GA 7/27 Shadow

yesterday

.... got a 9 am appt and we just returned from vet.
her intestines felt braided but she didn't feel any masses/tumors (it made her very uncomfortable to be felt up and she bit me a few times - good she has little teeth and I don't care anyway)
there really isn't anything to do except increase the prednisolone which of course will make her feel worse and
raise her sugars....
I could also give her more pain medication... day and night.
Her vitals were all good.....but you can tell by her eyes, she's feeling so poorly.
The vet was ready then and there but I told her I wanted it to be at home.
we discussed waiting a while longer, or not..... and I decided keeping her going is just for me, not for her.
her q0l isn't very high with her not wanting to be held, or lay on me, she didn't even want me under the dining room table with her, she kept moving away last night.
She's having to go to the litter box several times a day now and it obviously is hurting her since she never was one to cry out.

I've got her scheduled for 2 pm today, they will come here to the house.
I can change my mind and I'm thinking about it.
I'm going to take a shower as soon as I finish typing and think really hard, searching my heart.
My brain knows it's the kinder thing to do, and of course, my heart doesn't want it to be.
She's just go so much going on.... her hip hurts, her arthritis hurts, her intestines hurt, she doesn't want to eat
much of anything....
about all she enjoys right now is getting her chin scratched, and maybe getting to chatter at a bird she sees out the window.

I've been preparing myself for weeks.... and I know I can have another day..... but it's not going to be any better tomorrow or the next day.
I did tell them I wouldn't bring her body out until tomorrow.... I need time to accept it and have that closure.
I tend to have dreams that they are still here and stop believing they are really gone so I have to see it for hours that they /she is really not here anymore. ( and the crematorium picks up on thursdays only anyway)

I wish so much it could be different or there was something to do to make her feel better ... and this is the only thing, to set her free from her failing body.

okay... i gotta go cry in the shower now.....

 

Oh Rhiannon! I know this is so hard, but so is watching Shadow be miserable. When we lost Cleo I blamed myself for months afterwards for not letting her go sooner. You are doing what is best for Shadow, not yourself. It is the hardest , most generous thing you can do for her. Keeping you both in our hearts today!

 

Oh Rhiannon, I am wrapping a giant hug around you right now!!!! I am so sorry that it is Shadow's time. You are an amazing bean putting her needs first. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Sending much love to you

 

I can't imagine what you're going through today, Rhiannon. You do so much to put her needs first and selflessly care for her. I'll be thinking about you both, sending love and peace.

 

Our hearts and prayers are with you

 

So sorry, Sending prayers and hugs.

 

My heart and prayers are with you. You always have put Shadow first. A wise vet told me try everything so you have no regrets. You gave done that. He also told me that Tiffany would not make it easy for me and that I would have to make that final decision for her. He was right. You are giving her that last gift that is oh so hard to do. I'm sending you the biggest cyber hug as I cry with you and celebrate the life of your soul kitty.

 

((((((Rhiannon)))))))) I wish I could jump through the computer screen and give you a big hug!!! You are in our hearts and prayers always, and yes, I am crying with you!!!

... When I knew it was getting close to our time, I found this post. It took a long time for me to be able to read through it, but this helped me sort of make some sense of things. For now, let yourself cry, feel the love for your precious little girl, imprint those memories deeply into your heart.
When The Moment Comes

 

I'm so sorry, sending hugs and thoughts and prayers.

 

Dear Rhiannon

I am so sorry. Your have done everything you could and provided best care for your precious Shadow. She really knows that.

Sending prayers and hugs.

 

((((Rhiannon))))

I am so very sorry but the post Ruth linked is so true. You have gone above and beyond to love your girl and take the very best care of her. I'm sending tons of prayers that her crossing is peaceful and that you will find peace in your heart knowing you gave her the ultimate gift of love by setting her free from the pain.

Thinking of you today...holding you close in my heart.

 

So very sorry you have to make that decision. Will keep you & Shadow in my thoughts and prayers.

 

My thoughts are with you and Shadow. Whatever decision you make, it will be the right decision. She's been a huge part of your life -- and you hers. Have peace in your heart and give that kitty some extra scritches under her chin. There will be friends waiting her when she learns to fly free.

 

Aww, Rhiannon..........................
Shadow knows she can count on your love... the great love you've given and shown her all along.
Sending you strength and peace for whatever your decision.
You and Shadow are in our hearts and thoughts.

 

(((Rhiannon)))

So very sorry that it's time for Shadow to leave you, but as others have said, you're doing what's best for her and giving her the final gift any of us have to give.

Fly free Sweet Shadow and land softly....There are many at the Bridge to welcome you and keep you company until the one you love most comes to be with you forever

 

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and Shadow. ((((Rhiannon)))) You are a great bean and it is so hard.

 

You and she are one. So close. So knowing.

My prayers for peace for you both, healing for you both, and light that will last an eternity to envelop you both.

We are with you....

Safe passage little one. You'll be taking pieces of many hearts.

Shared tears, Rhiannon. And bless you for listening to your Shadow. Most difficult.

Marilyn

 

(((Rhiannon))), I am typing this with tears on my keyboard. You know your black and white girl, your physical shadow, your Shadow so well. I too wish I could reach across the distance and give you a big long hug. I know you are kissing Shadow many times today, please add one for me too. She is loved (also by many here) and blessed to have you as her bean.

Wishing for the most peaceful of crossings for your brave girl.

 

Rhiannon, I am so very sorry... it is never easy, even when we know. You are so close with Shadow, and you have listened to her. I think she will thank you for your decision. It is so hard when their bodies begin to fail them. It is the last gift, the most loving gift, we can give them, to set them free. Peace be with you Shadow, and safe passage.

 

Big hugs, Rhiannon. You and Shadow have done your absolute best, both of you.
Liz

 

It is the hardest thing to let them go but it is the right thing. Know that you are in our thoughts today and for the hard days to come.

Anne & Hyde

 

Oh, Rhiannon, I am crying as I write these words. You have done your so much for your precious Shadow, and sometimes the kindest, most unselfish thing we can do for our beloved fur babies is to set them free from pain. My thought and prayers are with you.

Shadow, my friend, I see you again someday at da Rainbow Bridge, we be like young kitties again...
Wuv,
Lulu

 

Rhiannon I am crying as I type this. I know how hard this is for you. I wish Shadow a peaceful crossing. I am so sorry it is her time. She will be free of pain and she knows you have so much love for her as she you. Thoughts and prayers are with today during this very hard time.
Paula

 

So very sad to read this (((Rhiannon))), go in peace little one surrounded by love.

 

{{{Rhiannon}}}

I am just heartbroken. I understand the conflict within you as you make this most difficult decision. I know you will have Shadow's best interests in mind, but it's so hard not to let our hearts take over at times like this. I, too, have regrets about kitties that I lost, that I hung on to them too long, selfishly, and allowed them to suffer because I could not let go. I know you will not do that with Shadow, and if she is ready, you will send her on her way with great love and compassion. Let her tell you if she is ready, and know that she loves you so. I'm sure she doesn't want to be parted, either. I pray you will make a decision you can be comfortable with, and look back only with love - no regrets.

Many prayers and hugs to you and chin scritches to sweet, beautiful Shadow.

 

Oh my heart is breaking for you. Shadow truly had the best life a cat could wish for for she had you. Never forget that. Cherish and hold dear the wonderful memories and times you had with Shadow. She'll always be forever with you.

 

Rhiannon, I'm SO SO sorry....BIG HUGE LOOOOOOONG hug. Soar high on your new angel wings sweet girl....you're so loved.

 

I am so sorry.

 

(((Rhiannon)))

You have given Shadow all your love and time and care and now you are willing to give the greatest gift of love. The greatest act of love is allowing your furbaby to be pain free and at peace. May the wonderful memories give you strength and peace at this most difficult time.

 

Rest in peace dear Shadow. So sorry Rhiannon.

 

Rhiannon, I'm so sorry it's Shadow's time. You've done everything you can for her and now you're doing the last thing you can to help her by letting her go so she can be free and healthy again. Sending prayers and hugs.

 

I'm so sorry, Rhiannon.

 

fly free sweet Shadow

 

<3 *hugs*

 

RhiannonI can't tell you how sad I am to read this, this morning.
I know how hard it is to make this decision. It is a really hard time.
Thinking of you and beautiful Shadow.

 

{{{{Rhiannon}}}}
I am so very sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts today and sending you love.

 

From my mother and me.

 

Thank you Every One!
I feel your love and your tears and your hugs..... You all mean so very much to me. You gave me an extra 3 years with her.

It's so surreal. She just looks like she's sleeping on her little stool. It's easy to deny that it has happened.
That's why I need the closure.

Wendy, you said it right, she's been my shadow for so long....right behind me.... right over there... that the absence for those first weeks is so painful. Me.... and My Shadow.....
I will post her memorial as soon as I am able to write it.... at least that helps the grieving process.

I am wearing her little nose pendant.... and I have her recordings.... and pictures and memories....
and I feel her in my heart... and she is free of the pain that was holding her down so much. I feel her love.

 

Rhiannon, I'm so sorry. I can't say anymore than everyone else has already said.

 

Rhiannon,
I am so sorry about the passing of Shadow. It is one of the hardest decisions that we all have to make at some point.
Please know that you and Shadow are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

 

I am so sorry (((((((Rhiannon))))))). Big Tears. It's still fresh for me, so I know how you feel.
Fly Free Sweet Shadow.

 

Oh sweet Shadow....fly free my dear sweet girl and don't forget to send your mommabean a sign that you made it safely to the bridge.

I can barely type myself, I am so very sorry, Rhiannon....sending more love and prayers your way....

 

Fly safe and land softly sweet Shadow. Zener will be waiting to greet you. Don't worry about your bean too much, we will look in on her.

Send her a sign when you are able.

Anne

 

(((Rhiannon))). I can't tell you how much my heart hurts for you. Shadow was a part of my life here, with Checkers. It hurts so much when our best friend leaves us.
I am sending prayers for peace in your heart.
Barb

 

Super big hugs to you, Rhiannon. I am so very sorry it was Shadow's time to leave. Rest peacefully sweet girl. Prayers and hugs.

 

Im so sorry Rhiannon... Sending healing love and light for your heart, which I know is broken. You did whats best for her, and now she flys free of her tired little body and is in spirit and will rest in your heart always..land softly at the bridge Shadow, and give momma a sign that you made it.

 

(((Rhiannon))) I'm so sorry. Fly free, sweet Shadow. I know you got a warm welcome at the bridge.

 

(((((Rhiannon)))))
I'm so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. You always did everything you could for her, and today is no different. I know she will be watching over you from the Bridge.
Fly free, sweet girl

 

Requiem aeternum, Shadow.
{{hugs}}

 

((((((rhiannon))))) I'm so sorry. Losing these sweet little ones is the worst, but know that you gave her YEARS longer than she would've had without you. She was blessed to have been your shadow and she lived a wonderful life centered in your love.

You're surrounded by love from all of us as you go through the time ahead and adjust to life without Shadow, without watching the clock on when to poke next, without watching her every move. She's released from her broken body now, flying free. Love to both of you . . .

 

Have had you on my mind all day. Still crying. I'm so glad you seem to be at peace with your decision already. That will help you heal.

Do keep visiting us if you can - your knowledge and experience have helped me so much, I know many others feels the same.

Fly free, dear Shadow, and land softly.

 

Shadow, May She Rest in Peace. She will send you a sign from the rainbow bridge.
Paula

 

Rhiannon I'm so, so sorry to hear it was Shadow's time to cross. I've barely made it beyond the main health forum recently as life has been hectic so I hadn't seen your last few condos. I am crying for you and Shadow while I type this, but please know that you made the right decision for her and no matter how much it hurts now, you can be safe in the knowledge that you set her free from any more pain. I'm sure she will send you a sign soon to let you know that she's safe and happy.

 

Rhiannon;
so much heartache to absorb. Everyone has said what words can express. You and your sweet Shadow are in my heart, and I am sending light and hugs and comfort for this hardest of days, and the difficult ones to come. You and Shadow will never be parted, just on different planes for a while. Flying free from her broken body, she is restored and surrounded by your love and all of those at the bridge, and here. Be good to yourself
Megan and Oren

 

Rhiannon, I'm sorry to hear about Shadow. I'm still relatively new here, but your name popped out at me instantly whenI saw it on the forum. You were one of the many that helped me with Chloe's DKA 2 months ago, and I'm so grateful to you for that. My heart breaks for you as I read your above posts, and in fact, it took me a bit to gain some composure to write my condolences. I'm so so sad for you and I can't imagine what you must be feeling. How amazing you were able to be with her in your home during that time you said goodbye. Prayers, and thoughts for you during this extremely difficult time! My heart breaks for you, but I know you will have one amazing reunion someday.

Hugs - Chloe'sMom

 

Fly free beautiful Shadow... land softly.

 

I tho't I could sit here and start writing her memorial but it's just so painful.
dh made me go out to dinner because I tend to not eat when I get upset. I hadn't eaten all day.
I knew this night would be really hard. This was our best time, after everyone else went to bed.

I had to put her in the freezer , she started to smell quickly and rigor started.
How did they ever leave people on a table for days ? no wonder they pour perfumes and oils on their loved ones.
I had to go out and kiss her frozen little nose before "bedtime" but my heart wanted to open that door and her just
look at me like " why did you put me out here"

I don't know if I'm at peace with it yet.
I just know I honored my promise not to prolong it all for her and my faith is strong that she is free, and waiting for me .
Our love is great.

I won't disappear. Helping others was therapeutic for me... as cheering you all on for successes.
We are a special family.
I thank you for all this support.

 

(((Rhiannon))) I am so sorry you had to say good bye to your Shadow. It's so heartbreaking to know it's time in your head, with your heart protesting. I know Chyna and the other GAs have greeted her and will take good care of her. You were both blessed to have eachother, and I have you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

My deepest condolences to you Rhiannon on the loss of your beloved Shadow. Many hugs and healing prayers to you at this most difficult time.

 

Rhiannon my most hart felt condolences and words do not seem to begin to express the empathy I feel for you.

Norse Legend of the Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge

Author unknown

 

I'm so so sorry ((((((((Rhiannon)))))))) you were so brave and wonderful to set her free, such love for your precious little girl. It was always so evident but this was the time to show her that your love was so strong that she came first, and she did. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. So much respect for you. So sad. I will light a candle for your beautiful girl tonight.

RIP Shadow

 

((((Rhiannon)))) because you and Shadow are such, and always will be, an integral part of our FDMB family, we all are heartbroken for you and I know many tears are being shed for your loss. I wish there was some comfort but when we lose our babies, I find there is no true comfort for a while. But there can be peace and I pray this will be what you feel in your heart. You honored your promise....you love her forever as no one could. She knows this. Because of your bond, I feel she will always be with you. Sending prayers, thoughts, hugs.

Fly free gorgeous Shadow.

 

Just popping in to send more cyber hugs. I know how tough today will be and wanted you to know I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Dear ((((Rhiannon)))),
I know that in that moment of passing from one existence into the next your beautiful girl was sending you all of her love, her gratitude, and her knowledge that she will always be with you. Fly free, dear Shadow on your golden wings. All of your friends at the Bridge are giving you a lovely welcome party. They know that your mamabean will be OK because you are looking after her.

Rhiannon, we are grieving with you today. Feel the love.

In deepest sympathy,
Ella & Edward, Rusty, and Stu (GA)

 

So very sorry. Big tears falling in Tulsa.

 

Thinking of you today and sending you a little cyber TLC.

 

Darn, I thought I could come back to this page and not cry, but I didn't make it past the first couple of new posts! You've been on my mind all day, Rhiannon, and I just wanted to let you know.

 

I am so sorry for your loss! It is never an easy decision to make, but with the pain she was in it was definitely the right decision. My heart goes out to you!

 

Thank you Ann, Molly, Patricia, Amy, Peg, Elise, Ruth, Kathie, Elizabeth, Marje, Laura, Sienne, Jill, Chris, Melissa, Marilyn, Wendy,
Michelle, Liz, Anne, Lori, Paula, Suki, Tricia, Cat Ma, Lyresa, Melanie, Mary Ann, Carla, Mary, Jamie, Bron, Josie, Rhonda, Andrea,
Dyana, Anne, Barb, Deb, Laura, Suzanne, Deanna, BJM , Julie, Paula, April, Megan, Chloe's mom, Rachel, Voula, Julia Rae, Serryn,
Ella, and Tina.


Your words and hugs mean so much to me.
I had a very rough night last night and it looks like tonite won't feel any better.
For some weird reason, i find comfort in having her body.... can still go out and touch her nose....I'm a weirdo, I guess.
so really not looking forward to taking her out to the vet tomorrow morning.
I miss her constant physical presence but I do feel her with me in my heart.
And when I look over under the table, it's dark so it's really like she's still here which hurts because I know she isn't.

My son got a cat about a year ago who has been locked up in the back half of the house.
Shadow would not let her out and I didn't want a youngster threatening Shadow's alpha-ness as most young cats do.
I let her out and she has free roaming now altho' she's pretty timid.
But my dh said hey kitty kitty to her just while ago while I was cooking, like he always did to Shadow and my heart leapt as if he was talking to Shadow. And I keep having those moments.... of , oh.... ( no....)
and a moment or two of doubt, but that's just my heart and head wrestling..... and wishing that she hadn't kept feeling worse.

 

Rhiannon...

 

When my special kitty Buzzie passed over 15 ears ago I struggled much as you are. The first week there were several times I "felt" him under the covers snuggled between my knees as he always did and sat up to find the bed empty, which caused more tears. These strong, yet painful memories are a way our GA kitties are letting us know that they are still there in the spirit, and that although we are pained with their passing to another level, we must also rejoice for the happiness and love that was shared with them and by them. Many and tearful thoughts of healing sent your way!

 

Those of you who really know our story and all our medications should probably have first pick of her medications/supplies....
just let you pay the postage....

 

((((Rhiannon)))) More hugs and prayers for you, I feel your pain, and I was afraid you probably slept like crap last night, and it may not get better anytime soon. I do a lot of late night reading nowadays...I miss test and shot times! It isn't weird to need closure, whatever, or however you can put your mind at ease, just do it!

I know it is so easy to look back and say, if only...But you said yourself, in one your posts awhile back, you were determined to explore all avenues of treatment, to do everything you could for your special girl, that way there could be no regrets. (see, I may not post much but I read most everything!) You fought so hard for Shadow, no one could have done more, in the end, all we can do is our best. I have no doubt in my mind, Shadow knew this and loved you all the more for it. Now I think Shadow was waiting, as Tiger was, for you and I to be okay with the situation, that's much harder to accept that which we cannot change and be okay with it, I know, but I made that promise to Tiger,and now I have to keep that promise...

 

Oh (((((Rhiannon)))))

I am so sorry to hear about your sweet girl. I'm at a loss for words right now and just wish I could reach out and hug you. These darn tuxedo girls sneak into our lives and take over our hearts. Sending prayers of comfort and peace to you and DH.

Fly free, sweet Shadow and land safely at the Rainbow Bridge. Don't forget to check in on your mamabean every once in a while. She'll be missing you something terrible.

Bless you, Rhiannon.

 

(((((Rhiannon)))))
I am so sorry you had to say good-bye to your sweet Shadow.
You have always been so incredibly in tune with her.
Shadow will always be with you even if you can't see her.
Many hugs and prayers......

 

(((Rhiannon)))
I'm so sorry to hear it was Shadow's time to leave. My heart and prayers go out to you. It is so hard to lose one of these precious angels, as they give us such unconditional love. You and your sweet girl have such an amazing bond and love. Lots of hugs to you. Fly free sweet Shadow and send your Momma some signs you are okay.

 

oh this is not a good day....
I am filled with what if's today.
answering someone else on the main forum about ibd.... and I think of something else I could have tried.
it's probably triggered a lot since I'm about to take her body to the vet. and just that I have to go thru that phase .
it's going to be the worst day today....