Having a meltdown

Before Jester was diagnosed, I put food down in front of him and he ate it.

Over the last several months, I have to beg, cajole, plead, warm, add water, warm, add water, warm, switch foods, move the food around in the dish over and over and over and over again just to get him to eat a small amount of food, all the while walking to wherever he moves in the carpeted dining room, because for whatever reason in the world, he won't stay in the kitchen to eat anymore. And each of those addings, warmings, movings, and whatever generally take place within the span of less than a couple of minutes.

This morning after almost an hour of all of that, he might have eaten about a quarter can of food between two different cans of totally different kinds of food - one medium carb and one low carb.

On top of that, Bastian, one of my other cats, is dealing with a tumor in his jaw and I can't just put his food down for him to eat either. I have to start with the pate broken into pieces, then, when he moves into the dining room too, I have to change the texture or warm it so he'll eat. And when he's done, he doesn't just leave the dish. He has to paw the floor around the bowl to "cover it up" - which means if there's anything on the floor near the dish, that winds up in the leftover food. So I have to watch him while I'm shifting back and forth between the kitchen and wherever Jester has moved so I can grab the bowl before he gets anything into it.

And my third cat, Sage, won't just eat her food - she has to eat whatever the other cats are eating, pushing them out of the way. So I have to get her into the bathroom before either Jester or Bastian can eat. She generally has to stay in there until Jester and Bastian have finished or I simply can't take going back and forth and back and forth just to convince Jester to eat something so I can try to get his weight back to something healthy again.

And if I'm lucky, I might even get a chance to have some breakfast before 10:00AM.

This goes on all day long - whenever I try to get Jester to eat. Most days I don't get to bed before 2:00AM because the standard here is to test, test, and retest all day long and if I ask for help on Jester's dosages, I'm criticized for not having enough mid-cycle testings or pre-bed testings.

And I can't sleep in to make up for the late nights because I have to get up to give Jester his AMPS and insulin and start everything all over again.

I can't have a vacation from this freaking life because I don't have any money and I can't leave for more than a few hours in the day. On top of that, there's no place to go. I've been stuck inside for nearly a week because of the crappy weather. I was supposed to see a counselor on Tuesday but the cats kept me up until after 4:00AM and I still had to get up to take care of Jester.

I'm doing this all by myself with no one who cares about me anywhere nearby to give me any relief.

This morning, after nearly an hour of all of the above, trying to get Jester to eat, I started shouting at the poor things and chased them out of the dining room just so I could feel like I could have something to eat and drink myself.

And I feel like a monster about it all. But I don't know what to do anymore.

 

So sorry. All I can say is, don't beat yourself up about occasionally yelling a bit out of frustration. You are a great cat mom for doing all you are doing, the stress gets to all of us sometimes. Having three cats all with their own "unique" (and incompatible) eating styles, plus FD, takes a lot of time and attentiveness, time and attentiveness you can't spend on yourself. The weather doesn't help. Lack of funds doesn't help. All you can do is to try to carve out little bits of time for yourself, for (as the current phrase has it) self-care, to help keep the frustration from boiling over. Maybe that's where these kitties of yours can start to earn their keep and pay you back for all the shenanigans around mealtimes, with a few calming purrs and a nice long lap-sitting session!

Hope things get better soon, hang in there...

 

I'm so sorry... you sound at the end of your tether. We all get melt-downs from time to time and usually they blow over but if you're under so much stress and strain all the time, you might have to work out a routine that allows you some "free" time during your day to recharge. Can you put aside half an hour morning and evening for this? Maybe have a nice warm bath with soothing music playing. Or just a cup of tea and a favourite snack on your own away from other demands. These things aren't magic cures but would offer a short respite and then you might start to look forward to those little times and plan other things that relax you or make you smile.

Sorry I can't suggest anything else but I do hope you will feel better able to cope with things soon.

 

First, sit down and take a deep breath. Being a caregiver, especially for someone (human or animal) who requires special care can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. If you have not seen it, here is an article about the emotional burden that someone first posted here back in October: https://www.thecut.com/2017/10/the-invisible-emotional-burden-of-caring-for-a-sick-pet.html Everyone 'loses it' a bit at one point or another, so don't beat yourself up about that.

Though you are dealing with the physical aspects of it by yourself, you have an entire community of people here who understand (and who deal with many of the same things) and who try to provide support as much as is possible through this medium. I want to point out that it is not criticism when we mention mid-cycle testing. Simply put, without it, you do not know the impact of an insulin dose. So, when you ask for dosing advice, that is one of the main things everyone looks at, and if there is no info there, it is inevitably going to be mentioned. It is not meant to be a criticism. Only you know what the balance is for you between getting the data you need yet having a reasonable schedule for yourself that allows some rest.

You have to take care of yourself. (You know how, on an airplane, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.) Don't let things like getting to your counselor keep getting pushed aside like they are not important. You are important, just like your babies are.

 

No words of advice, just hang in there. You are doing the best you can. I can tell you care deeply about your babies or you wouldn't put up with it. I'm super stressed with my buddy Rufus, because of all the issues that have popped up in his life in the last 4 months. Just hang in there. Hugs to you!

 

(((Shelagh)))



I'm very sorry you're having such a rough time of it at the moment. It's tough going when you're trying to manage single-handed with no 'real world' cover. (Been there, and would have been beyond lost without all the help and support I've received from the members here at FDMB.)

On the practical side of things, is Jester actually eating enough each day or is he losing weight?

Does Jester exhibit any signs of nausea when you're trying to get him to eat? The following link has a list of symptoms:

Nausea symptoms and treatments


Mogs
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@shelaghc , how are you today?

 

A bit better than yesterday.

Jester and Bastian wound up eating pretty well for the rest of the day which took some pressure off.

I gave Jester an earlier pre-bed test so I could get to bed earlier, but he decided he wanted to cuddle right after testing. So I just sat and watched something mindless for a while.

This morning his BG was about normal for him and he actually ate most of his morning food without too much trouble and I had a decent sitting down breakfast at 9:30 - first time I remember doing that in a long while.

This afternoon I have an appointment with my counselor and there's a rehearsal for a new community choir tonight. I think getting out with people will be a good thing for me - even if they're mostly strangers.

And I'm taking a break from mid-cycle testing for a few days unless there seems to be a pressing need.

Thanks for checking up on me.

 

Glad you're feeling better!

 

Glad your day got a little better, we understand, I think most of us have had a moment when we feel really bad, it's not easy to do what you are doing, so give yourself a break and vent here if you need we get it.

And even though the ideal is to have mid cicle tests life is not ideal so do the tests when you can and don't mind much what some of say about it, most people are just trying to help and it's easier the more information there is, both for you to control him and for the person giving the advice but is not indispensable unless he's going too low or some other issue is at place where you have to monitor him.

On a practical side is there any chance you can change all your kitties to the same food, that may help a little bit ( my applologies if I'm saying the ovious and you already tried?

 

Just stopping by for . Glad your day got a little better. It is so hard this dance we do, especially if your kitty keeps changing the steps. Three different partners!! Yikes. What a great momma bean. Go sing, it lightens my heart and soul when heavy. Maybe it will yours too. And your babies will be fine.