GA Frosty passed on his own

Discussion in 'Lantus / Levemir / Biosimilars' started by Ana & Frosty (GA), Oct 17, 2018.

  1. Ana & Frosty (GA)

    Ana & Frosty (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2018
    I have really been putting off writing this, but I feel like I owe it to you guys, and to Frosty as well. I’ve been procrastinating so much, I did the dishes, fed the pets, AND threw in laundry, and its only 6:10! (I got home like 15 minutes ago).

    :(

    I don’t want to go into too much detail, for my own sake, as well as for the sake of everyone else on here. Within a matter of 2-3 days we lost 3 cats on this forum, all of whom were pretty active here, and I just want to say I realize that this probably caused increased anxiety of the other owners here, and I hope everyone is doing OK. I remember how much I hated reading about other cats passing away when I first came on here, and losing Grandpa and Noah within just days of losing Frosty is really shocking to me since I followed both owners pretty closely. I just want to say to everyone else who may be having a hard time reading about all of this - do not feel pressured to read this thread. Please take care of your own mental health first.

    That’s my disclaimer.

    As many of you already know ,after our IM vet visit with Frosty on Saturday, it was clear that the right thing to do was to put Frosty down. He was still eating somewhat and getting around on his own slowly, but his wounds were very severe and with all of his other problems, she felt that he was unlikely to ever bounce back to where he was before all this started 5 weeks ago. So I wanted to bring him home and have the vet come to the house on Sunday to put him down so he did not have to have his last memory in the hospital. Unfortunately, Lap of Love didn’t have an opening Sunday night and I really wanted Dan and I to spend Sundaywith him. They had an opening Monday night so we chose that.

    The IM vet also agreed that Frosty was likely having some level of discomfort associated with his wounds, so she gave us more Buprenex. I gave him 1/3 of the dose on Sunday morning, and he was doing OK. He ate breakfast (although he ate around his pills), sat in the window, and we took him outside with the dog and he hung out on our neighbor’s deck with them and one of their cats. He even used their garden as a litter box (he was such a good boy).

    Towards the evening, I noticed he was working to breathe a little. His respiratory rate was still normal so I wasn’t too worried, but I thought it may have been because he ate around his morning meds. He also didn’t wanna eat dinner, so I used the Buster syringe to make him take his cardiac meds. He wasn’t happy about it but tolerated it. I also gave him pain meds before bed. He was in the kitchen (his favorite place) most of the day, but I brought him upstairs and put him on the guest bed and slept next to him.

    I woke up in the middle of the night, and couldn’t find him upstairs. I looked for him, and saw him at the bottom of the stairs. There was a doggy gate up so he couldn’t get over it with how weak he was, but I figured he was trying to get to the kitchen so I brought him there and went back to sleep. In the morning, Dan got up for work and couldn’t find him. We checked the litter box by the basement, and he was laying IN the litter box. That was very odd, as he has never done this. I figured he wasn’t feeling well. I called Lap of Love and tried to move the appointment up, but the earliest they had was noon.

    Over the next 2 hours, his breathing got worse. He didn’t wanna eat anything and I didn’t want to force him to take any of his pills, so I only gave him buprenex. I gave him the entire dose hoping he would feel better and calm down, but he didn’t. So I made the decision to take him to the Emergency vet. We made in to the hospital and they put in the IV and I had him on my lap, but he passed away before they had a chance to give him any medication.

    I was crushed. I did not want him to be in distress when he died. I have so many questions and so much guilt. We should have put him down on Saturday, or Sunday. Or any other day over the last 5 weeks. I waited too long.

    I don’t know exactly what happened - did he have a heart attack? Did he maybe have cancer and was bleeding? Did he get really nauseous from the buprenex and vomited and aspirated? I can’t help but think it may have been something I did or didnt do. I should have made sure that he didn’t suffer in his last moments, and he did. I am so mad at myself for being selfish and keeping him around. I should have known better. I did so much research and reading on the subject, and everywhere it said - most first time owners wait too long, and it’s better to put them down a day earlier than a day too late. You want to PREVENT suffering rather than stop it. I knew all the facts and still didn’t do the right thing, and he had to pay for it,

    Now,I do realize that there is probably guilt no matter what you do. Those who opt to put their pet down earlier may wonder whether they did the right thing and have a lot of what-ifs. I truly now understand how families feel about end of life decisions of my human patients. Do you take mom home and wonder if maybe she could have been helped with more treatment? OR do you keep her in the hospital and then think, “man, I wish we had taken mom home and let her spend her last days in the comfort of her own home.” I realize that no matter how you cut it, there is always questions of whether or not you did the right thing. But the feelings of guilt are still very real and haunting.

    The one thing I recognize now that he’s gone is how much his recent deterioration affected both of our quality of life. Although I miss him terribly and I am heartbroken, there is a sense of relief, both of his suffering as well as mine. I think given that his decline was relatively gradual, I lost sight of that. And also because when you love someone so much, you just do whatever it takes. Even if maybe it wasn’t the best thing in the end.

    I just wanted to thank everyone for your support, for the last 5 weeks, as well as the past 9 months. It really meant a lot. I hope I can be there for you whatever it is that you may be going through.

    C0CC3661-AC28-4BCA-8532-F0A009E12C3C.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2018
  2. LizzieInTexas

    LizzieInTexas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2016
    I completely understand. I truly do. You were the best mama bean. Don't ever question that.

    Through tears - many, many hugs and I am so sorry for your loss. :bighug:

    Frosty cat_wings>o
     
  3. Sue and Luci

    Sue and Luci Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2017
    No matter what you do or don't do - it's always a difficult time. You were a good mama bean to Frosty.

    Take care Ana.cat_wings>o
     
  4. Bellasmom

    Bellasmom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2018
    I too completely understand, you went above and beyond and know you were a great mom to Frosty and you both were so lucky to have one another, know Ana you absolutely did the best you could for Frosty and maybe get a little comfort from that.
    :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  5. Squeaky and KT (GA)

    Squeaky and KT (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2011
    Hugs and thoughts. You fought as long as Frosty wanted to fight. THAT is the honor and respect.
     
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  6. Cindy&Taco

    Cindy&Taco Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2017
  7. Amanda & Shmee

    Amanda & Shmee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2018
    Oh Ana, I am so sorry :( Sending my love through this very hard time. I hope in time you will forgive yourself and remember the good times.

    Fly free Frosty cat_wings>o
     
  8. Deanna & Billie

    Deanna & Billie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2014
    I am so sorry for your loss :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug: I'm also amazed by your insightful and eloquent remarks about this incredibly difficult experience. I feel everything you said. Try not to get stuck on "should have" or "what if." I would have wanted the same thing - to spend Sunday night with him at home. I imagine he would have chosen that too. And you couldn't possibly have known that he would decline further on Monday. No matter how it happens, it's devastating when we lose our furbabies. I hope you find peace knowing that he had a wonderful, beautiful life with you :rb_icon:
     
  9. Chris & China (GA)

    Chris & China (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2013
    Ana, you did do it right.....You fought for him, you cared for him and you loved him as much as anybody could. When you knew the fight was nearing the end, you made the arrangements you'd promised him you would.

    Life isn't ever guaranteed. If you'd been able to make the appointment on Saturday, there would have been no guarantee he would have made it to Saturday. That's all part of the mystery of living.

    All any of us can do is the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have at the time....and you did that!! You have nothing to feel guilty about and you know that Frosty wouldn't want you to suffer through feeling guilt over something you had no control over. None of us have that kind of control.

    Be good to yourself. You did an amazing job with Frosty. You gave a cat that had multiple medical problems a wonderful home and all the love you could give. That's the gift that was most important.

    Remember, none of us is promised a tomorrow.....that's why it's important to love each other as much as possible today. You did that and Frosty will be eternally grateful.

    :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  10. Shoeskitty-GA

    Shoeskitty-GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Ana, please please please be kind to yourself now. You gave Frosty love and a home and the best care possible. Without you and Dan, he would have left this world much earlier. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
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  11. Doodles & Karen

    Doodles & Karen Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2015
    ((Ana) my heart hurts for you. Doodles was the first kitty I had to make that horrible decision for....it was either a little to early or to late. You managed so many issues in the most loving way and Frosty knows that. The loss is significant so please be good to yourself. Lean on us here and in time come back to visit....it helps keep Frosty alive. Someone here gave me this link http://www.bonfires.de/TheLovingOnes.htm . Although it took a while to read it fully, it gave me some comfort. Many hugs and prayers for you and Dan.

    Fly free sweet Frosty, land softly...there are many kitties there to welcome and play with you. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  12. Hroswitha

    Hroswitha Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2011
    I have felt that I waited too long to let a pet go.

    I have watched helplessly as a dear companion gasped and expired in my arms.

    I have made the decision to euthanize, only to feel in the moment that I was premature, that she might have had a few more days, hours of good time.

    No one walks away from these end of life decisions believing that we made the right choice. Love makes us second guess. Love makes us selfish or protective, or both. We want so much for them that sometimes it's hard to accept that there is nothing left worth having. And even when we do, well, from our lips to cats' ears - they leave us when they choose, not us. I have attempted to schedule a home visit to euthanize, only to find my arms full and my tears running over as I ran a cat to an emergency vet to end the pain.

    It never goes as we plan. We can only be grateful for what we are given.

    You have been blessed by the love of a wonderful creature, who chose well in trusting you. Forgive yourself. Love is the reason for everything you did. You gave him a wonderful life, and he made you a better person.

    We all here wish you peace.
     
  13. sbluhrs

    sbluhrs Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2012
    Hugs, sweetie. Don't second guess yourself. You did what you could do. He is at peace now. [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
  14. PussCatPrince - GA

    PussCatPrince - GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2017
    @Hroswitha

    Very wise words .

    .
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2018
  15. JoyBee&Ravan

    JoyBee&Ravan Well-Known Member

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    Feb 17, 2018
    I also wish you PEACE. We do the best we can,one day at a time. :):bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
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  16. Olive & Paula

    Olive & Paula Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Ana, I wish I had words as eloquent as yours. Be kind to yourself. You went above and beyond. Frosty knows how much he's loved.
    :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
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  17. Sean & Rufus

    Sean & Rufus Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2018
    So sorry to hear this. Rest is peace, sweet Frosty.
     
  18. Catacular

    Catacular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2018
    So sorry... Many of us have been in those same shoes... Yes, as others say, be kind to yourself and remember the good times with Frosty. :rb_icon: It helped us to make memorial photo box urns. We will always keep a place in our hearts for our dearly departed kitties. <3
     
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  19. LexaJoy

    LexaJoy Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2018
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know I haven't spoken to you before. I'm really more of a lurker and learning to actually post on here is a bit awkward for me, but. I've kept up with Frosty the way I've been keeping up with some of the other kitties here and I know that you've done so much for him. I know the way it feels to be guilty and second guess decisions and sometimes my brain still wants to hop on the "what if" train and go down dark paths, but I know in my heart that I did the best I could and gave my sweet Ianto bear everything I had right up until the end. I know you'll make peace with it, too. My thoughts are with you.
     
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  20. Susan&Felix(GA)

    Susan&Felix(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2017
    I wish you didn't feel guilty--you did so much for Frosty, and you weren't selfish. It seems many (most?) of us have felt guilty in this situation, though, whether wondering if we made the decision too late or too soon; I've even felt both of those things about the same kitty. It shows how intensely we want to do the right thing for our loved ones.

    It sounds like Frosty had a nice day on Sunday. Maybe spending that one more peaceful day with you was exactly what he wanted before he let go.:bighug:
     
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  21. carfurby (GA)

    carfurby (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2012
    You did everything you could for Frosty. Don't second guess yourself. He was with you at the end and knew you loved him. Sending prayers. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  22. MrWorfMen's Mom

    MrWorfMen's Mom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2015
    No matter what the circumstances surrounding the passing of a beloved soul, I think we all question what we could have, should have or shouldn't have done. We keep replaying the event over and over in our minds trying to come to terms with the what ifs and there are always what ifs.

    We don't have a crystal ball to see what the future holds so all we can do is act upon what we do know at any given moment in time. You did just that. You made arrangement to free Frosty from his failing body but he chose to leave at his own time. Frosty knew how much he was loved and I'm sure he would not want you to be beating yourself up because you gave him a loving family, comfort, care and extra time he would not have had without you.
    :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  23. Mandy & Rex (GA)

    Mandy & Rex (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    I'm very sorry. You did your best and that's what Frosty understood. Do not beat yourself up. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  24. Rebecca.garfie

    Rebecca.garfie Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2018
    Don't feel guilty or go through the guilt stage it will eat you up. You did everything possible for frosty. You were an awesome momma . We always want that one last day. You didn't know he would decline so fast. Just remember the good times the happy memories. Just know he loved you and he always will. Remember to look for that eagle he will be soaring on those wings. R.i.p frosty may you run free and be a kitten again
     
  25. Bronx's dad (GA)

    Bronx's dad (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2016
    Ana, my prayers and thoughts are with you and Dan. Don't beat yourself up, you did what you thought was best and Frosty knows that. He is pain free now and you will see him again :bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  26. Kako & Tux

    Kako & Tux Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2016
    We understand..... Please don't feel bad sharing. Sharing is good!
    We cry with you.
    ((((((Ana))))))
     
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  27. tiffmaxee

    tiffmaxee Well-Known Member

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    Nov 15, 2013
    I’m so sorry for your loss :bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  28. Tracey&Jones (GA)

    Tracey&Jones (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2016
    Ana, there is no easy way. You loved him nothing else counts.



    Sending you and your family peace.
     
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  29. Ella & Rusty & Stu(GA)

    Ella & Rusty & Stu(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2010
    Dear (((Ana))), :bighug::bighug::bighug:
    Frosty was with you when he got his wings. He felt your love. He wasn't alone. He'll always be in your heart. Look, listen, and feel his spirit. Know that he is safe and in a good place until that wonderful day when you will meet again. :rb_icon:
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2018
  30. Wendy&Neko

    Wendy&Neko Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2012
    (((Ana))) Nothing about being the caregiver of a kitty with multiple conditions, any of which could have taken him, is easy. You did an incredible amount for a kitty that was in your family for less than a year. Frosty was lucky to have you and Dan as his humans. His Sunday was a good day because he spent it with you. Kitties live in the moment and those were good moments for him.

    Make sure you take care of you now. :bighug::bighug: I remember how incredibly exhausted I was after Neko passed.
     
  31. Moms2Tigger&Blu

    Moms2Tigger&Blu Member

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    Jul 23, 2018
  32. Tuxedo Mom

    Tuxedo Mom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2014
    (((Ana))

    All of us will have the doubts, guilt and shoulda/coulda/woulda emotions. Frosty got to spend his last evening with the people he loved the most who loved him back with such passion. Throughout the time that Frosty finally found his forever home he was given love, care and so much love. My thoughts are that the Bupe kept Frosty comfortable and his tired little body was shutting down at the end. I am no expert on death and dying, but I have been present in the final hours of two people I loved very much and have seen the stages they go through towards the end and although the outward signs are distressing there was no pain or suffering for either of them as the mind slips away from consciousness.

    Every step of Frosty's treatment was done with love and compassion. Frosty passed with his beloved humans loving him at the end the same way they loved him all along. Frosty is free of pain...the only pain that remains is the pain you and Dan feel in your heart. Be gentle with yourselves and remember that you gave Frosty the best gift of a home and love when he had neither.

    :bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  33. H.M. Victor (GA)

    H.M. Victor (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2018
    With tears streaming down my face, I am so sorry for your loss, Ana; it sounds so inadequate but I mean it from the bottom of my heart . I always want to say more in threads like these, like others on here, but I'm just not as good with words, so I'll just say that I agree wholeheartedly with everything that the other members have said here so, I know it's hard right now, but try not to be too hard on yourself :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

    Fly free, sweet Frosty, you were loved by more people than you could know cat_wings>o
     
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  34. Ann & Maggie11 (GA)

    Ann & Maggie11 (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2010
    So very sorry for your loss, Ana. It is one of the hardest losses when a kitty leaves us. You took such great care of Frosty, and he felt your love thru the end. Lots of hugs and prayers. Rest in peace, Frosty :rb_icon:
     
  35. Shawna & Davidson (GA)

    Shawna & Davidson (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    Ana..........nicely written words and so sorry to hear about Frosty. No loss is easy - EVER! The same strength you gave for Frosty will help you through this. RIP Frosty and fly high above the clouds!

    :bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  36. Gill & George

    Gill & George Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2015
    ((((Ana)))))


    I'm so sorry that it didn't go as planned, and that you are full of doubt and regret, as others have said, that doubt and regret will be there no matter what, it is part of the grief that we feel at the loss of someone that touches our hearts and who we feel deeply about. Try not to dwell on it.
    Be kind to yourselves, and take comfort in knowing that Frosty knew that he was loved and that you were with him when he went ahead.
    I am glad you got to spend some time on the deck with him on Sunday.
    I hope that given time you will feel able to visit here with us from time to time, when you are ready.
    :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

    Fly free sweet Frosty
    :rb_icon::rb_icon::rb_icon:
     
  37. Pamela & Amethyst

    Pamela & Amethyst Well-Known Member

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    Dec 11, 2016
  38. Cynthia & Merlin (GA)

    Cynthia & Merlin (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2018
    Oh Ana. I know how hard that was to write. I had to let Merlin go 7 weeks ago (yes, I am counting) and it’s only now I can talk about it, a little. I feel we all suffer somewhat from PTSD; I know I do. The love is so big and the loss is so deep. I, too, struggled with now? later? did I wait too long? You are not alone and the guilt will haunt you for a little while. It does get better, but for now it will consume you. Time does heal, I promise. Your mind, and body, need to process it all and while it all moves through you, the love will never filter out. It hurts, really hurts, and second guessing yourself and getting angry at yourself is no different from what so many of us have been through, and a lot of us will go through again. Love is costly, but there is nothing like it. Frosty was loved, really and truly loved, and so were you. It’s the single tie that binds.
     
  39. Sienne and Gabby (GA)

    Sienne and Gabby (GA) Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    There is nothing to be guilty about. You did your best. You listened to Frosty. You made the decision to call Laps of Love. You saw Frosty struggling and your responded. Beyond that, it is fate.

    I had a patient tell me today that she couldn't be with her dog when the vet was going to help him pass. You stayed with Frosty. He knew you were there. He wasn't alone.

    He will be missed by many and your devotion is a thing to be admired.
     
  40. Chubba (GA)

    Chubba (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2017
    I am so sorry. :bighug:
    :rb_icon:cat_wings>o
     
  41. Bron and Sheba (GA)

    Bron and Sheba (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2015
    Ana I am so sorry it was Frosty's time to go to the bridge. You have been a truly amazing mamabean to him.
    :bighug::bighug::bighug:O
    We all wonder if we did the right thing at the end of our kitty's life and question our decisions.
    For Frosty, he was being nursed by his Mama and felt your love as he crossed over and for him, that was everything.
    Fly free Frosty:rb_icon:cat_wings>o
     
  42. Ana & Frosty (GA)

    Ana & Frosty (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2018
    I know this is off topic, but I actually heard recently that this is a common occurrence. My attending was telling me about it and started tearing up because the thought of the dog looking for his or her owner as he or she is dying is heart breaking. I know how’s difficult it is because I held Frosty as he gasped for air and was trying to get away, but those last moments were not about me - it was about him.

    Guilt is a normal part of grieving. Despite knowing that, I can’t help but feel responsible for his last moments of distress and suffering. I so badly wish i had made the decision sooner. It’s hard not to replay those moments in my head and feel devastated. I hope it gets easier some day but it’s hard to imagine right now.

    But anyway, thanks everyone for your support.
     
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  43. Beck and Philly

    Beck and Philly Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2018
    Oh Ana, I've been exactly where you are. I have lost so many fur kids over the years that I've experienced the spectrum. I know that nothing anyone says will change your current perception, but I have pretty strong personal feelings about this subject. It's a sensitive subject and people may disagree with me, but I always try to let the animals pass on their own. I try not to control nature. I've had several animals seem to be a at the end only to have a rebound. My vet and I have agreed that as long as an animal is "present" with eyes alert and knowing what's going on, we don't euthanize. I do exactly what you did. If the end is imminent, and I think they are suffering, I will make a decision right then to go to the vet and let them go as we did Grandpa. Even then, I requested confirmation from the doctor that he was leaving us. I have lost pets on the way to the vet as you did, but I'm okay with that.

    You did everything right in my book. Frosty had love, pain meds, and a home in which to spend his last days. You gave him perfect hospice care until his natural end. You will never have to wonder if you let him go too soon, yet with the bupe you managed any pain.

    Death sucks, but it's part of the cycle. When we hurt as you are our thoughts are not our friends. We get caught in "if only" rabbit holes. If only I had done something different, maybe I would accept this better. Don't let your thoughts do this. You did fantastic. Frosty left on his terms and knew he was loved.

    Take a deep breath and think of a happy Frosty memory to replace any sad one. That's how he would want to be remembered. Hugs!
     
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  44. Hroswitha

    Hroswitha Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2011
    We have lost three cats in the last 2 years. I was at peace when we let Erzuli (Mala's sister) go as she was struggling against congestive heart failure. There was nothing we could do but help her pass, though we bought her an extra 7 months of good time. Emmeline Pankhurst had a tumor in her mouth that was impinging on her sinuses, and even surgery couldn't have done anything for her. After the diagnosis, we pampered her until it was clear that she had nothing but pain before her, and let her go as well.

    The hardest, though, was Simon. He was a feral kitty who came to us in 2013, followed by two younger companions. We got them all fixed and, eventually, they drifted back to us and became our cats. The younger ones eventually became lap cats, though they're still outside. But Simon stood back, and we respected that. He took his time and finally, in 2015, he began to make overtures toward physical affection. On his terms, but we could touch him and love him.

    In 2016, he caught and killed a full grown rabbit. We saw him feeding on it, and took away the worst of the carcass. But the rabbit had its revenge; Simon got a bone caught in his throat and he stopped being able to eat. He was only barely permitted us to handle him, and we couldn't get him to a vet until the only option was surgical. The vet said that, given his condition, he wouldn't survive. We tried to keep him indoors and get some liquid nutrients in him, but he really couldn't swallow.

    Someone let him off the porch, unfortunately. We searched all over that day, but didn't find him until the next morning, lodged in a storm sewer 20 feet in, still alive and crying. My brave son crawled in with a flashlight and pulled Simon out, but he was in crisis. He went into shock and died in my arms.

    In the end, he died knowing love. He knew we cared for him. He trusted us entirely. I am still bitter that I couldn't have done more, and feel my reasons for not being able to save him were just excuses. Yet the rational side of me knows better. Simon lived as he chose to live - free, independent, outdoors, a strong and powerful patriarch. I miss him every day.

    Sometimes, love is all we can give. It may not seem enough, but it has to be.

    Forgive yourself. Your Frosty did.
     
    JeffJ likes this.
  45. JeanW

    JeanW Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2017
    Ana, I am so so sorry. :bighug::bighug::bighug:

    @Beck and Grandpa (GA) said it perfectly. You were an angel to Frosty and gave him love, and a home and pain meds and all of your care and concern. Frosty knew how much you loved him.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2018
  46. Ana & Frosty (GA)

    Ana & Frosty (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2018
    @Hroswitha , your story made me cry. I am so sorry you lost your kitty that way. I can definitely understand the pain you felt knowing that he would only let you do so much.

    @Beck and Grandpa (GA) , I know many people look at it the way you do, and many seemingly were happy for me that Frosty passed away without me having to put him down. But unfortunately, that is not the way I look at it.

    Through my research, I learned that Frosty’s situation was far from natural. Just living indoors for a cat is an unnatural phenomenon - that is why cats can live 2 decades if they are in doors. An outdoor cat will never be able to live that long.

    In nature, Frosty would have died of a wound infection after getting his first skin tear. And even if he was to survive long enough to go into heart failure, he would crawl away into a hole and pass there. Being indoors, wearing a onesie, and being on 6 meds twice per day, with us constantly encouraging him to eat was not a natural situation. I feel that because I prolonged his life artificially, I should have been able to say goodbye before I artificially prolonged his suffering.

    Despite the full dose of buprenex, Frosty was in severe respiratory distress. I do not want to post details of what had occurred in the last 30 minutes of his life because I feel it is unnecessary trauma for all of you reading, as well as for me. But he was not comfortable and I am afraid that he was feeling scared and anxious in his last moments. That thought still kills me. I hope that the buprenex took his edge off, but it did not look like it. And could the buprenex have worsened whatever organ failure he may have had? He ate better when he wasn’t on it, did it take away his appetite and cause him to become more dehydrated?Did it affect his kidneys or maybe liver? Did he become nauseous and vomit and aspirated, and that caused his breathing to worsen? Did he have a heart attack because his electrolytes were abnormal after he stopped eating due to the buprenex? Or for a reason totally unrelated to any medication he did or did not take? Is it because I did not have him take his cardiac medication consistently because he hated taking them?

    I can go on for an hour typing all the questions that come to mind. But I will never know. I can only guess, but these thoughts are suffocating. I believe this is the “bargaining” stage of grief... and there is no way to avoid it. I just have to get through it.

    I appreciate everyone’s reassurance and support though. There is no right or wrong answer. You have to do what’s right in your heart. I believe that I could and should have done better.
     
    Noah & me (GA) likes this.
  47. PussCatPrince - GA

    PussCatPrince - GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2017
    Without taking this off topic , may I just ask if you are meaning a truly feral cat please?

    And that is what happens in the wild. Thing is that for our pets and for people too we now have medical care & we all avail ourselves of that. Not dying of sepsis/ gangrene via intervention is humane. My opinion only of course.

    Yup. That is all you or anyone can do. That is all a part of grieving and mourning no matter the circumstance.

    That's so very tough. You always wish to be with those that you love when they are dying if you possibly can. It doesn't always happen like that does it & it isn't always 'peaceful' either.
    That is a part of my own struggle at the mo with Ty. I was not with Ty when he was dying and he died. He was in a strange place away from the familiar. We were both alone.

    You just have to walk the walk of jagged grief. One day you look up and the sun isn't bleak , the mourning has run its course, the memories are bright.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2018
    Beck and Philly likes this.
  48. Ana & Frosty (GA)

    Ana & Frosty (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2018
    Right. But my point is, our pets are far from being in a natural environment, with all the medications and treatments we are giving them. Thus, their death can’t be considered “natural” if they die on their own. It is simply unassisted death in my opinion. And i feel that given that i created an unnatural, medication - assisted life for him, his death should have also been assisted to prevent suffering.
     
  49. JeanW

    JeanW Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2017
    Hugs to you :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
     
  50. PussCatPrince - GA

    PussCatPrince - GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2017
    Yes. I see your point about wildlife v pets . Our pets are domesticated though and are not wildlife at all. Domesticated animals rely on us, people. We are responsible and so do the best we can with what there is at the time. Assisted or unassisted, death will come. The best is that as they are in our lives we ensure their health & well-being to the best of our abilities. With that comes a price .

    ...and it would have been Ana but time overtook you both.

    None of us have second sight. We do our best to know that exact good time for euthanasia if the need for this is felt and it is available. However the best case scenario may often not happen - just the same as for people .

    FWIW . We don't keep or give our pets un-natural lives. We and our pets live in symbiance. They are in our care and care is what we give them .

    I don't know if in your other post you were talking of wild feral cats. Wild feral cats have a hard tough life.
    My own Ty was an indoor and an outdoor cat. He was free to come and go as he wished except during the hours of darkness when birds roost. He was nearly 20 when he died. He was very fine and healthy until the last 9 months. Had I not treated with insulin his quality of life would have been severely compromised.

    Maybe what you are looking at is quality of life . How much was too much, too long in your personal circumstances. Were the stars in your eyes so bright that you could not see he had absolutely no quality of life. From what you wrote here Ana, that was not the case at all until the last few days/week . That is the way of death. You saw that and you took action and made arrangements.

    I am really sorry that what you wished for Frosty didn't happen & that you now feel you left it to long. Only time will soften that a bit. That and you forgiving you for loving and caring enough to give him a good life for as long as he had. Had you scheduled a day early , he might have also expired a day earlier . There is no way to exactly know.

    This should perhaps really be in the Rainbow philosophy thread rather than Frosty's last lanctus thread.

    I hope time will give you peace Ana. Meanwhile all we can offer is our own love and care and hugs and to let you know that we do feel it and understand. Each and everyone one of us .

    He was and remains a really beautiful pusscat and it is clear to everyone that you both loved each other dearly.

    M
    x
     
  51. Noah & me (GA)

    Noah & me (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2016
    Ana already knows how sad I am about this so I'm not taking anything away from her thread. Of the nine cats and one dog we've lost just while living here seven passed away peacefully in our arms at a vet's office. There was nothing peaceful or painless about the other three. Sorry.
     
    Ana & Frosty (GA) likes this.
  52. JeffJ

    JeffJ Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2016
    Goodbye to Frosty. I felt so attached to him and his story. Theresa and I wanted him to make it for at least a year or two. I think the brightest candles burn the quickest. That was Frosty's story.:bighug:

    All our kitteh (and human) life and death decisions are hard. We lost Scoobs, 2 years ago and still wonder if we did the right thing. But we had saved his as a neighborhood feral, and after 5 years he jumped into my lap for the first time. So that's the reward we got, and the memories to treasure. Your time with Frosty had a lot of hardship. But you also have some good memories to treasure.
     
    PussCatPrince - GA likes this.
  53. Teresa & Buddy

    Teresa & Buddy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2017
    Ana,
    You should be thanked for taking Frosty in, without you he would have had no one. I am sure that he knew that you and your husband loved him. I am sure Frosty was grateful that you took him in. Thank yourself for the good things that you did for Frosty.
     
    PussCatPrince - GA likes this.
  54. Marje and Gracie

    Marje and Gracie Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    May 30, 2010
    (((Ana))))

    I’m just seeing this and I am so very, very sorry for your loss of your beloved Frosty. There are no words of comfort to be offered, really, because grief is grief. All I can tell you from experience is that be kind to yourself and let your heart grieve in any way it needs and wants to.

    I’ve had 13 cats over the years and they’ve passed in different ways. There was only one that I felt peace that we “got it right”. It was the only one where I truly felt I wouldn’t have done anything differently. What I’m trying to say is that we all have regrets; we all second guess ourselves. It’s hard to not do but telling yourself that you did the absolute best you could is being kind to yourself. You have to focus on all the love you gave Frosty and how his life would have been so horrible without you. You saved him!!!! It’s a hard thing to do to let go of these thoughts about what we “could have” done but a friend, who just lost his kitty this week, told me today that he wanted to focus on the 16 years of her life and how happy she was and not the last hours preceding her death. Wise words.

    May you find peace. And know he is and always will be with you.

    Fly free, Frosty. You are very much loved.
     

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