Difficulty Coping

yesterday was 9 months anniversary since i had to say goodbye to my mr. biddles.

those of you who remember us will know we had very tough times with his diabetes and other issues. everyone here was very helpful and supportive.

mr b and i were best buddies for 12 years. while i feel truly fortunate to have had him in my life, i am feeling equally anguished to be living a life without him. i cannot express how much it hurts. i've been crying nearly every day since 2/1/17. i keep dreaming about him, and wishing we could be reunited somehow. i hope i don't sound melodramatic. i'm sure people here must understand our furbabies are family, part of our clan, our steadfast companions.

i am lost without him. i dont know what to do.

 

I know exactly how you feel as I've lost several fur kids in my life but there was one that really put me over the edge with grief. I had her for 17 years and for the last 1.5 years I was her caretaker for her intestinal lymphoma. It seems there is such a special bond and closeness that develops when we have been caring for them with a chronic and or critical illness.. The pain eventually subsides but the sense of loss of a 'special' pal is always there. I get wistful and teary eyed sometimes when I think of her but the intensity of the grief has greatly subsided. It will for you too-

 

I had quite a few cats when I was younger and really never took very good care of them. When I got BJ and Leroy as kittens I swore that behavior would stop and it did. Leroy lived to 23 but when BJ got cancer at 17 it really hit me hard. The stupid thing was that I cried more over that then I did about my Dad who died a month later. Maybe my Dad was less of a shock but nothing about that makes any sense. This is why I'm so thankful we're all kind of anonymous here because that sounds pretty whacked. Those two cats meant everything to me and even flew with me when I moved. Sometimes it's like your first broken heart, you'll get over it in time but you'll never forget it.

 

You don't sound melodramatic, I totally understand you, I lost a few years ago one of my furbabies she was quite young at the time of her death totally unexpected since she was killed ( won't go into details ) I had had her since she gave her first breath literally since she was born at my house and required some assistance to start breathing, she was quite attached to me and I to her, I think eventually one copes with the pain, so hang in there, cry if you need to is good, but the sense of loss I think remains no matter how much time goes by

 

At that time my wife and I were just casually dating. It was very stupid and selfish of me to shut her out of BJ's illness and death when she could have been there for both of us. That's why we're all here for each other.

 

Jen I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I’ve lost many over the years, but one was particularly difficult and I think I cried everyday for a full year. We all understand what you’re going through and we are here if you want to talk about
Mr Biddles or anything else.

 

I totally identify with your feelings. It is coming up on 6 months since Tuxie crossed the Bridge after 16 1/2 years, and very few days go by that I don't shed tears for him. It is much harder on the days when another member has lost their furbaby...it just brings back all the initial pain again. His sister Maxie is also still grieving for him. Yesterday I made the mistake of calling "Tuk Tuk" at feeding time and she ran all over and was looking around for him.

The big thing I cling to all the time is that Tuxie is no longer suffering and the love he shared with me is tucked away deep within my heart where it will always remain.

 

I absolutely know how you feel and I'm sure many if not most other people here do too. We are members of this board because we care very deeply about our beloved kitties. It tears us apart to see them ill or in pain, and it also tears us apart when they have to leave us. Grief is a very individual thing - some of us wear our heart on our sleeves and others try to keep a stiff upper lip and carry on regardless. I've found that the important thing is to be around people who understand - as we all do here - and try not to let the "non-animal" people who we all have in our lives belittle what we are feeling. In other words, we have to carry on and behave in whatever way is right for us, and that way we cope in ways that are right for us and healng takes place in its own time. It's not something we can put a time limit on.

Like others here, I can very easily shed many tears even now when I re-live the loss of my beautiful brother and sister kitties Tom and Sophie. Tom left us nearly ten years ago, just s week before his 15th birthday, and Sophie outlived him by two and a half years. They were the sweetest kitties imaginable and I will never stop loving them and missing them. For many of us "cat people", life is just not complete without a little kitty, and only a week after I lost Sophie, friends made me visit a local rescue where nine-week old Sapphire was waiting for me... I truly believe she was /is a "healer kitty". She is funny, beautiful, intelligent, and follows me around everywhere, particularly if I'm tired or upset. She is a real treasure. She is now seven years old and I sincerely hope we will have many more years together.

Perhaps when you feel ready you could open your heart to another kitty who will want to love you and you to love him/her, too. We will never stop loving and missing our GAs but new love can help to ease the pain.

 

The last baby I lost was 6 1/2 years ago tomorrow. Lost one a month before that, too. Double whammy. It is very painful for a long time. The pain does lessen with time, but 9 mos is still very soon.

I find that having a new baby to love helps. They can never replace the one that was lost, but you will come to love them and get joy from them, and it helps fill the void and speed up the healing. My sister thought she did not agree with me. She was so devastated after the lost of her baby that she swore she would never get another cat. After maybe two years, she gave in and did. She has told me many times that he 'saved her life' and that she was crazy to think she could go without one. So, when you feel like you can handle it, maybe go 'rescue' some baby that needs companionship and love as much as you do.

 

The APLB has a good support chat for people who would like to talk to a counselor online about pet loss. I found the link on the site that I was making his final arrangements on. I chatted twice with them when Zimmy died and found it helpful, perhaps you would too. They only have counselors there certain times. Look on the right hand side.


http://www.aplb.org/

 

I still think about Scoobs everyday. He wasn't even sick until the last few days before he died. I know how you feel. It's hard losing our fur-kids.

You could make a journal of your memories with your fur-kid. You could go thru his pictures and do a picture journal. I made a memory shelf for Scoobs - that has helped. I light the candle for him every Monday night.

 

Our drooler had a wooden box that raised her bowls off ground level. I turned that into a hope chest.
Take lots of pictures. If other people don't get it it's none of their business.
Finally, print your photos, matte finish with borders. Memory cards and hard drives don't last forever. My personal bugaboo, thumbprints on photos.

 

thank you everyone for your replies. since my post, i had not been on the board to check in until just now.

it is so helpful to hear from others who know firsthand how awful a process this is. i really appreciate everyone taking the time to leave such kind words for me. it is very painful and there is no getting around it, but all you have said does help. i feel less alone, i suppose, though i feel bad for anyone else who feels as badly as i do these days.

thank you, everybody. i hope you all know how much you have helped.

 

My idea of Heaven. You don't really know you're there; no wings, halos or harps. Every day you wake up is Saturday and there's a dozen cats on the bed in perfect health. Two kittens you haven't named yet are under the sheets, you smell coffee and there's a dog licking your toes.
Mr. Biddles just had his first birthday.