Michelle and Doodle
Active Member
This is the most difficult post I have ever made. The final condo...
My Doodle is gone.
We helped him pass on Sunday. My vet came in especially for us - so it was quiet and peaceful in the office. He was so weak that morning that he could barely stand... and we knew it was time when he literally crawled to the litterbox.
He had been at the vet the day before and 3 days out of 5 before that. We fought so hard... He lost his sight on Friday night but it had been coming for days. He seemed to gain some strength in the car and he sat up to feel the sun on his face and snuggle me a bit. I waivered at that point... and wondered how I'd ever feel okay about this - even though I knew he had no chance at a true recovery. But when we got in the room he was so calm... Brian and I took turns holding him and he seemed to look straight at us. Then when I sat him on the table he just layed down...arms outstretched... and surrendered. He had nothing left in him. He was gone before the injection was even finished.
I wrote a tribute to him last night:
I hope it gives at least a tiny glimpse of how extraordinary he was.
Thank you all for your support and kindness and a special thank you to Jojo - who was with us every step of the way -- I am eternally grateful.
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It was almost 7 years ago that I saw a flash of white, streak through my backyard – running from the neighborhood tom – and screaming like a little girl.
We had just moved into our house, and our backyard joins a forested swampy area, so I wasn't really sure of what I had seen. I had never seen an all white cat before – or at least never paid attention if I had. I was convinced that there was something rare and wonderful back there.
And there was...
I didn't even really like animals at the time - they were dirty...and stinky... and they, eeww of all eewwws, licked themselves.
Still, I watched for him everyday. And one day, there he was, at my back door.
I was completely taken.
After a few visits, I fed him some cheese nips by tossing them out the back door and he ate so many that he threw up.
That's when I knew I loved him.
I wasn't disgusted by watching him throw up – but instead, was worried that I had made him sick.
My neighbors told me he had been running around the neighborhood for years, apparently abandoned...that he was very sweet... but that he wouldn't come too close.
One cold evening I opened my door for him. He came inside, crawled up on my chest, and slept for 12hours.
He never left again... until Sunday.
Doodle has taught me many things throughout these years. He has taught me that the superficial things in life are unimportant. That there is value in silence... and in solitude... that love isn't about “things” and perhaps most importantly, he has taught me that I am capable of commitment.
I had always been the type of person that if things got tough, or unpleasant... I would just walk away...
It's why I've been married 3 times, and why even though I wanted a child, I always questioned my ability to be a good mother.
But when Doodle was diagnosed with diabetes in 2007, I decided that I was going to commit. I promised him I would do what needed to be done – no matter what.
I had no idea at the time that he would be so difficult to regulate... that I was committing to 3 or 4 shots a day, to multiple tests and hours of lost sleep... But he was always such a good patient, and his quiet strength and ability to find joy in a simple ray of sunshine was inspiring.
Early last year when he was diagnosed with hyperaldosteronism and kidney disease, I knew he didn't have a lot of time left. And when he started having breathing issues and was diagnosed with heart disease a few months later I thought he would be gone within a matter of days. But despite the risks, the cost, and the odds, we took him to University of Florida to see if they could help him. 2 surgeries, (an overdose of insulin,) a blood transfusion and a week later, he came home with a feeding tube and a diagnoses of hepatic lipidosis and cryptococcosis. - a fungal infection that was the cause of his breathing issues and some of the damage to his heart.
He went from 9lbs to 6lbs and he struggled to recover. He worked soo hard... and slowly over the months he regained some of his strength, seeming to have an even greater interest in affection. He loved being in our laps or snuggled up on our chest.
I was starting to feel comfortable in my optimism... But his kidney function deteriorated dramatically in the last few weeks of his life and his blood pressure and and potassium level became uncontrollable.
He surrendered peacefully in his last few moments – with no less grace than I would ever have expected...but more than I could have imagined, had I not seen it for myself.
He was blind in the end, but he never lost sight of me... he never stopped comforting me. And he will never stop making me a better person. He reminded me every day how to recognize and appreciate a good moment in the midst of all the bad ones - how to smile through the tears.
He will forever have my love and my gratitude.
He couldn't save the world... but to the one he saved... he meant the world.
:!: https://picasaweb.google.com/earthgurrl ... directlink :!:
I wanted this video to show the fullness of Doodle's life with us – from the beginning until the final moments before he left us.
It shows both our happy and sad moments and hopefully it shows the love we shared.
