at the cardiologist within 20 minutes of the thrombosis but even that wasn't fast enough. They weren't able to restore the blood flow to his hind end and we had to let him go. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

You absolutely did the right thing. Bo is out of pain now.

Amy & Ruby

 

Oh Barb

Thank you for giving Bo all he ever wanted - loving care. That loving care includes knowing when to help him to the Rainbow Bridge where he will fly free of pain and suffering. Please know that we are crying with you. I lost 4 kitties at the end of 2009 and I still cry every night for one or all of them. It never goes away but it does get more peaceful. Sending you healing prayers and hugs.

Robin

 

Cindy (Lynn Lee) is right. You do what you can for these "Heart" kitties...God decides the rest. You gave Bo six years he wouldnt have had. Bo returned that love with his gentle nurturing of babies...What a glorious gift, a gift that helped so many little ones. It was sadly Bo's time but he has earned his wings and has no pain. He's now patiently waiting until you are reunited. This is not the end of his journey.

My heart goes out to you. Please accept my sincere condolences
jeanne

For Bo AND you:
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/mes ... d=18898516

 

Thank you all, I still have some guilt, but you've helped a great deal, and it is much appreciated

 

You did the right thing, my wife and I lost our orange tabby, Reiley at 6 1/2 due to the same issue. The vet prognosis was grave. This happened in November 2002, it still hurts to think about the the pain our poor kitty was in. You save your kitty a lot of pain, time will heal, but he will also be with you. Hang in there it does get better, we just lost our princess calico, Scout on June 18th.

 

(((((((((HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)))))))))))))))
You got me crying too sweetie. You did the right thing, you did everything a great kitty momma would do. It was just his time to see the other side.

Hang in there...Love to you!

Liz