12/10 Autumn amps-251,+2-428,+4-384

Discussion in 'Lantus / Levemir / Biosimilars' started by MommaOfMuse, Dec 10, 2014.

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  1. MommaOfMuse

    MommaOfMuse Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2010
    Autumn has a new habit, she has decided that being a lap cat might not be such a bad idea after all. She's always been a cuddly girl, just not a lap girl, lay beside you and let you pet her until your arm fell off, fine...Sit on a lap, not so much. Or if she would want on your lap she would sit at your feet, give you Puss in Boots eyes and pat your leg until you picked her up, then only sit there for a few minutes and want down again. Now since taking her off insulin, getting the swings stopped and starting her back on a microscopic dose she is not only sitting in our laps, she is JUMPING into them. She is still very polite about it, and still asks to come up with a paw pat, but now instead of lifting her up, we just pat our laps and up she jumps looking very smug at this new found talent.

    Now to address the elephant in the room, which is my absence the last couple of days and my state of being at the moment. Losing Angel on Monday has effected me greatly, Angel was my steadfast little rock of a cat. In the 4 years on this board, I have lost 3 cats, my mother, my aunt, lived through a major upheaval in my marriage, and been so ill that just crawling out of bed to care for my own herd was a challenge and still looked forward to and have been here to help where I could. But the loss of Angel has shaken me to my core. I have tried so many times yesterday to log in and check on all my kitties here only to log back out and dissolve into tears.

    I love all my fur kids but there are some that just grabbed the heart more tightly than others, and Angel had me heart and soul from meow. She was my child, she was so tiny when she came into our lives that while she could eat solid food, I also bottle fed her just to make sure she got all that she needed to recover. Her little feet were so sore, that I carried her in my hoodie pocket or a baby sling, until she was strong enough to run and play on her own. She never met a person or animal that wasn't her best friend. Her all time favorite thing in the world to do was race us to a table or a counter top where she could get on our shoulders to ride like a parrot around the house. She wasn't a physically big cat, but she has left an huge whole in our family. It took her leaving us to realize just how much of everything that happens in this house she was a part of, from cooking meals to housework to relaxing in the evenings, the one constant in the house was Angel being in the thick of it. She would have loved the first Christmas tree this year, I know she would have, she would have been right in the thick of it, helping with the lights and garland, climbing the tree and batting at the ornaments.

    I have been doing rescue a lot of years and have said my final good-byes so many times, and while each one takes a piece of my heart, none have shattered my heart in as many pieces as saying Good-Bye to Angel has. I am crushed beyond belief, it is the not knowing why that my sweet darling girl is gone from my arms that is killing me. I want someone or something to blame, something to fix, something to be angry at, and there is just nothing to lash out at or fix to prevent this from happening again. When I lost Muse I had something I could do, and I did it, I threw myself in learning all I could about feline diabetes, when I lost Musette I learned to read bloodwork so I would catch what the vets were missing, with Onyx it was cancer so again I had a reason and could research and work towards prevention. Angel just leaves more questions than answers. We suspect it was by a missed jump and her hitting something on the way down but we don't know for sure and never will. And how do you keep a cat from jumping? This is a creature that by their very nature are designed to run, jump, climb and leap. So since asking a cat not to jump on high things is much like asking a snowman not to melt in summer sun, its comes down to how to make it safe for them to jump on high places. So Jon and I are scraping a lot of our Christmas plans and throwing the cash and energy into turning this house into a kitty playhouse, we are going to be working on giving them a vertical highway as well as several more trees to climb and jump on safely. Then trying to find a way to discourage them from leaping on the top of the cupboards.

    I'm going to try real hard to get my wheels back under me again and start being here like I have been but for now I'm asking for some time and understanding if I don't get to everyone's condos and if I just plain can't be here everyday for awhile. Right now it is just very hard.

    Mel and The Fur Gang
     
  2. LindaMS

    LindaMS Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2013
    Re: 12/10 Autumn amps-251

    Totally understand everything you said, Mel. When we lost our Sylvester, I couldnt even write to tell you all that he too was a sickly baby when we got him, about 4 weeks, starving, mite infested and pitiful. Much like you, he was my baby for the first year. So I do understand.

    Just do what you need to do, there, in your home and in your heart. The board will go on. Other experienced people are chiming in on condos where needed, and its okay here.

    Love you.
     
  3. Charlotte & Prop

    Charlotte & Prop Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2011
    Re: 12/10 Autumn amps-251

    I cant even imagine how you must feel Mel, and Im so affraid to get there myself when Prop and Berta are crossing over. I was 23 when i got then, my first pets after moving away from home. I just love them more and more and i know my heart will breake when they leave. So take your time and take care of yourself.
     
  4. KittyMom777

    KittyMom777 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2014
    Re: 12/10 Autumn amps-251

    Mel, from everything I have read from your posts and what I have read here - no-one puts more love and attention into their furry family than you do. The very fact that you are scrapping your Christmas plans - which you've already described as something you were looking forward to - shows your dedication. The kitty playground sounds amazing. I really hope you are not carrying any guilt about what you could have done differently to protect Angel.

    No matter what you do to protect your kids - be they human or furry - you cant protect them from everything. Life - and death - happens. It sucks and its painful, but it happens. The hurt is unbearable but we do get over it, we do heal and from what I have seen so far, you have a tonne of love to pour out into your remaining fur gang. You also have a LOT of people here that love and support you, I have seen that too.

    Take the time to heal, be good to yourself. The Board will manage - as you have often said, there are others here that can help when you are unable to.

    It will get better.

    I might not be posting so much now that Silver is almost OTJ...but I am still here and reading posts...rooting for others to be OTJ too.

    Hugs cat_pet_icon :YMHUG:

    Juliet and Silver
     
  5. tibbs5

    tibbs5 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2014
    Re: 12/10 Autumn amps-251

    i used to belong to this Unitarian church and the minister had lost a child due to respiratory failure. she wrote a poem but the last line is one i will always remember.

    "you can't protect the ones you love forever and never enough"

    no matter what we do, some things are just out of our hands. we want to protect them from every bad thing that can happen but we just can't. sometimes the river wants to turn and run a different way and we cannot stop it or prevent it. we just have to let it flow and trust that some how, some way, there is a reason but we are only human and sometimes we just can't comprehend the infinite purpose of things. Angel was needed Mel for some other purpose and there is nothing you could have done to stop that or keep her from her appointed purpose. just like she came to you when you needed her with King, now she is needed elsewhere. she still loves you and watches over you and being such a special soul, she is just needed elsewhere. i know it doesn't help but she had to move on to her next job. there is nothing that any of us can do when it is time for them to move on so make your house fun for your babies but none of us are powerful enough to stop an appointed journey. we have to trust and let them go on and love them for as long as they choose to stay with us. they ARE angels with fur and as such, they are often needed in many places in time.
    love you
    Nadine
     
  6. RobinCot

    RobinCot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    (((((Hugs)))))
     

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