Jeddie update

(I posted this in Peggy's thread because she asked how he was doing)

The shock of Jeddie's diagnosis and prognosis is wearing off and in most ways he is unchanged. He has trouble eating some things and I am still discovering what is problematic. I am sure he is eating less overall, but he does eat from the food dishes and drink water (he actually drinks more water than before but we just had two really hot (record setting) days. I think the chemo causes increased thirst too (his BGs are normal for him). That and his filthy paws and inability to thoroughly groom himself are the major things.

He went running after the girls earlier tonight when they were tearing around and last night he tried to play with Beau's tail, which didn't sit well with Beau. I have never seen him try to play with someone's tail before. Also yesterday, he slept in the cat bed I made for Beau when I first got him and he was "living" under my dining room table sleeping on the bare wood floor in winter. Beau never slept in that bed until I moved here. He slept in front of it. Anyway, Jeddie had never been in it before that I know if.

His chin is noticeably bigger. :cry:

 

They often prescribe oral steroids for cancer...I know it's a no-no in regards to diabetes, but if he is on them....that would explain the increased thirst. It makes sense that it could be the chemo drugs too, after all, one is shrinking cells and one is killing them - both affecting the cell, both causing a depletion.

I'm glad to see in your post that he's acting normal...or at least not abnormal/pain, etc. The increase size of his chin must be worrisome and I'm not sure I would be handling all of this as gracefully as you are. I love reading about the things you notice; the care and love you have for Jeddie is so evident and I'm in awe that you are able to pull out the gems in this not so shiney experience.

My thoughts continue to be with you.

 

I, too, like to keep up with Jeddie.

I've read up a little on acro and always check Sneakers against the known symptoms so i understand how the little changes seem big.

Glad Jeddie got to chase the girls a bit .

 

thoughts and prayers always for you and Jeddie !!

 

Hi sheila,
praying for you both!
its a good sign that he is trying to play
You are an awesome momma!

 

I am trying to give him the most normal life I can for as long as I can. The sad thing is that this is not a matter of "if" anymore, but of "when". Not sure if any of you noticed that I put his dx in my signature line.

In some ways - many way - that is the same as life. The only difference is that I have a set time line (or think I do - it could change). I keep wondering if I would rather know or not know. My sister lost her favorite cat about a year ago suddenly. She came home from work and he was gone. He was only 10 and totally healthy as far as she knew. She never got to say good bye or to be with him in the end. That is terribly sad. I will get to say good bye and will most likely be with him in he end. Those are gifts.

What's hard is thinking, "this is his last spring, this is the last time he will "help" plant the window boxes, etc." It's really hard. What you all don't see are the tears when I type about the inevitable, or hear my voice crack when I talk about it (well, Laura, Vicky and Venita have).

I decided to write a story about it - more like documenting it, but in a first person narrative. I feel like I have to give this "meaning" when, really, it has no meaning. But even if no one except me ever reads it, I think it will help me to write it.

And I appreciate all of you and your support and prayers more than I can express. "Thank you" doesn't come close, but it is the best I can do.

 

As I read your post, I had a thought that you must have made an error!

This spring is not the LAST spring; this spring is going to be the VERY BEST spring.
Enjoy every moment because you have been the gift of time, something that others, like your sister, did not have. You and he are going to have the very best of treasured moments, and very special times.

Documenting will be amazing... lots of pictures and tons of stories. He can help you plant something special that will be all about him, his plants, his spot in the garden.

What a beautiful gift; I know that both of you will never forget them.

 

For me, knowing has been a gift; hard yes, but a gift none the less. You do get to say goodbye and you do get to be there in the end, but I think you also get so much more. You have time to really appreciate the things you may not have. You have time to hold them close to you not only while you're smiling but also when the tears make it hard to see. You have time to love them completely and to cherish them loving you back.

Most of all, you hold the precious key to Jeddie's freedom from pain and suffering and with your love and guidance, you'll give him the extraordinary gift of peace.

I'm glad that you are writing about this journey, I don't doubt for one second that it will ease your path.

 

((((((Sheila))))))

No matter what their age, I know all of us go through/went through those times when we realize there is an inevitableness once we come to grips with their condition. I remember thinking "I wish I had known that was going to be his last spring, etc." I had been conscious of it in the past, when he had parathyroid surgery I told him, "just make it to springtime, buddy." And he did, 3 more in fact.

The journal writing is a good idea. I love how Lynda wrote about Scruffy in his blog. I could never bring myself to do that about Gandalf. I don't know if it was because it was too painful or why. But now I find myself wishing I had.

You are very welcome to all our prayers and thoughts. :YMHUG:

 

(((Sheila)))
Thinking of you and Jeddie. The story will be a wonderful tribute to Jeddie and your love for him. I hope you'll share it with us.
Sending you all prayers, comforting thoughts and gentle hugs.

 

(((((((((Sheila & Jeddie)))))))))))) Continued prayers For strength & comfort.

 

Tonight Jeddie was on my lap and Beau was next to me on the sofa. They each had a paw stuck out and it might have been coincidental, but they looked like they were holding hands.

I didn't get a picture of it as my camera was not within reach.

 

I am not sure if it's convenient for you, but I have been in the habit lately to wear something with pockets, and have my camera with me all the time.

Even though you did not get a picture with your camera, you have a picture of it in your mind forever.

 

Yeah, I usually have it within reach of the sofa, but I had it in the back by my computer to upload this photo:


I forgot to move it back to the living room. :roll:

 

What Vicky said....

This is such a nice and thoughtful thread. So many beautiful comments and experiences. Yes, I agree. If you are up to it, I think it would be a wonderful idea to start a blog.

Cats are so strange when things are not just right with them. Small things even, cause them to change their normal habits and rituals. Try not to read too much into what Jeddie is doing differently. He is adjusting in the only way he knows how now. It will be fine. Jeddie will adjust and be fine. I think you are being so strong and the one thing you can do now is to try and be as positive as you can. Jeddie would tell you if he could.....Mom, I am doing fine.

Love you my friend.

P.S. Love the picture of the two boys. Is that Beau's cat bed he is sleeping in?

P.S.S. Again, regarding the blog....yes, you should. I will copy this to Lynda. She would love that her blog was mentioned too.

 

Thanks, Pamela and Vicky, for the mentions of my beloved Scruffy. After he was gone, Jess suggested that I make a post on Health, encouraging people to have blogs. As it turned out, in poor Scruffy's all-too-short life, he ended up with several unpleasant/horrible diseases, and I did feel, as time went on, that some of my blithering and blurry photographs might have been helpful to people who found the blog. To date, there have been more than 8,000 page views. Not all of them were significant, of course; a lot of them were just accidents or Google misdirections. But I heard several times from people who, in particular, had cats with iris melanosis/melanoma. I'm proud of the pictures I had of Scruffy's eye/eyes, and of being able to help people who weren't sure where to go with that problem. I still have all of the individual reports from his chemotherapy treatments, which I do intend to post on the blog, if I ever find the energy to it. (And someone here peed on them, to make things even more difficult!) Right now, it seems intellectually like there's some comfort to having the blog, but I cannot bring myself to go there. It hurts too much.

I'm not doing very well getting over losing Scruffy. I can't figure out why. He wasn't the first cat I lost, although he was the first to have CRF and diagnosed cancer. I don't know if it was the shock of discovering that the odd little cat that I loved so much had cancer and I didn't even know it, or if it was the suddenness and the hopelessness of his fight, or guilt that I gave up the battle. Or if it was that I felt swept up in the chemotherapy struggle and the brief periods of thinking that maybe there was a chance Puffer would survive.......... I don't know. Sometimes I think it must have to do with the fact that, every single day for almost eight years, I had stuff to do with/to him. Caretaker syndrome. Shots, bg tests, pills, eyedrops, and ultimately fluids and more pills. It's been three months (next week!) since his last trip to the vet, and I have cried virtually every day. I can't even have his name float through my mind without tears rolling down my cheeks.

Sheila, you are such a wonderful photographer and writer. You will treasure all these memories of this time in Jeddie's life. And putting them in one place, in a blog, is such a great idea. A tribute to your beautiful orange and white kitty. And to you, for the caring and the adopting and all of the diabetes stuff, and for willingly going through the grief and sadness of these last days with him, to reassure him that he is so loved and to do what you can. I guess it is a gift to us, no matter how painful, to be allowed to care so deeply for our furry friends. I found, as we got closer to the end, there were moments and even hours of such sweetness with Scruffy. He never stopped being the first one at the food dishes, or to take his ordained place on my lap to snuggle his head in my palm; he never fussed about fluids or pills or trips to the hospital; he trailed along behind me when it must have caused him pain. He was just my sweet boy, for all of his days. Sometimes we are so blessed, and we don't even realize it......

 

((((((Lynda))))))

I am crying right along with you, honey. Thank you for sharing your beautiful but so painful perspective.

 

(((((Sheila, Beau & Jeddie))))))

I agree you have truly been given a gift in both the time and the knowing, to be able to capture all those treasured moments that sometimes we forget to take time to make a permanent record of, and then when they leave us wish we would have. It was something that Muse taught me, to take tons of pictures, as I regret I have so few of her and the ones I do have aren't of what I would call special ones, those that made Muse well Muse. They aren't the ones of her in her special poses, but more just pictures of her with the other cats.

That I didn't get pictures of her smelling the roses or talking to the birds at the feeder etc...I never expected her to go so quickly or while I was sleeping so we never got to say good-bye and that is a regret that I have to live with. If I had known her last night with us was her last night oh how I would have done so many things differently. But she taught me to never take a moment with my precious fur babies for granted. To record even those moments in their lives that just seem so ordinary, just so much a part of just sharing our lives together.

You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Mel, Maxwell, Musette, Autumn & The Fur Gang

 

I am trying to digest all this information and support. It is so overwhelming - in a good way - that you all care so much. And I know every single one of you has the painful experience to back up what you are saying.

I know the anguish that Lynda expressed in her blog about Scruffy, which I just perused at length and cried over the love she expressed for him - and knowing that is ahead for me. And Mel, I see that Musette is back in the hospital and I know you are worried sick, but took the time to try and spare me some of the pain you have about Muse. You are right, it is the ordinary moments that we take for granted every day, but are the ones that make them who they are.

I have tons of photos of Jeddie, and the other cats, but I was shocked when I first took him to the vet and started this whole process that it had been three weeks since I last took pictures of him or any of them. There was already such a change in him. I am trying to not let a day go by without photos. Thank God for digital cameras and "unlimited" ability to store images on my computer.

The bottom line is, and I will keep saying this, we never know how long we have with any living creature. Last night, with Beau on my lap and Jeddie next to me, I was thinking what if I focus all this time and money on Jeddie and something happens to Beau? He will be 14 in two months and well beyond the prognosis he got when he was dx with HCM (up to age 8). It could be any time with him too. And that all gets too be too much weight to carry around.

I am trying to celebrate each of these four that share my life with me now every day. And notice the ordinary things they do that are so unique to them. And give them their special attention each day. These things also apply to our family and friends. Connect to every life, every day, even if just in prayer...that is my intention.