Grieving Mocha with Latte

Latte continues to seek out Mocha in closets or look for her scent and cuddle it. She has not slept with me, as she always did (and Mocha sometimes did). She has taken to sitting cuddled up under Mocha's testing/eating table (my desk). She never did that before.

I moved one of Mocha's cardboard boxes under it the first time I saw that and she immediately went in. That is where she sleeps for now.

She seems to take comfort in the purr web page and esp in the evening when we tended to be a 3 some with the insulin testing....she takes refuge in that room and is cuddled listening to the purr. And, I likewise am not sleeping well the past 3 nights as our routines are not what they were. I am used to Latte pressing up against my legs and staying all night and she was always in the bed before me. Now, I have to see where she is before I say goodnight to her.

 

Kari, Latte needs time to grieve. Just go on loving her as you do, and one day she will begin to be herself again. As difficult a time of adjustment as this is for you, it is just as difficult for her.

Thinking of you both and sending many hugs and scritches,



Ella & Rusty

p.s. That is a beautiful picture of Mocha.

 

Ella is right. Just give Latte lots of loving and you'll find you can comfort each other. It will take time for both of you. Sending prayers.

 

KariIt will take time. Latte needs to grieve as do you. Both of you will find comfort in each other.
Such a beautiful picture of Mocha. May she Rest in Peace.

 

actually the photo is Latte, Mocha is buff and Latte darker orange but at times it was hard to tell.

 

Have others noticed that they become more or less vocal? Latte was a talker and now she seldom speaks at all.

 

that sounds normal for grieving.....
in time, she may talk again..... her song is just missing for now......
that will be a sign for you when she's hurting less...

 

(((Kari))) not only do they miss their best friends, it our babies also feel our grief and that makes theirs even worse. Just hold tight to your sweet girl and the two of you will move through the grief together. Just give it time.

 

I don't have any words of wisdom . . . Anya definitely grieved for Punkin. She became more clingy than she had been before.

Sending all my healing, peaceful thoughts to both you and Latte.

 

(((((Kari))))) I hope you can console each other, such a big adjustment for you both

 

This makes grieving doubly hard. Extra pets to Latte and ugs to you.
It reminds me of my grumpy old cat who loved the kittens I fostered and would go crazy when they left. It was so bad that I stopped doing kittens until Zoomer went to the bridge. I'd never seen anything so intense and sad. My heart feels for you and Latte.

 

Thank you. I feel my song is gone too. I was so glad that I got some sleep finally and it made me even happier that Latte finally returned to my bed (the first time during the night since our loss) at 4am....a time when often we were up with Mocha to check on her and sugar. She was seeking all the love and face kisses and body rubs she was so in need of. She stayed with me for 3 hours.

 

I am sure. We can't hide it very well. Perhaps they know that love the best because they see our every movement to love each of them so much.

 

Thank you. I know you have walked this road. I never have.

 

Thank you! Needed.

 

Thank you. I cherish that I have her and yet it is hard to see her trying to cope. She won't eat unless I stand by her and pet her profusely. I have to watch her weight and food esp now. I am concerned that she not get the fatty liver disease from stress of the loss.

 

Thank you. Our furry family has hearts as big as ours.

 

Adding more hugs and prayers for you and sweet little Latte ....

 

Hugs to you both... Kitties too need time to grieve. Mine always did. I did what I could to provide the comfort they needed, as I am sure you are too. That helped all of us heal.

 

Thank you. Much needed. Some rays of sunlight have finally come into the condo and she is curled up in a chair that they took turns in @ the window. We all need the sun to brighten our mood.

 

As hard as it is, I am so thankful to have Latte....I just wish it was not her path to grieve too. Together we take the steps.

I contemplate if she would enjoy going to the old house (2nd show tomorrow and they are very interested) and let her play in the yard she loved every bit as much as Mocha. Only problem is she is more skittish so have to really keep her close with her leash and harness.

But, it is to hit near 60 soon and a large part of me says she should get to go back in the house too and let her explore like Mocha loved to run the steps and enjoy the kitchen over the yard.

Will be harder than hard for me to go back because I said I did not want to again, esp to the place of my last sweet memories with Mocha. But, is that fair to Latte? I don't think so.

I have a day or so to get myself together. The other problem is to get her out to the garage, which is a little longer journey. I used to push Mocha on a granny cart and she did not peep, but Latte is more a basket case. I may just hand carry her travel carrier out the elevator thru the front door to the entryway and avoid the garage noise. Have to put her first.

I used to say "grass" and they knew it was pampass grass and I would go out and their two faces would press on the glass staring and I could barely get in before I was pawed at to try to steal the pieces I brought to split for them. Would say Mochas name and give her a piece and then Lattes name, to avoid a wrestle match of stealing. We have some great memories there. I wish the grass was green on the pampas.

 

Hugs to you both. Time and memories will make the daily routine much easier to bear. <3

 

I feel like I've lost a child. Others may have had different experiences, of course, but that's what it feels like to me.

There's no way through it except one day at a time, Kari. Just one day at a time.

 

@julie & punkin (ga) is right. It does feel like losing a child (no, I never had kids, so I can't say for sure, but I think this must be what it's like).

I'm glad that Latte came to sleep with you for a while. That's progress. You will each help the other heal.

I'm not sure if taking her to the old house is such a good idea, if it is close to being sold. Won't she miss it more if she sees it again, then can't go back? I may be totally wrong - that's just my thought.

 

Indeed one day and sometimes one minute, so it seems. I am sorry you relate and so many others. I never had a child and yet I wonder if it would feel the same. Devastating.

 

I do see more signs of playing and talking like she used to. Just takes more pulling her along. Something happens around 8:30pm though, she does not eat like she would and she hunkers down in a cat house that is not her typical. Used to be on the bed after eating well @ 8:30pm. Just hoping she will begin visiting me more. At least she was on the bed most of the day today or the chair, and not in the closet.

Marje made a great comment to me that taking her could be a setback in that she associated Mocha more greatly there and may think that is where she has been and want to search for her. I think that is likely and I just need to let it go. The house is still on the market, despite 4 (FOUR) offers that walked. We have a serious interest with a 2nd view tomorrow but they are between ours and another. So, they might go elsewhere and maybe in time it will be appropriate to reconsider if Latte is adjusted but I will wonder if it is right, so probably won't. I can't know what is better sadly. But, Mocha was the first cat in that house and Latte knows that, so it was never her turf really and it will likely have deep memories of Mocha's space and missing her again, if not "still." I am going to aim to get her that grass for this home but will likely have to wait til balcony reno stops because of all the debris on balconies.

 

I agree with Marje, it might be better to introduce her to new places and let her find a new way of being. Going back to the old house might keep her looking for Mocha to be there.

I have 3 kids and a foster daughter, and of course losing them would be worse than anything, but still, punkin felt like a little child to me. You can't really compare them. Each loss is its own. And of course there's people like my brother in law telling me that he didn't understand why we were dealing with punkin's diabetes because "there were 100 more just like him at the pound." I had 2 responses to him - one is "you can't fix stupid" and the other was that I feel sorry for him that he's obviously never belonged to a cat.

 

I remember when we had to put my Old Man Piglet down. Snick and Milt would look for him and sleep where he used to. And the first summer after we buried him in the backyard Snick would always go lay on that spot.

 

(((Kari)))

I think taking some of the grass over and putting it in a pot is a good idea.

I definitely feel like I've lost a child. As Julie said.....one step at a time. Some days will be worse than others and just as you think you might see some light, it will likely hit you again hard. Just know we are all here for you.

 

Julie,
I can't imagine hearing that from a "family" member. How horrible. Even yesterday, forced myself to leave the house the first time and all those memories of the last time was with Mocha in the car, in the halls, etc. Hub tells banker lost "our" cat. Banker says sorry and she lost 2 cats to diabetes because she could not afford $800 a month for them. I said it was no where near that and Mocha was turning around. I literally cringe to hear so many talk about putting down a cat because of diabetes. Thankfully, my family only thought it and seldom made any reference to it.

Indeed, what a blessing to belong to a cat, because that is exactly how it goes. Hugs!

 

So deep the connection from pet to pet. We could learn from them so much. Latte still not sleeping with me. Yesterday was 3am she came after camping in the "cat room" all night and 3am was feeding/testing, so I gave her attn and she stayed 2 nights ago from 3am. Last night, I awoke at 4am and I felt like I had stepped into an elevator shaft with no floor? Ever feel that? Just when I thought the worst I felt could not become more intolerable, I was wrong. I could not cry. It was just sheer terror. I found Latte, who was in the cat room again and she ate but struggled to settle with me. My flesh is burning all over. This is fibomyalgia uncontrolled and a huge stress yesterday. She will not eat unless I am staying by her anytime in the day. I know time, time....but this is so painful in every respect. Hugs to all who are here for me.

 

Thank you @Marje and Gracie .....so says it.

 

Grieving is such a hard process. Sending prayers of comfort and peace to you and Latte.

 

Kari, Have just read thru all these responses to your loss. So much empathy here on the FDMB.
I have lost 5 kitties over the years and each one was so special. The grief is indescribable and yet, in time, the memories and the realization that you were so blessed to share the life of each of these beautiful, incredible furry angels becomes a gift beyond price. Which is why, knowing full well that I will lose each of these 4 special need kitties that currently fill our home with their love and joie de vie and peace, I continue to hold them to my heart. And just last week a very feral black leopard cat appeared outside. And I have been providing for him as much as he allows me to do. Hopefully, eventually this will be his forever home.
I have never married or had children but the love of a cat is quite a gift. I offer you and beautiful Latte heartfelt sympathy and thank you for your good heart and the love you gave to Mocha. Grieve together and it will get better. Give it time.
Now, about the Pampas grass. I just had my bushes trimmed low last week. Tell me what you and the kitties did with them?! played? Ate!!! Other?

 

Thank you.

 

Mocha was my second. I realize time will indeed help but never had another pet grieve along with me.

What is going on with the 4 you have? Were they all feral?

I love to hear of people providing for the feral and warming up their heart to come in after time to be safe from outdoors.

Yes, the gift of a furry friend's love is indescribable.

Maybe your new feral friend loves the pampas just like my girls. A funny thing about Latte, it took me awhile to figure this about her. When I open my romaine tub with cut lettuce she runs from wherever and rubs on my leg. She wants it more than her food! I have read that romaine is safe and I never put onion in the bowl because of her. She is hysterical. She has to face rub my hand with the romaine piece many times before going for a nibble. She wants her salad! Maybe I could grow romaine inside? Anyone ever done that?

She did make me have a laugh and can't recall the last one before frankly. I played with her in one of the moving boxes I saved for them with brown packing paper. It is an egg box and has a handle hole on each end. I played peek a boo with the hole when she was in it. She thought it was fun and would try to put her paw out the hole to touch my face. It is the little things that make our hearts smile. I love her to pieces but she is Latte, not Mocha.

 

In those times of panic, try to just focus on really deep breaths. Try to just tune everything else and and breathe as deeply and completely as you can.

 

This is the post I never hit "POST REPLY" on yesterday!
I hope today is a little better, Kari.

As for the house, I don't know. I might be tempted if the weather is going to be nice to take this opportunity to let her begin identifying a new place as a fun outdoor spot. It might just add to the confusion for her to be back there.

New post (two for the price of one, Kari!)
That "elevator" feeling is horrible. It is definitely a stress thing. Two winters ago, when we were clearly losing our battle with both Basil's and my little dog's health, I had that sensation several times a day and I would grip the kitchen counter or whatever was nearby just because If let like if I didn't hold on, the floor would swallow me up. And it was followed by panic. After they were gone, within less than two weeks of each other, I couldn't eat much at all for over a month. It seemed like so much sadness, it was just a big heavy blanket thrown over me and I felt I could never, ever move it. But eventually, I did. You will, too. And so will Latte. Find something new that is just for the two of you. You need to revisit joy even if you can't experience it right now and so does she. ((((((Kari))))))

 

So sorry that you lost two in 2 weeks. Unbearable. Can't imagine. What you mention about the loss of appetite, I went thru horribly with my first. I could not force myself to eat. I ended in urgent care and asked for help to try to eat and they refused liquid food to me and said deal with your sorrow and drink some Equate. I lost like 10 pounds in a few weeks. I felt so weak I did not want to move. I am forcing myself to eat this time around but not like I was. I just can't. When asked if we could go to a restaurant I have no interest. Can't eat normal portions but we went to Panera and I said I just want some soup ($5) for soup.....insane but at least we were able to change the scenery.

Thank you for support.

 

The deep breathing is a great help for me.


Now to answer your questions re: our 4 special needs kitties. All our kitties over the years have been rescues. All but Marmalade and her sister Mia (found in a Safeway parking lot as kittens) were feral. I have found homes for well over 100 ferals and help care for 50+ in local feral colonies now, though I don't trap anymore because of physical limitations. Our 4 are Mystic, Mia, Marmalade, and SweeP, in the garage. Mystic the oldest is hyperthyroid and failing. He eats and drinks constantly, has lost a great deal of weight and is Anita's favorite. He was rescued as a tiny kitten by her and she fell in love with him at first sight.He was one wild little guy! We already had Magic at home at that time and two other F IV cats,Doc and Venture- all passed away now. Marmalade and Mia were just dumped at a Safeway parking lot and Anita fell in love with Marmy because she had hair growing out of the her ears and her daughters andvisiting granddaughter said she had to have her . I suggested that we adopt her older sister Mia INSTEADbecause Marmy was so cute shewould go quickly from our rescue shelter anyway. But Mia was an older ,3/4 grown little chubby who wasn't the world's most beautiful baby. Off I went to church. When I got home I foundtwo kittens in our guest room ; we did indeed have Mia but we also had Marmalade exploring their new digs! .Mia Was a wonderful, affectionate little girl. Marmy was a hoot. She got into everything from unrolling toilet paper, to turning on the filtered water faucet to throwing her toys into the tub, etc, etc! But she did have hair in her ears so we kept her.

When Sweet P(P stands for" patience" )appeared four years ago, Marmy had not been diagnosed with diabetes yet but she had a wheezing breathing problem which no vet could figure out.

Sweet P , our deaf,asthmatic, CKD kitty was very feral but absolutely beautiful. Took forever to coax her into the garage but the other cats would not hear of her coming into the house. So we carpeted it , heated and air-conditioned it, and made the garage her forever home. The pet psychic assured us that she is very comfortable in the garage and loves the time that I spend there with her as do I. However , I keep hoping that the other cats, especially Mia will someday let her come in. We keep the door to the garage open many times and she will venture into the laundry room but she is chased when she tries to come into the hallway to the rest of the house. Since she is deaf we are afraid that she could be easily attacked by Mia or possibly Mystic.

Every day between 5 and 6 PM when I feed her dinner and give her her aerocat inhaler, she crawls up on my lap on a beach chair in the garage and purrs while I meditate. It is absolutely heavenly!!!!. After she was with us for about a year and comfortable in the garage, a mulch truck in our driveway spooked her and she ran away for four months. I cried my heart out. And I prayed and searched and prayed and searched. On NEW Year's Eve of 2014 I looked up when I was feeding the ducks, birds and deer in our back yard and this scraggly, dirty, wobbly, beautiful, hungry, cold little kitty came across the lawn and followed me to the garage door! Somehow, this deaf kitty had found her way home! I was weak with joy, disbelief and gratitude. Here she is now, sitting on my lap as I sit in silence and breathe deeply every night for an hour. She is my salvation!and doing well, all things considered. I have probably told you more than you ever wanted to know. That will teach you to think twice before you ask next time. Rather than bore others we could start a conversation in the future.


Our kitties cross their paws and Anita and I fold our hands and tuck you in our hearts as we empathize with your loss. Still don't know what the kitties did/do with the Pampas grasses

Now I must work on data gathering for the big T word. I do hate tax time!!!

 

I am sure no one was bored by learning about your sweet fur babies. Thank you for sharing that and a happy ending to Sweet P return. At least there is a safe space. Latte and Mocha would do the paw folding at times too, so adorable.

I too can't get myself to do taxes. They should be done by now but my heart is not in it. Not even up to giving them to someone else. I am in a quandary.

 

Sending so many hugs and vines to you. I didn't have the connection with Piglet like i do with Snick. When she goes it will be devastating. While my mom was in the hospital before she passed I was so stressed and my pain and panic attacks were pretty bad and Snick was actually sleeping on me for short periods of time to help. They know, and they feel.

 

Absolutely. Mocha was in tune with my emotions and always came to comfort. I believe she loved me even more than I loved her, if that could be possible. I think she wanted to live despite her pain for me. I was her world but she was mine. I know others get that.

 

Okay Kari, out with is. What exactly do your kitties do with the Pampas grass????

 

Thank you for asking, Tricia! Maybe if enough of us ask, she may finally tell us!!!