January 24, 1999
Just dawned on me this morning after getting a nice email
from Pieter (some of you will know him because of his diabetic cat,
Wanja) that all the dreams about Austin are probably an anniversary
reaction. Austin has been at Rainbow Bridge for almost a year. Hope
he isn't calling me to join him just yet!
Work has been a bit stressful, the kittens are getting more adorable
every day but no less rambunctious, and Ripley is such a terrific
but complex cat. It does disturb me to dream so much of Austin.
I do need some good cat hugs. The gatos are learning; little Beck
will sit in my lap often (probably thinking I will feed her!) and
Buck snuggles to my legs every night. Ripley will even come back
to bed many mornings after Paul leaves, curl up on the pillow next
to me, and press her back against me. I wonder if I have enough
love to give them all.
No matter how much I miss Austin, I am so glad we still have cats
in our lives. Austin was the cat who taught me that life is incomplete
without a feline companion. Maybe he is just trying to remind me
February 2, 1999
The dreams took an interesting turn last night!
I am fuzzy on the details, but first I was dreaming about Eugene.
Eugene brought a tiny nearly dead kitten, also a piebald, into the
house and laid it on the bed, and I began to try to revive it. Eugene
knocked the kitten to the floor, I turned around and there was no
Eugene, no kitten, but Miss Ripley! And it seemed very natural.
Next, I let Austin out of the back door and told him not to stay
gone too long. When I went back to let him inside, there sat Buck
and Beck, but no Austin. I brought them in and said, So this is
what Austin left me...
In September, I named this episode of the diary "Coming Full
Circle." Maybe we really have finally come full circle. I am
sure the boys are sitting up at Rainbow Bridge laughing at me!
February 22, 1999
I got home late last night after a few days out of town and
found a package from Molly, designer of our logo. The Feline Diabetes
t-shirts I ordered had come in the mail. I sat there, looking at
Austin's handsome face, thinking that this was the first anniversary
of his death.
This morning Los Gatos and Miss Ripley were especially sweet and
affectionate. Maybe they sensed it was Austin's anniversary. Their
good behavior went a long way toward easing some of my sorrow.
And then this afternoon, I got the following email:
"To all our Feline Friends: The sugarcat humor board has posted
a TRIBUTE page to AUSTIN, one of the co-founders of the Feline Diabetes
Board (with EUGENE and REBECCA.) In honor of the anniversary of
his death today, we pause for a moment and thank Rebecca, Eugene,
and Austin for making it possible to share our experiences and knowledge
towards a better understanding in the fight against FELINE DIABETES.
Austin and Eugene, and all the other sugarcats who have joined you,
may you rest in peace. Thank you Michael, for making the tribute
possible. You are a real gem! Thank you Rebecca, for making our
lives, and our kitties' lives, more meaningful and for linking us
all together. We have made some GREAT friends through the FDMB!
Pam and DJ, and all the other Sugarcat Humor Board Members the link
is at: http://www.sugarcats.com/memorial/austin.htm
What wonderful, wonderful friends are the people and cats on the
Feline Diabetes site!
September 1, 1999
The last week I have been having terrible dreams about Austin
& Eugene being in danger. For example, in New Orleans this last
week, I spent one especially horrible night having the same dream
again and again about danger to our boys. I would wake up in a panic
then calm myself by saying that everything was okay, that Austin
& Gene were dead and were safe and happy forever. Then the dream
again. Last night I couldn't sleep for missing the boys so badly.
Buckley was sleeping curled against his dad's knees, so I scooted
down in bed so Buck could sleep with his head in my hand. Finally
I fell asleep, but still had the dreams about our boys.
Today I was emailing my brother Patrick about these dreams when
DUH! I logged onto the Piebald
home page and sure enough, today is the second anniversary of
Eugene's death. Now I feel even sicker. Gene's