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User Profile : Chet & ClaraKitty
| Date Registered: | 11/17/04 04:11AM |
| : | ClaraKitty  With a very heavy heart, I write this to say my beautiful little girl passed on from this life Friday, February 3rd at 6:30 pm while I held her tightly in my arms and whispered “I love you” continuously in her ears as we both looked out at a rare and spectacular winter sunset. During the last week, it became evident to me that the mix of medical conditions had become too much for her frail 15 year old body to continue to endure, and when I looked into her tired eyes last Thursday evening, I knew she was losing her spirit and it was time for me to keep the promise I made to her years ago -- I would never keep her longer than necessary for my sake. As she was set free from her pain, I knew mine was beginning, and that pain has lived up to, and surpassed, every expectation I had of it. There are no words to express the sadness I feel or how much I miss her. Clara came into my life over 14 years ago on my 32nd birthday in August of 1991. I was 50 days fresh out of a 28-day hospital based drug/alcohol treatment program I entered on May 31, 1991 after battling alcoholism for most of my adult life. The three-year relationship I had been involved in at the time abruptly ended (not by my choice) on my 9th day in the treatment center, but I stuck it out and finished the program on June 28, 1991. To say that rejoining the “real world” was difficult for me would be an understatement. Those first few weeks out of treatment were touch-and-go and I found the same old fears that led me to drinking begin to manifest themselves all over again. My 32nd birthday started out anything but happy – I was scared, lonely and depressed out of my mind. Little did I know what was in store for me as the day progressed. I had no intention of coming home with a cat that day I walked into the Petco store to buy more hummingbird food and noticed the SPCA was having their weekend adoption program, but as I walked by the cages of the “late afternoon” group of sad looking animals (the ones nobody was interested in adopting) and I saw that little scrawny black cat curled up in a ball at the back of her cage lift her head, give me a once-over, and then lower her head back down as mechanically as she raised it as if to say “there’s another one that’s going to smile and keep on walking by,” I looked at her and said “I know exactly how you feel!” loud enough to attract the attention of the SPCA volunteer who was immediately at my side asking me if I wanted to hold her. Ten minutes later we were out the door and on our way home. That was the beginning of a 14+ year relationship that enriched my life to a level I never quite imagined possible. So many people have continually commented on how much I’ve done for Clara, but in reality, it’s been more about what Clara has done for me: she gave me an unconditional love with a welcoming consistency I’ve never quite experienced anywhere else in my life. She may not have been able to speak English, but she didn’t need to. We communicated beautifully. In November of 1998 when I learned Clara was diabetic, I remember looking at her and saying “it’s time for me to take care of you for a change” and I was grateful to have been given the opportunity to do so. Even after the diabetes diagnosis, we had six more good years together. It wasn’t until 2005 that the other health issues came into the picture and her health slowly began to decline. Letting her go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I can say that with certainty. But despite knowing how difficult the time would be for me after she was gone, I knew in my heart of hearts that it would still be better than it was for me those last few days seeing her so sick and never moving off the floor of my bedroom closet. It was time, and I’ve never second-guessed my decision. I just wish I never would have had to make it and that we could have had more time together. I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to look at another red sky sunset without picturing her reflection in the window on that final day as I let her go. And I suppose I’ll continue to leave my closet doors open part way out of habit. And if I continue to dip my little finger in my glass of milk and hold it outstretched it’s not because I’ve forgotten that she’s gone, it’s because I know she isn’t, because I don’t believe when you love someone that much they are ever really gone. If there is a heaven that awaits me when I’m done with my life, then Clara will be there too, because it would never truly be heaven for me without her … my beautiful little kitty cat … my Clara. I love you. Chet February 7, 2006 NEWS UPDATE (11/7/2007) I Call Him Carlton |
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