GA My Precious Little Shadow 2/28/2001 - 7/27/2015

It is very hard to write this as my heart is so heavy . Her absence just gets more and more amplified with every click of the clock. And the house is filled with her toys, her towers, her steps, her beds, her everything. Everything was hers and all the spaces were hers too.


The name Shadow was already very dear to me as I had a black pomeranian named Shadow when I was 8-17.
Losing her was absolutely devastating.

In 2001, I took my dd to the Santa Fe Shelter where we met a litter of kittens. There were black/whites and a couple of tabbies. My dd took to a tabby but she was not a playful kitten.
I made a spider with my hand and hopped it around on the floor and this little kitten ( they called mittens) came running over to play and attack the hand. That got my dd's and my attention...
We wanted the assertive one.... Mittens....
So we adopted her , having to have 3 references, which the shelter called them all. ( harder to get a cat than have a baby)
She was a feisty and fun kitten. But my dd wanted a better name, one that she picked.
She decided on Shadow. I was against the name but decided it's what she wanted and I thought I could handle it.

Then when Shadow 5 months old, my dd was laying on my bed on her back holding Shadow and rolling back and forth.
She rolled off the bed and landed on top of Shadow.... but I didn't know it.
I found dd crying.... she got hurt and told me what had happened.... we were just about to leave for church....
and I asked , where's the cat?
She ran away.
I found her in dd's closet, trembling uncontrollably.
We ran to ER vet , 45 minutes away.
They thought her bladder was likely crushed and would have to be put down.... but it turned out that it was the ball on her left femur... completely sheered off so it would have to be removed. And she was in great pain.
We didn't want our then 6 yr old daughter to think she had killed her cat so we paid for the expensive surgery. But it traumatized Shadow and she always remembered she hated the vet.
DD wasn't a good nurse ( as expected) and I had to sleep on the trundle, with the two of them for a few months. Shadow transferred to me over time and of course, the name Shadow meant I was going to be a goner too.
As the kids were in school, Shadow spent all her time with me. And could roam so she could sleep where she wanted to. She was a biter.... a love biter...and my dd didn't like that.
Shadow would sit on the monitor of the computer with me daily.... so even my email address is rhiannonandcat at
when the monitor got switched to flat screen, she just took to my lap.


She slept on me, loved to get on my back and give massages, kitty facials, and bite my chin and she was
adorable when she would come sit on the side of the tub and drink my bath water.... or get between the curtain and liner.


She loved baskets, and boxes, and paper bags.... she had strings which she would bring to you and want you to shake, and little pom pom critters that she would bat and carry around, she loved catching moths....
and i would leave lights on to attract them for her. She would get upset when I had to get up early and shower, she wanted me to stay in bed with her.
And when she felt scared, she would get under the sheet, and go curl around my feet ( with my knees up)
and if I moved my toes too much, she would bite them.... wanting me to be still.
She was my Shadow just like the song. If I got up and left the room, she would too. She'd follow me to the bathroom, or wherever I went.... She even had a box to sit in that was always in the kitchen when I cooked or she would get up and take your chair. She was my constant companion.
She had 7 surgeries total.
as she aged, we discovered the FORL and starting having to have teeth removed. ( 3 surgeries)
She had all 4 fangs removed just before dx with FD.
She wasn't big on dry food but she did like those dry treats and I started giving them to her like candy, and I think they were why she became diabetic. ( but who is to say)

I found FDMB that evening, and started reading everything.... and every one else's experience.
I was determined to get Shadow into remission if I could.
And because of all of you, and learning from your experiences and advice, I became one of the lucky ones after 100 days on insulin and TR protocol. Marje was my mentor and helped me with every thing.
And then we figured out arthritis was in her hip as well as other joints. And treated that.

She talked a bit, but not too much, but my favorite was always the moment I opened my eyes and she would trill.... as if to say, you up? I will miss that sound the most.... as I woke up to it for so many years.
She purred every time I picked her up , I carried her like a kid, upright with her front paws on my shoulder
so as not to hurt her hip.
She also didn't mind me kissing her nose, which I did all the time, and she loved to be kissed on the side of her face.
Shadow was my soul kitty.... and as you all know, I was willing to do whatever I could for her....
except put her thru treatment after treatment ( and 3 more surgeries) knowing that it would completely take away the QOL she had.
I knew when she didn't want to get in bed with me at all, when she didn't want to be touched on most of her body, that the time was getting close. ( the last month)
She came to me on thursday, and came to my lap, purred, let me scratch her head as if to tell me it was okay
now. And then she got down and went back to her spot under the dining room table, her hard floor.
It was then that I started telling myself that I would have to buck up and stop the constant pills , I would have to do that which I dreaded for so long.

I look forward to the day when I can hold her again, her and my other Shadow.
She was a great Blessing to me and as I do with all those I love, I tried to soak up each day, enjoy our moments knowing it couldn't go on and on; that it would end at some point.
I made sure to get pictures, and recordings of her purring, and talking, and I even got her nose print
so I could have jewelry.... I have her little nose in silver and I'm wearing it now.... things I will cherish as long as I live.
I"ve never known a cat like her.... but maybe that's because of our strong bond of love. She was so much more than just a cat. We were so in sync.
I know that I will grieve for her for a long time but this time I have the hope, the belief that I will indeed
see her again.







I'm going to miss her so very very much. I wish I could have made her feel better.

Thank you everyone..... I wouldn't have had more years with her if it weren't for you.
I'll be sticking around.
Rhiannon

 

What a beautiful tribute to your heart cat, Shadow

Have you ever read the fable "The Loving Ones"? That's it's official title, but I like to call it "You have Chosen Tears" It will probably make you cry, but those are healing tears and will help get you through this time...and Shadow will know that as you cry, you're healing too.

Shadow...send your mama a rainbow soon so she knows you're happy, healthy and waiting for the time you two will be together forever.

 

Rhiannon that is a beautiful and moving tribute to your beloved Shadow.

 

Oh, Rhiannon. I just can't stop crying. Isn't it silly? I've never met you. Never felt Shadow's soft fur. But I feel as though I've lost a dear loved one. Reading your amazing tribute to her, I am overcome by your deep love and your strength. I feel weak because I'm just someone that talks to you online and I'm bawling like a baby. Your faith is inspirational. I know you will see both your Shadows again, and until then, they will be watching over you from the bridge. I know you know this, too. I hope that, when the time comes for one of my babies to cross, I can handle it with the same grace and courage that you have. Thank you for sharing your dear Shadow with us. We will never forget her.

 

When they leave us, they take a little piece of our heart with them. But that's only so they can return it to us when we're reunited on the other side. Until then, take comfort in knowing that both Shadows are in a beautiful place, together, and awaiting the day when they can see you again to say thanks for the truly wonderful life that you gave them. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss, but so very happy that you had so many years to share with your gorgeous girl. Cheers to a beautiful life, here and beyond. Fly free, and be well, gentle Shadow!

 

That is a truly beautiful tribute to Shadow, Rhiannon. Your love for each other is shining through with every word. What a lucky Shadow to have been loved so much and to have loved you back. The photos are all lovely....oh those eyes!!!
She will remain with you forever in your heart

 

What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl. I know you will be together again someday, and until then she will live on in your heart.

 

(((Rhiannon))),

what a beautiful and loving tribute to Shadow. You were truly lucky to have each other. I loved the pics. Hugs.

Kathie

 

Hi Rhiannon - what a beautiful tribute to Shadow. The pics are wonderful, and I am glad you have them. I took alot of Mannie too, things I cherish to this day. I know it will be the same for you. It is hard to lose a pet we are so close too, and I think most of us here felt that way too. We've all traveled with Shadow and her FD journey. I will hope the memorizes will be of comfort too you, Shadow will always be with you, tucked away in the special corer of your heart. Fly free little one, and land softly at the Bridge. Mannie will be there to guide you.

 

Rhiannon,

Thanks for sharing this loving and beautiful tribute to Shadow, a beautiful girl.
May She Rest in Peace.
Beautiful pictures

Paula

 

Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to your precious angel girl, Rhiannon . Sweet little Shadow, the pictures capture her beauty and your words describe her precious life. I know she is watching over you right now, as she awaits that day when you see each other again .

 

This is so beautiful, (((Rhiannon))).
Your tribute is so touching; the love you have for your lovely Shadow is radiating though your LL&L family. We all miss her. She is with you, and always will be. Sending you love and light and endless hugs.

 

Rhiannon, I tried to read this last night but couldn't through my tears. Shadow and you were so lucky to have each other. I feel like I knew her even better after reading this beautiful tribute. It's never easy but harder with some. I hope the memories of happy times will soon help to soothe the pain. I know it will be little by little. I hope you can feel all our love and support.

 

Big hugs to you- also crying as I read this. She is a beautiful kitty- I am so glad that you were able to capture so many special memories of her. I never thought to get purr recordings- that is one of my most favorite sounds on earth. thanks for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss

 

Such a beautiful tribute for such a beautiful kitty. You gave her so much and she returned the love to you. Spend your time remembering all the loving moments to ease you through the moments of sorrow.

 

Wow, Shadow looks like she could be Donovan's sister. I too kept Donovan with me for a while before driving him to the crematorium. I needed that.



Donny will be honored to greet Shadow at The Bridge.

MJ

 

What a loving and fitting tribute. And like any shadow, she will be attached to you even when you can't see her.

 

Dear Rhiannon

Thank you for sharing. This is beautiful tribute. I am crying and I feel your pain. Shadow felt your love and she will send you sign that she is happy and free of pain and suffering.

 

Rhiannon, that's such a beautiful tribute to your sweet girl. Sending you prayers and hugs.

 

Rhiannon, you found the most touching, beautiful words to describe your life with Shadow. Thank you for sharing her story with us, and for sharing HER with us here on FDMB. The love you have for her clearly resonates with all of us, you were so lucky to have found each other. Sending more hugs and prayers your way. I hope you have room for them all. <3

 

I love you guys....
it's been a very rough day....
doubts have crept in , lots of second guessing, and I have to remind myself that there were so many different issues with her health
that was stealing her qol.
And of course, I am missing her SO VERY Much.
All of your words are comforting.
In the middle of the day, here, I just felt so alone.
I just keep kissing her little nose that I'm wearing around my neck

 

Such a beautiful tribute to a very beautiful girl. Sending more hugs and prayers.

 

Beautiful words Rhiannon..I know you miss her so much, and I cant imagine how it feels. I havent had to go through a loss ..yet..but I know I will someday. I just hope that I will have the same courage as you did to know when its time..and you did know it was time. Please try not to second guess yourself and just know that she loved you and you did everything and then some to give her the best life possible. More hugs and sympathy from me..

 

((((Rhiannon)))))) I can't hardly see to type this..My heart breaks for you, a very tough day indeed. be prepared for when you have to get her remains though, that for some reason was worse for me. What a wonderful collection of pictures and stories of your beautiful precious girl, we will all hold them close to our hearts and remember her always!

A very dear and wise person told me, they give you "that" sign, that they are at peace and ready, but they wait for us to be okay with it, so there's no regrets. It's incredibly hard, but remember, you took her pain away; you did the right thing for your precious girl and yes, I believe with all my heart, you and your Shadow(s) will be reunited.

 

I loved reading this beautiful tribute, in spite of the tears it brought. The two of you had and have such a bond. I'm sure there'll be a little bit of her following you around, peaking out from the shadows, and keeping an eye on you.

You have some wonderful memories, pictures and sounds - I found those really helped me when I lost my last kitty. I also collected bedding and found the smell lingered for a while.

 

Rhiannon, I learned after nursing Callie through almost 2 years of cancer not to second guess what I did. I know I loved her and she loved me and I did everything I could at the time with what knowledge I had. Don't second guess yourself. You loved Shadow and did everything you could for her with what you knew at the time.

 

What a beautiful tribute to your precious and loved Shadow. You clearly cherished her and cared for her, and she'll thank you when you one day are reunited.

 

((((Rhiannon)))),
Shadow was such a beautiful kitty and her love for you shines in her eyes in those wonderful photographs. Grieve for your girl, but do not be sad: she is in a safe and caring place with many friends, waiting for that fine day when she will be reunited with her devoted mamabean.

Fly free, lovely girl!

Ella, Edward, Rusty, and Stu(GA)

 

(((Rhiannon)))
Thank you so much for sharing that amazing tribute and photos of your beautiful girl. I can tell that Shadow lived a wonderful life. Even though you tried to get her for dd, she knew you were meant for each other. I know how much you are hurting It's hard not to second guess ourselves when we care so much, but you were an amazing mamabean every moment of every day. I remember searching through your condos for ideas when Billie was having appy issues, because you tried everything you could for your girl. Shrimp, ham, scrambled eggs... You did make her feel better for as long as you could. I also believe that you will be reunited, and she will be with you until then.

 

Hugs to you Rhiannon. the second guessing is normal, I know I did too when Mannie crossed. I know too you did all you could. Shadow knows it too. I absolutely love the nose imprint. What a wonderful thing to have. Smile when you wear it, close to your heart.

 

Bless you. A beautiful tribute and lifetime of memories. The community wraps their arms around you. Kathe

 

Your words and photos of dear Shadow are inspiring. My eyes are full of tears, but my heart rejoices that the two of you found each other in this lifetime. Rest easy, sweet kitty.

 

Beautiful tribute for a beautiful girl. I love how you two loved each other. I love her nose print. And I'm so sad that your girl had to leave your side. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

so sorry for your loss, my heart cries out for you, the love and bond is a very special thing, and you gave her all you had and more, I cant imagine how you are feeling, but she may not be with you in the physical but here love and spirit will always be there with you, until you meet again. Hugs to you xx

 

Oh Rhiannon. What a beautiful tribute to your dear Shadow. Thank you for sharing your story and your sweet girl with us. I am in tears just knowing what you are going through. Please know that we are here for you always. Wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug.

 

(((Rhiannon))) such a beautiful tribute to your beloved Shadow, and such wonderful memories. You gave her the final gift of love setting her free. A dear friend gave me this verse when my mum passed, but I think the sentiment is equally relevant for a kitty, and I hope the words bring you some peace and comfort in the days ahead, as they did me.

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
Be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she'd want; smile.
Open you eyes, love and go on.

Suki & Crystal

 

Oh, Rhiannon. Here come the tears. But not just for the overwhelming grief at her passing into a new adventure. But tears for the joy and comfort and ever biding love you two shared, most precious. Precious, indeed.

A beautiful girl. A beautiful bean. A beautiful life together. Still together. Just in a different form; yes, she's still with you. I honestly believe that when we think of those who've crossed over it's because they are nearby. Just out of sight. But keeping watch, reaffirming their love, and telling us, "It's o.k. I'm o.k. I'll always be your girl." And she will be.

Ever so much light for comfort and healing beaming to you.

Marilyn

 

Oh Rhiannon ...

I'm crying my eyes out after reading your beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl ... I know how very, very deeply you love her.

Thank you for sharing some of the story of your life together. My heart aches for you ...

This poem has brought me some comfort when my loved ones have left me. I hope it may bring some to you, too...

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.​

For your beloved Shadow ...





((((Rhiannon and Spirit Shadow))))

.

 

So sorry to hear about your precious Shadow.....I know how hard it is! I also so totally agree with you! Without this message board I would not have had my Sweet Jezebel for an additional 5 years!

Hugs to you and your family!

Debie & Crew
(Sassy -Jez's sister, Callie - young whipper snapper, Darcy & Breezy - canines)

 

Rhiannon - thinking about you and Shadow lots today. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Hugs

 

((((Rhiannon)))) I knew some of your story from the condos we've shared, thank you for sharing your story and pictures, it was beautiful. I cry for the heart hurt I know you feel and it makes that spot in my heart hurt too. I'm so sorry and I'm thinking of you. Many hugs!

 

Such a beautiful tribute to a much loved Shadow. Sending ((HUGS)) and healing energy for you Rhiannon.

Weep not for me

Weep not for me though I have gone
Into that gentle night
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet fight

I am at peace, my soul's at rest
There is no need for tears
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years

There is no pain, I suffer not
The fear is now all gone
Put now these things out of your thoughts
In your memory I live on

Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife
Please do not dwell upon my death
But celebrate my life

 

What a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to your gorgeous Shadow. I know if Shadow could write a tribute to her MamaBean it would be equally as touching! You shared a special bond and will meet again at the bridge. Until then Shadow will be with you always in your heart. Fly free Shadow and let your Mamma know you are OK!

 

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You did so much for your kitty with love. I send hugs and will keep you in my prayers.

 

Thinking of you.

(((Rhiannon and Spirit Shadow)))

 

Oh... I really needed those hugs.... missing her so very much
Thank you @Vyktors Mum Serryn

 

I'm so sorry Rhiannon I want to say something sage and beautiful but there's nothing there. I am grieving with you for your beautiful Shadow, I heard the my shadow song on the radio this week and broke down. I think it's hit me particularly hard because she reminds me of my Vyktor. Given the great love that you shared your pain in comparison must be unbearable but there's no way you'd have given up those wonderful years together not to hurt like this now. The hugs are all I can offer, I wish I could do more but only time will dull the pain.

 

I'm so sorry Rhiannon. I'm crying so much after reading this. I remember you helping me in the past on here and I appreciated it so much. Again, I'm so extremely sorry that you lost your best buddy.

 

My counselor ( because of dd) thought I should have some memorial for Shadow and I told him I had one right here at fdmb.
All of your love means so much and helps me when I beat myself up which has been at least once a day. So I come back and read here.
It's hard to give up this dance even when the music stops.

 

Rhiannon,
I have not been on the site for a couple of months now, and tonight when I returned I see that your sweet Shadow's spirit is flying free. I am so sorry! Your tribute to Shadow is beautiful. You helped me many times with Elizabeth, and I wish I could help you now. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

(((Rhiannon))) I have not been on in a week and I just read this.....I am so sorry. Shadow was so loved. I know about the second guessing and the loneliness. I hope she sends you a sign and that you find your peace♥ Keep dancing~

 

Rhiannon, your tribute to Shadow was so beautiful and made me cry - bittersweet, to see a cat so loved and so missed.

I'm glad this memorial for Shadow helps you. I hope you can find closure and not beat yourself up at all. I've never seen a more loved cat.

 

Rhiannon, I'm late replying to this because it's taken me 3 attempts to read your tribute to Shadow as I couldn't stop crying while trying to read it. It's a beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl and the love and bond that you shared shines through in every word. Your beautiful girl will live on in your heart, and I'm sure she'll be back to visit you as often as she can.

 

Sending you s this evening, Rhiannon. And thinking about your girl.

Thanks for staying on the board and helping so many of us, especially our new members.

Ella & Rusty

 

Tomorrow they should have her ashes for me to pick up.
That's going to be hard.

 

Just coming home Rhiannon, just coming home.....HUGS and HUGS,

 

You're very much in my thoughts, and I say a little prayer for you every day.

((Rhiannon and Spirit Shadow))

.

 

Sending prayers.

 

Sending hugs and prayers for what will, no doubt, be a tough day for you.

 

(((((((((Rhiannon))))))))))))) Thinking of you during this rough week.....Tons more hugs being sent- feel the love!

 

Thinking of you ...

((((Rhiannon and Spirit Shadow))))

 

Shadow is beautiful! So sorry for your loss. I must have got some sawdust in my eyes or something... The necklace is amazing - great idea.

 

What an amazing tribute to such a pretty girl! I sure hope she sent you a sign that she made it to the bridge. You will always be in her heart and she in yours. Her gift to you now is memories and love. She will wait for you at the rainbow bridge.

 

I didn't think having support on a website would mean much....
but to all of you....

It helps to know someone is thinking of me.

 

Every day, Rhiannon. Every day ...

 

((((Rhiannon))))

I've read this a couple times and just couldn't quite post yet because of the tears. Your tribute....amazing, beautiful, poignant. Shadow was gorgeous; thank you for sharing all those pictures and memories. Thank you for sharing her with us these past years. I know she knows and will forever know how lucky she is to have you as her momma. And I always speak present tense with our GAs because I know our love and theirs will last forever and ever whether we can hold them in our arms or not. None of us can heal your pain but she will live forever on in your heart until you see her again.

I've posted this poem before but if there was ever anyone it was meant for (besides us with our Gussie), it is you and your Shadow.

The Ridge by Carol Notermann

It’s been such a lovely summer, I’ve been napping in the sun.
This morning, other cats and I enjoyed a long long run.
We chased butterflies together. I climbed high into a tree.
And now I think what woke me up was that small bumble bee.

I’ve yawned and stretched, and still I feel that something has begun.
He’s standing there in robes of white, and telling me to come.
I always run to Him you know, when He comes across the bridge
To see if we’re all having fun and if we’ve checked the ridge.

He gives tummy rubs to all of us and pets and cuddles too
I’m glad to see Him every day, when He comes into view.
Each day He takes a different cat, and chats with them a while
Then off that kitty starts to run. I swear they seem to smile.

But now He’s stopped in front of me. He’s said a name I know.
He said to look out towards the ridge. The sun is setting low.
I start to walk out toward the ridge, and then what’s that I see.
IT’S YOU! IT’S YOU! It’s really you. You’ve come to be with me!

My goodness you are running and I am running too!
You stop to bend, but I can jump and now I am with you.
I feel your kisses on my head, as I did in long off days
You’re holding me and hugging me, and into your eyes I gaze.

And now He’s walking with us, as you carry me once more
We’ve crossed Rainbow Bridge together. We’re here at Heaven’s door.
And He has held it open, and told us to walk through
That from now on and forever, I can always be with you.

 

Oh Rhiannon, I am so sorry to hear this . Sending many hugs your way ((hugs))

Wendy

 

Thinking of you ...