GA 5.28.15 Zoey ... In Memory

Zoey has been gone a week today. I cannot begin to tell you how much we miss her. She had consumed so much of our lives lately that it’s hard not to think about her when we hear the alarm go off, or riding down the road or feeding her sisters. I have to tell you that there was more to the story than I’ve previously shared.

When we rushed Zoey to the vet, I did not go in with DH. I was beside myself with grief because I just knew that I facilitated her demise with a bad decision to shoot below 200 and not checking to be sure she was on the rise. So, I sat in the truck crying and DH came out and told me that the vets had conferred and that with all that Zoey was facing and what I shot, that it would take at least 3 days of in-hospital treatment and that considering all of the obstacles before us, we would not financially be able to continue to treat her. So DH and I made the decision to let her go.

As it turns out, the Great Vet was not there that fateful day. It was the Aspiring Vet and Dr. Google. They never checked Zoey’s BG the entire 45 minutes she was in there, and she never went into seizures or anything else. For all I know she could have started coming back up. DH didn’t think about all of those things during his onset of grief and he trusted everything that was being said by Dr. Google. Personally, I think Dr. Google said it would take three days because it was not his protocol and he did not understand the way Lantus worked. Of course, this new knowledge was heartbreaking to me because I felt I had let Zoey down by not getting out of the truck and facing what was before me. I was so overcome by the thought of my mistake that I gave in to it and wasn’t there for the next important decision. There’s a lesson there: Face your fears.

So, needless to say the past week has been filled with a great deal of remorse and reflection. In memory of our precious Zoe Zoe, I wanted to share some of those reflections:



1) We have been facing financial upheaval that was thrust upon us just days before Zoey’s diagnosis. Her illness allowed us to focus on something other than the calamity that has ensued and it gave us time to let the dust settle and has saved us from burning bridges that were best left intact. It’s better to act than to react.

2) Before Zoey’s diagnosis we were never home. That’s how she got so far along with her diabetes that she developed neuropathy – we weren’t here to see the signs. In the aftermath, being committed to her made us stay home and reevaluate our priorities and take stock in what we have. Appreciate what you have and count your blessings.

3) Before Zoey got sick she was always claustrophobic. In her 14 years, you could never hold her more than a few seconds before she would want to get down. After she got sick she was the most loving cat and wanted in our laps and to be with us as much as she could. She slept with us, traveled with us and wanted to be in the same room with us. That little cat illustrated that you really should spend as much time with those who matter most before it’s too late; and it’s never too late to show how much you care – it’s what will be remembered the most when you’re gone. Take time to love and be loved.

4) This is a big one for me, personally: Mistakes are going to happen and we have to remind ourselves that even those with the best of hearts are going to make them and we have to forgive. Judge less, forgive more.

5) And wait for it … Vets are human. They are trained to do a job and if they are not open minded and willing to listen, we should accept that or move on and not try and convince them of anything different. If they have partners who also don’t believe in you, move on. You can’t blame them, you can’t force them – it’s their choice and their right. This is a litigious world we live in today and good intentions are often rewarded with lawsuits. People are hesitant to try new things or offer advice because the horror stories are out there. I work in the legal field. I know how it works and I appreciate all who dare to venture into the world of good deeds and trying something new. It’s a gamble and some just aren’t willing to take that risk. I’ve been too hard on the vets and made a mistake in assuming the Great Vet would always be in control. You’re only as strong as your weakest link and in our case, Dr. Google was the weakest link. Trust and honor your convictions.

6) When your world is filled with darkness, you have to look for the light. The posts and interactions, the candles and the sympathies – they were all little pieces of light that lit up our dark world (dark from things you knew nothing about) and reminded us of the goodness of strangers and that kindness and sacrifice for others still exists (Just think of the time the moderators and advisors put into this site). It’s very easy to focus on the negative and see only the bad in people and in life – but there’s much more out there and Zoey’s sickness brought that to the forefront for us. Always look for the light in a moment of darkness.

7) And lastly: You cannot will the impossible. I foolishly made a statement that we were due a win and Zoey was our win. Turns out, Zoey was our ship during a storm. She kept us focused on what mattered, allowed us to slow down and rechart our course, and reminded us to love and appreciate what we have while we have it. Be humble and thankful.

There’s no doubt that Zoey will always have a special place in our hearts and that we are better today because of the experience of these past few months: Interacting with each of you and embracing the heartaches and lessons before us; so always look for the good in every bad situation, never give in before the last breath, learn to find something positive to focus on and make lemonade out of lemons at every chance – oh, and continue to light up the dark. That’s what I hope everyone takes away from their time with Zoey.

Thank you all for being such wonderful dance partners!

 

What a glorious and powerful post, Rose

Thank you so much for taking the time to share Zoey with all of us. We are all better for "knowing" her

 

Try not to second guess yourself in hindsight. You did a great job caring for and loving Zoey.
I know it's easy to say and hard to do. Sometimes it's just our time.
She knows how much you love her.

And the lessons are all valid.

 

Dear. dear Rose (((HUGS)))

You must not blame yourself at all for the final day. It is so common to self-blame when a loved one passes. I still blame myself for my Dad's passing 39 years ago, when I was only 22, and my husband's, 13 years ago...because I should have done more..I should have pushed the doctors harder to find more aggressive treatment...I should have had more money to find other treatment options...I should have recognized the signs earlier.....and on and on

You and DH did more than I could ever imagine myself being capable of, even though I love my kitty(s) dearly. Your time and devotion when Zoey really needed you is an inspiration to all of us here. That morning when I saw your photo of Zoey in the garden, I somehow knew right away that this was to be her last day. You spent a wonderful day with her and allowed her to "drink" in all the sights and sounds that her kitty spirit would carry with her over the bridge. In spite of all Zoey's problems you and DH fought a valiant battle, but you also had so much love that you gave the hardest, most love-filled gift of all and allowed her to escape her tired and exhausted little body.

Your deep thoughts on love and life are wonderful and show how amazing you are. Thank you so so much for coming and sharing this wonderful tribute to Zoey and her amazing parents.

Wishing you and DH peace and strength, combined with all your wonderful memories of Zoey to carry you through the tears and grief.

 

Dear Rose and DH

What a wonderful tribute to Zoey's memory, thank you for your frank and honest story of her last few days. You must not dwell on what might have been, I truly believe it was Zoey's time and she made the decision, she wanted peace and you gave her the greatest gift of love by setting her free. You are an amazing couple and filled her life with love and tenderness, and have been an inspiration to us all. I hope you find comfort and solace in the wonderful memories you have of Zoey in better times and that these help mend your broken hearts. I'm sure Zoey would not want you to grieve for her.

Someone passed this poem to me when my mum passed, it brought me great comfort at the time and I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you. The words are just as appropriate for a dearly loved cat.

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want; smile.
open you eyes, love and go on.



Suki & Crystal

 

Tears are falling down my face as I read your beautiful tribute and reflections. You did everything in your power for Zoey and for that her life and yours and your husband's were better for it. It's so easy to second guess after such a difficult decision. DON'T PLEASE. Everything you did was out of love, including the final decision. The experts were there to guide you. You gave that final gift thinking of her and not yourselves. Every move you made was based upon what you knew at the moment. It would be great to be able to go back in time with the knowledge that we have today but that is not possible. Be kind to yourself. You deserve that.

 

(((((Rose & DH)))))

What a touching tribute to Zoey and what our kitties teach us each and every day. I often think that our cats are very wise and that we have to be smart and sensitive enough to listen for the lessons they can teach us. I think you have encapsulated many of those lessons in a meaningful way. What a beautiful legacy Zoey has left you and that you've shared with us all.

 

Our sugarbabies teach us so much (whether it's something we want to learn or not!). Thank you for sharing Zoey's story. You and DH are wonderful and caring beans who did so much for your girl. She was lucky to be with you.
Liz

 

What a beautiful and thought-provoking tribute to sweet Zoey.......

 

(((Rose and DH))) Thank you for sharing your reflections. Living with a diabetic cat indeed teaches us many things. Having a complicated diabetic cat, even more so about what is really important in our lives. Watching your love and care for sweet Zoey was humbling and inspirational to me.

 

What a beautiful tribute to Zoey. Thank you for sharing and being such a wonderful person. I'm going to read those 7 lessons regularly to remind myself of what helps make a good person.

Hugs and Headbutts,
Matt, Ava, KiKi and JuJu

 

(((Rose and DH)))) I agree with the others, it's all about forgiveness No one could have predicted the outcome of that day, not your vet, not you, no one. All we can hope is to do the best we can in the heat of the moment. And when it's all said and done, all that really matters is what was true, and truly felt- and how we treated one another when we were alive! All I have to do is look at the picture of her in your arms and in her little t shirt, and I can see clearly you and your DH loved Zoey with all your hearts and put her best interests first and foremost. That's all anyone could hope for in the end. I will never ever forget her or you, thank you for sharing your story and Zoey with us!

 

What a beautiful tribute to your Zoey, Rose. She will live on forever in your heart.

Please, please don't blame yourself for that last day - it looked so much from the picture you posted that day of Zoey that she had chosen to have one last, perfect day with you - doing all the things she enjoyed, relaxing and feeling the love that you and DH have for her. She didn't even let those scarily low numbers affect her last day.

I firmly believe that, especially for our beloved pets who have no real concept of tomorrow, that it's quality of time not quantity - and no-one could have done more for Zoey and given her better quality of time than you did. It's surely better to remember her last day as such a happy one for her - if you had waited, maybe too long, you might not have that perfect day to think back on when you remember her. Look at the love and trust in her eyes in your pictures of her and remember that in the end, she was trusting you to let her go when it was time - she chose her time, trusting you to know that she'd chosen.

Thank you for sharing the lessons you learned on your journey with Zoey - they are important ones, and things none of us should ever forget. And above all, thank you for sharing your precious Zoey with us on your journey with her. I am crying typing this, but I wouldn't have missed a moment of the time you shared with us all. You and DH are wonderful, caring, patient beans - Zoey knows how much she is loved, by you and by everyone here, and in the end you gave her the greatest gift you could by setting her free when her body was failing her.

 

After reading your incredible story of Zoey, Rose, I found myself overwhelmed with deep empathy for you and DH. I never knew anything about you until I came upon these preceding posts but I feel we are somehow united in our love for our animals and in the ministering of these wonderful human beings on the FDMB. As I consider our 4 special needs kitties, all rescues, I am aware that your pain is my pain and I am grateful for this experience.
If this makes no sense, it's ok. Just bless you so much for sharing your story. I am holding you and Zoey in my heart and prayers.

 

Thank you Rose

Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing the lessons that you learnt with us. You have certainly helped me to look for the light and the inspiration provided by you and Zoey is something I will never forget. I remember feeling a bit sooky one day, meanwhile you were having connection issues so had driven off down the road somewhere to connect and were sitting there waiting for advice. Your positive attitude in Zoey's condos certainly made me pull my socks up on my own attitude and I am the better for it.

I hope you have really taken to heart the lesson about forgiveness. We are always left with the 'what ifs' after something like this but it doesn't pay to dwell on that in a negative way. When you know that you did your best (and no one can doubt that you did) then the only thing you can do is take the lessons learnt to heart as you seem to be doing. You are an amazing woman and I'm glad to have had the opportunity to know you.

FWIW I also think that Zoey was ready to go. She had a wonderful last day and said goodbye to her kitty siblings and personally I would rather see my babies go out that way, on a high.

 

Dear Rose - how very generous of you to share your reflections while grieving the loss of your precious Zoey. She is now an angel-kitty, free of pain and restored to good health. Fly free, little Zoey, you taught us so much and we`ll all miss you.

 

(((Rose)))
What a beautiful and powerful tribute.
Thank you so much for sharing your reflections.
I will keep them in my heart, and think of Zoey every time I search in my heart for these wisdom.
Fly free, Zoey.
Sending comfort vines and hugs to you and your DH.

 

((Rose))

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful, poignant story of love. I know your grief is profound and little is there to comfort you. For whatever it is worth, we are all here to support you. You, your DH, and Zoey are family forever.

 

{{{Rose}}}

I purposely waited until today to read your tribute, because I knew it would make me cry and I just couldn't face it. Now I wish I had read it sooner. Oh, I did cry, but your words are so profound and moving that they have helped me tremendously as I face my own issues. You are a very wise person and we are all better for having "known" you. Please do not continue to feel guilty about that last day. I agree with the others that Zoey told you she was ready and you gave her the most perfect send off. You and your dear DH have been and continue to be a great inspiration to me. May you be blessed with all kinds of good fortune in the future, and may you always remember these lessons you shared with us, so you can recognize that good fortune when it presents itself.

 

oh rose, your post has touched me profoundly. Zoey was lucky to have you, but I see you were also lucky to have her. There is so much to be learned in the daily walk of life, even something as ordinary as taking care of our beloved pets.

Thank you for sharing your reflections and thoughts - and I would join the chorus and add that I hope you will not look back and be hard on yourself. Hindsight can be so cruel, so just look forward. You acted out of complete love for Zoey and we make the best choices we can, with what we know at the moment.

I would trust you any day to take care of one of my cats.

 

Rose, that was beautiful to read, a lovely tribute to your loving Zoey. I didn't get to write in on her last day, as I was still mourning the loss of my Eegie the day before. I know your heartbreak. I know the feelings of guilt to which you refer. I know you and I did all we could, that we're not perfect, that we loved our babies with all our heart. I'm so sorry to hear your full story of that night, of your experience that lead to your most difficult decision. Your attitude and takeaway from what happened is touching and beautiful, and might help me put things in perspective as well.

In the meantime, our hearts break - but we know we did all we could do - the best we could do it. I know, like me, you wish for even another minute. Despite the holes in our hearts, I know we'll get used to that hole and move on - our version of healing. Keep Zoey in your heart, and she will live on in you, as I keep Eegie in mine. My deepest condolences - and my wishes for you to find comfort.

 

Rose, what a wonderful tribute to Zoey. Zoey was so lucky to have you. I am with the others: try not to be so hard on yourself, always look forward never back. Hindsight is indeed very cruel. You were and are such a wonderful caregiver. I had many the same emotions when my Mannie crossed, so many should haves and what ifs. We all do the bests w can, as did you. Zoey knows you loved her, cared for her, and there is no doubt she was grateful. Hugs to you and your DH. Zoey will alwyas be with you, tucked away n a corner of your heart. Fly free Zoey, you will be greatly missed.

 

A beautiful tribute to a beautiful relationship and love.

Every since one of my babies I've lost, I can look back and find things I regret horribly doing/not doing. But I've learned that we do a disservice to them when we waste our memories of them on the regret. We do everything to the best of our capability in that moment, and they'd expected nothing more from us. They make us better pet parents going forward because we learn. We can regret we didn't know something different then, or we can just remember the love and wonderful times we had with them.

 

Dear ((((Rose and D.H.)))),
Zoey loved you so much and trusted you to do the right thing when it came time for her to say farewell. Everything about her farewell day reflected her inner peace and her beautiful soul. Zoey knew. Please don't linger on what might have been. Zoey taught you (and us) such valuable lessons. She will always be there for you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us.

In remembrance of Zoey,

Ella & Rusty

 

Rose, what a beautiful post in memory of Zoey. Never second guess yourself, your actions show how much you loved her, and believe me, she knew it. Comfort to you, DH, and family. Fly free Zoey and watch over your beans

 

Oh, so we have another angel kitty, Eegie, up there flying free and being spoiled in their heavenly home. They are fine and incredibly happy and at peace. We are sad and our hearts are aching. I have lost 6 kitties over the years and it never gets any easier but they were each so special and we were so blessed to have them in our lives! It is like waking up to beautiful, graceful, playful, fuzzy miracles every morning. They are with us in spirit and I already told the Lord if my kitties aren't in heaven when I get there, I'm not staying because it won't be heaven for me without them. He said" No problem. They will be waiting".
As you grieve yourEegie I will hold you in my prayers and heart. Celebrate the life he shared with you, Sgans!

 

As pet owners, all we can aspire to is to give them the best life possible. It's clear that Zoey enjoyed just that. No regrets, just the happiness and joy of all of the wonderful moments you shared together during life, secure in the knowledge that you'll see each other again someday.