Carbon crossed the rainbow bridge

Today my best buddy is at peace after a short struggle with diabetes and who knows what else. He went peacefully at the vet when it became clear there was nothing more to be done.

Since he was diagnosed in October, he has never been controlled. His numbers have been all over no matter what we did. I struggled and struggled. I'm easily 20K into it. It will take me ages to pay off, but I will always know I fought the good fight. (Though it would be a lie to say I'm not feeling guilty, feeling like I did everything wrong, and feeling as if I could have done more).

Four days ago he stopped eating. He's done this before. I took him in quickly and the test results didn't show anything too off. His WBC was a bit elevated, and like always his liver was a bit elevated, and his thryroid wasn't perfect, but it was all just the other side of normal. They gave us appetite stimulants and some antibiotics. Two days later he still wasn't eating. I was out of town. I asked my roommate to take him in. She called me a few hours later and said, "It's not good". I caught the first flight home the next morning and went straight to the vet. He was a tiny version of himself. They have him on meds and fluids over night but he declined. They were worried he wouldn't make it through the night to see me. His numbers were all over hte place, his WBC very high, and all his organ numbers indicated organ failure.

But he did, and we said goodbye. He's the best cat I've ever had. He was my white shadow, always near me, almost always touching me. I feel like my heart is physically shattered.

The vet said it wasn't the diabetes. He had something else that "we aren't privy to yet". Which we suspected because of the inability to get him stable. Throughout this, hyperthyroid was considered, cancer was considered, I don't know what else was... The vet thinks it was cancer pointing to various lab results and what not. In fact, she thinks the cancer has been there a while and caused the diabetes and finally progressed enough.

I'm mad. I knew there was something else. I even suspected cancer. But for some reason the tests never got run. Mind you, I'm grieving hard right now. I haven't stopped crying, I'm bargaining, I'm angry, I'm exhausted, I'm heart broken.

I want him back. He was my best friend. I don't understand where I go from here. My poor other three cats are redheaded step children tonight. He and I had a special relationship and they all knew it.

I've lost pets before. I know one heals. But I also know the first few days one feels that they will never heal and that is where I am right now. And all the logic in the world isn't changing that.

Hug your fur babies for me tonight.

 

Mialia, so very sorry for your broken heart tonight. Please be kind to yourself, you did everything you knew to do. Carbon is free from illness and pain now, you loved him and he knew that. Peace and comfort to you, fly high and land softly dear Carbon.

 

I'm so sorry. I lost my sugar kitty to cancer in December. It's hard not to feel guilty, even when you know you did everything you could. Be kind to yourself. He would want that for you.

 

Mialia I am so sorry to hear this. You have been a great mom to Carbon. I know the struggles you have had trying to find people to help you with him when you are away.
I am glad you were able to get back and see him.
Fly free Carbon and land softly at the rainbow bridge
Hugs to you

 

Carbon has a space saved for him in the tall grass across the bridge. Too many of our are there and are like Carbon is now, pain free and knowing you loved him.
As others have said, being kind to yourself is the first step in healing. Big hugs for Carbon, you and your other kitties.

 

I'm so sorry you've lost your kitty.

 

I'm very sorry to hear this. I remember your story from when you first posted in November. Of course you have regrets, but you did everything you could, much more than most people would. And this may have been the only path Carbon could take. Let your grief be free of guilt and anger.

 

Sending puurs and prayers.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about Carbon. He knew you loved and cared for him. I'm glad you got to say goodbye.

 

So sorry for your loss, perhaps one day you'll be together again.

 

Mialia, I am so sorry that you lost Carbon, I just saw your post on lantus forum about supplies.
I am heartbroken for you.
I'm glad he held on for you so you could say goodbye. He knows he was loved and I believe that you will be together again one day.
Sending love, light and peace your way, give yourself time to heal.

Fly free and land softly sweet Carbon.

 

Krispy, who left us due to fatty liver disease after he stopped eating for a few days (and we didn't know enough to pursue syringe feeding vigorously), was waiting there the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, along with all our other GA kitties from your friends/family here on the board

we are all crying along with you -- we keep believing that we will all meet again

 

So sorry to hear of your loss. I’ve lost many of my feline family and it’s so hard to let them go. You did your best for Carbon, especially letting him go. Hug your red headed stepchildren kitties. They are grieving with you.

 

I'm so so sorry... We all know and feel your loss as cat parents. I have had many kitties before but no two like Simba and Oscar now for so many years. Simba with diabetes and Oscar with Feline aids, old and feeble. You gave him a good home and love them. They teach us about us. Heartfelt condolences.

 

I am so so sorry for your loss, I know and most of us do what you are going through, I lost a non diabetic cat, my youngest to cancer in December and I was all that you are right now, I hope you find some peace to know you did all you could and know he is at peace now

 

So sorry, it is a horrible feeling. Try to take comfort you loved him and did the best you could, I am sure he knew you loved him very much.

 

I am so sorry for your loss Mialia.

Fly free sweet Carbon