Cruel Comments

Discussion in 'Welcome to the Group - Post an Introduction Here' started by Greta West, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    My cat Norman was diagnosed with diabetes last week. So far the injections have been going well. He’s not loving his new prescription food, but we’re working on it. All in all, we’re okay.

    The worst part has been, to my surprise, the reaction I have gotten from other people. As I told one woman, with tears in my eyes, that I feel so guilty that all those treats I’ve been giving him over the years might have caused this, she said, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” (She’s a die-hard vegan herself, in case you were wondering). She was raised outside of the U.S. and finds the whole idea of buying specialty pet food ridiculous. (They apparently only ever fed their dog table scraps in her native country). Another woman, while somewhat sympathetic, is a former cat owner herself, (14 years ago) but spent perhaps a little too much time telling me how nice it is to have her freedom to travel now, and how she doesn’t miss all the cat hair everywhere, and having to carry the litter from her car to her apartment. But the worst of all was when I told a friend, and her immediate response was, “You should just have him put to sleep” (!) and then proceeded to tell me in detail all the pets she’s had over the years and the numerous times she’s had to euthanize them. (I hardly think a cat being hit by a car, and then being told by the vet “there’s nothing we can do” to be the same situation I am in now).

    I am supposed to meet a friend in the coming week, and she herself was recently diagnosed as a borderline diabetic. Her response then was, “I ain’t taking no insulin!” I thought of not even telling her, but she knew I was concerned about Norman and that I had plans to take him to the vet so I’m sure she’ll ask me how he is. How do I answer her (likely) unsympathetic response? Or anyone else I may encounter?

    I guess I just want someone to tell me I’m a good pet parent and that Norman is lucky to have me here to take care of him.

    Thanks.
     
  2. Sue and Oliver (GA)

    Sue and Oliver (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Absolutely you are a great parent to Norman. So many people decide, without ever finding out what feline diabetes entails, to put their cats to sleep. That you have decided to educate yourself, make good diet decisions and learn how you can mange his disease, is wonderful and makes you Norman's very best advocate.

    About your "friends" maybe just keep the details to a minimum. Perhaps "Norman has diabetes and I am learning how to treat him. Cats can go into remission and that's what we are working for." And then come here for advice, reassurance and kudos. Everyone responding to your post needed that, and will be glad to pay it forward to you.
     
  3. MrWorfMen's Mom

    MrWorfMen's Mom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2015
    Take a very Deep breathe! You are most definitely and without any doubt an absolutely awesome pet parent! People who do not understand the love we have for and get from our furry little kitties just don't understand. There was a fellow years ago (Will Judy) who wrote quotes about dogs but I personally think they are just as meaningful to those of us who share our lives/love with cats. Two of those quotes paraphrased for cats are "a cat is the only true love money can buy" and "I have trouble liking otherwise good people who do not like cats".

    While I can appreciate how difficult it is to hear the commentary you have been confronted with, I also truly believe you are a better person because of your love of our furry little friends. I cannot imagine living without kitties in my life and I don't allow anyone to make me feel bad for my feelings toward these amazing creatures. When someone says something like that to me, I simply tell them that to me my cats are part of my family and if one of my human family members were to be diagnosed with diabetes, I certainly would not entertain the thought of putting them down so why would I even consider doing that to a cat that I love with all my heart! Believe me, my friends don't mess with me anymore.
     
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  4. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    Thanks, I needed that!
     
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  5. Squeaky and KT (GA)

    Squeaky and KT (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2011
    First HUGS! I agree, those things are hard to hear...instead of taking them to heart, pity that person that has never experienced that bond with and love of an animal. Those are the ones that say things like "It's 'just a cat' or 'just a dog'". My favorite saying If you think it's just a cat then I think you're just an idiot. :) Just because that living, breathing being walks on 4 feet doesn't mean they're not important and don't deserve the best care we can give them. Yes they bark and meow but that's just a different language - should we look down on people that don't speak the same language we do? Just like Linda said, our cats and dogs (we have 9 cats and 13 dogs right now, all rescues) - are part of our family.

    More hugs! Headbutts for Norman too...
     
  6. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    Norman is on the bed with me now, purring, having his nightly "comb-comb" as we call it (because he has two different combs) so I just gave him a head butt from you. How could anyone think to put this darling creature down!
     
  7. MrWorfMen's Mom

    MrWorfMen's Mom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2015
    My little sugar sits on her table and DEMANDS her "brushies" so I can so appreciate how special that moment is to you and your Sugar Baby! No one in their right mind would think about putting any of these adorable sweet creatures down!
     
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  8. Julia Rae

    Julia Rae Well-Known Member

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    Jun 11, 2015
    Hugs turst me you are a rocking cat mom... I often find it easier to understand my cat then people. Cats/dogs don't lie or have other purposes to what they say and those that say they don't/can't love have no clue what they are talking about.
     
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  9. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    Brushies! LOL!
     
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  10. Mocha aka Cold Play

    Mocha aka Cold Play Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    So sorry for the words that sting. People are uninformed and lack empathy.

    You have an amazing heart of love:cat: for Norman and he knows it! :smuggrin: Sadly, sometimes, we learn that those we "expect" to be our best encouragers (friends, family) are indeed the most hurtful. Gone thru this too many times to count.

    But, in regard to diabetes, when I had just got my first glucose meter read for Mocha, I was excited and told someone that loved cats (supposedly) and owned them about my happiness to be able to test. His response horrified me. He said he HAD a cat that was diabetic and had pills and then they said he needed insulin and he was not going to do that and he put him down. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. I was @ a dinner and this person was next to me the rest of the night and try as I could, that comment stuck in my brain and in my heart.:( I felt such a loss for a cat I never knew. Another person, at the same table said she thought one of her cats was diabetic. I asked her what she was seeing and then I asked about getting her labs done....and they did not really get the urgency of it. Response was "rather not know." :banghead:

    Just trust you are doing the very best and you have the support you deserve HERE. I seldom talk about Mocha's diabetes with anyone anymore because it is almost like my own chronic pain....no one really gets its and I can't handle their inappropriate comments like ones to me about my pain...."have you tried a chiropractor or physical therapy?" It is the same frustration but far worse when they tread on my commitment to care for my sugar babe.:cat:

    Norman, you are in great hands!:smuggrin: Other people don't have to "get it." Sometimes, it is just better that they don't say anything at all.;)
     
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  11. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    How awful! Frankly I think I'd rather give Norman a shot than try to get him to take a pill.

    I'm watching Downton Abbey and Robert just brought in a cancer laden Isis and said the vet had offered to put her down there and then but he brought her home. My last dog and cat died at home so I hope when the time comes for Norman it can be the same. But if we get his diabetes under control it shouldn't be for a long time!
     
  12. Mocha aka Cold Play

    Mocha aka Cold Play Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    A pill is like impossible right? I agree. I have never attempted that!

    Nothing like a tv show to relax that no longer distracts. Gee.

    I am looking @ switching vets because of some issues with diabetes treatment and I found a vet that says they will come to the home when ever that would be a scenario. I never heard of that where I live and it was never offered to me before. But, I think that is the most humane.

    It is hard ....when we get the diagnosis, I too thought I am going to lose her. I cried and cried. I was a basketcase. I came here and also to the FB Feline Diabetes page and there is research that remission is possible! the earlier insulin is given the chances are better. So, most important...keep that hope...our sugar babies sense our emotions. Keep pouring the love and keep believing....and I bet Norman will keep purring in response.
     
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  13. Janet Qatar

    Janet Qatar Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    You are doing a great job with Norman and just ignore the idiot small minded people that done know any better, with their mean spirited comments. I had all of the same issues when my Snafu was DX back in the summer, why dont you get rid of him and get a new one !! he was only a street cat !! yes he started his life with us as doorstep cat but was probably some ones dumped pet that was luckly enough to find our doorstep in 50 deg heat and we loved him and rescued him that was 3 yrs ago. Even my own family (in the UK) made stupid comments and never asked about his condition when he was at his worst. I went from vet to vet in the begining as I knew he was sick but did not get a dx until the 3rd vet but never would we give up in the way that you will never give up on Norman he is your world and you will always be there for him. I used to give Snafu treats as I did not know any better in those days until I found this amazing site and learnt and got help from all the fantastic people who helped me so much with testing and shooting and all the other intially scary thins that soon became second nature for us as a parent of a diabetic cat - who is now thanks to a food change in remission. you too can do this with the support you will get and the love that you have for Norman. Big hugs to you both .
     
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  14. Vyktors Mum

    Vyktors Mum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2011
    You have to feel a bit sorry for anyone that doesn't understand what it is to truely love a furbaby, they are missing out big time!

    Glad you found us because we do understand. I hope your other friend surprises you and is on little Norman's side too :cat:

    Did you know you don't need to feed the prescription food? There are much better (and cheaper) options for our sugar babies sitting on the supermarket shelves. You just want to make sure it's wet and low carb - and that Norman likes it of course!

    There's some food links in the FAQ forum if you want to explore further or just post the question in the health forum.

    Welcome aboard Greta :)
     
  15. Mocha aka Cold Play

    Mocha aka Cold Play Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    My brother, who has had cats long before I adopted, had 2-3 at a time, and still has 2 now, even working at VET CLINICS in admin support for about 5 years, knows of Mocha's diabetes and has never said boo about how is she? how are you managing it? It is disappointing.

    But, you are in a place of support here and it will more than make up for those without a heart. Normans' heart and yours are big enough to surpass the smallness of others.
     
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  16. Woodsywife

    Woodsywife Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    You bet your a good pet parent. You can tell your friend that:

    Treating Norman will give him the best quality if life. He will not have circulation problems that will cause amputation of his legs, he won't suffer from blindness. He won't have the confusion people will with extremely high sugar. His kidneys won't fail like hers will.

    You could also suggest she be euthanized instead of being treated.
     
  17. Mocha aka Cold Play

    Mocha aka Cold Play Well-Known Member

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    Sep 23, 2015
    Now that is talking! Way to get thru to some thick headed minds. How do people say these heartless things? They must lack the "filter!"
     
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  18. Woodsywife

    Woodsywife Well-Known Member

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    Sep 6, 2015
    Sometimes you just have to tell like it is.
     
  19. Anitafrnhamer

    Anitafrnhamer Member

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    Jul 9, 2013
    When Squeaker was first diagnosed, I went to the pharmacy to pick up his insulin and the cashier said: "You're crazy. I wouldn't pay that much. It's just a cat. I'd have it put down." My response to her was, well it's a good thing he's not your cat then. The second time I went to get insulin, the pharmacist had a fit. "But it's for a cat. Go with something cheaper. It's just a cat." He kept insisting that I use a cheaper insulin. I had to demand that he fill the Rx as written, then I told him if he couldn't or wouldn't to return it to me and I would take it somewhere else. Literally I had to fight to get the Rx filled. What really bothers me is my son telling me that I should have let Squeaker die.

    The point is, you just have to develop a thick skin and roll with the punches.
     
  20. Maggies Mom Debby

    Maggies Mom Debby Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    People either get our devotion, or they don't. You can't take it to heart. You know Norman (and all pets) are not disposable. They are members of the family! Of course you treat their illness! My real friends got it, thought they may have gotten tired of me talking about FDMB so much.

    I did have a similar experience is with an acquaintance who is VERY active with the local Humane Society. When I told her about Maggie, her reaction was that the money I was spending to treat Maggie's diabetes would be better used in adopting another cat. I was appalled! I figured she would understand, but she saw it only from her point of view - an overabundance of healthy cats that need homes.

    So buck up and ignore the nasty comments. If someone says they wouldn't/you shouldn't do something, I would say "Well, Norman is very lucky that I'm his person and that I love him enough to take proper care of him."
     
  21. Paula

    Paula Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2014
    If I may chime in. My Michael was dx with Hypert in 2012 and dx with diabetes in march of 2014.
    I was devastated! I didn't know what to do! Having just had 3 brain aneurysms that left me challenged and wondering how I was going to care for my cat (13 yrs old) with 2 fatal diseases.
    The vets I had at the time were no help. People were very unsympathetic. I joined FDMB, and the wonderful people here understood and stayed with me every step of the way. Michael is 4 mos. in remission (OTJ) which I never thought possible especially with him having HyperT. The Hypert is under control and he is in Diabetic remission. I will be forever grateful to FDMB for without them Michael would not be here. He is the only family I have and I love him very much.
    You are doing a great job with Norman and try not not to let what other people say bother you. They are just plain ignorant!
    With your love and dedication, maybe one day Norman will see remission.:bighug::bighug:
    I hope this helps. I have a hard time explaining things.
     
  22. Bron and Sheba

    Bron and Sheba Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2015
    I rarely talk about Sheba to anyone because of the negative comments I often get. But if the subject comes up and anyone makes a negative comment I just say:
    "I don't tell you how to live your life, so please don't tell me how to live mine"
    Guaranteed to shut them up very quickly. And if they are offended...too bad...
     
  23. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    Yes, I've been giving him some Fancy Feast Classics. At least he eats a little more of that than the prescription food.
     
  24. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    That is unconscionable for a pharmacist to say that. Isn't it illegal to not fill a prescription as it is written? You'd think they'd be happy to take your money. Yes, I need to develop a thick skin, not just for anti-Norman comments, but in general.
     
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  25. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    So glad I've found this forum. Obviously only highly intelligent people are posting to this board. Thanks to everyone!
     
  26. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    Ha ha! Yes! Love it!!!
     
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  27. Mocha aka Cold Play

    Mocha aka Cold Play Well-Known Member

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    Sep 23, 2015
    Thanks for your post Paula. What an amazing journey you have been on. You inspire us all and especially the newbies (I have only been dealing with dx since late August). We need you and others to help us keep that hope that has worked amazingly with others. I pray for strength for you. My hubby has post concussion of 3 years and no improvement. We take so much for granted, like a healthy kitty...until we and they have a struggle and they are cherished all the more! So happy for Michael!
     
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  28. Deb & Wink

    Deb & Wink Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2013
    We get it, that our pets are beloved family members.

    Some of your insensitive, cruel comments from others reminds me of when I told people I had thyroid cancer and one woman chirped up "OH, That's a good cancer to have!" Really???

    Ignore brainless twits like that and keep on loving and doing your best for your kitty Michael.
     
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  29. Julia & Bandit

    Julia & Bandit Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    When Bandit was diagnosed with diabetes back in 2009, my older brother thought I was crazy for treating him, and told me I should have him put to sleep. I also had a friend who told me she didn't see the point of keeping my cat alive just to watch it suffer and die. Luckily, my other friends and family were overwhelmingly supportive, and so were the people here on FDMB! I had no doubt I was doing the right thing treating him, just like you should have no doubt right now.

    It's now almost 2016, and Bandit is still doing just fine. There is no difference between him and other cats his age. Sure, I need to watch his diet, but you should be doing that with a senior cat anway! Sometimes he needs insulin when his other medical issues get in the way, but for the most part, he is healthy and happy and I can't even imagine life without him the past 7 years.
     
  30. Critter Mom

    Critter Mom Well-Known Member

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    Jun 16, 2014
    AMEN, sister!!!!

    :D
     
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  31. Greta West

    Greta West New Member

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    Dec 15, 2015
    Wow! Seven years! I hope I am lucky enough to have Normie that long. I will continue to do everything I can to keep him healthy, and to cherish every moment we have together. Thanks for writing.
     
  32. Georgie

    Georgie Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2015
    I was lucky that my friends and family are very supportive. I think that if you need to tell someone else about it then the best way is to say it with confidence. Like "My cat was diagnosed with diabetes and i'm treating it.' Leave no room for their input.... Matter of fact and strong confident attitude I think makes people stay quiet, at least in my experience. I had to take time off work for my Georgie one day. When telling my boss why, I could tell he wanted to say something rude with his stupid smirk on his face but I stood resolved and confident, his smirk faded and he said nothing.

    I'm glad this forum is here. I have been very interested in finding better ways to feed my little beastie. He's on his "juice" and I really want to get him off it asap.
     
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  33. milfordcollector

    milfordcollector Member

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    Nov 15, 2012
    Welcome! I treated/managed my Sabrina's diabetes & 2 episodes with dka for 3-1/2 years....my daughter said "mom, she's suffering, put her down" nope..not in my vocabulary!!! Also had a friend who treated her cat for 3 months, no testing & then lost him. Now her other elder possibly has diabetes & I try to talk to her......to each their own but I wouldn't have done it any other way. Stick to your guns..awesome job! :) Cindy & angel Sabrina
     

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