4/8 - Xander | AMPS 305, +2 246, +4 46 - Thoughts about reduction with unique testing situation

[Brianna & Xander]

4/7/25

Soooo second active day on 3 units and of course he had to dive again and (supposedly) earn a reduction. Seems like when he gets any action it's always a dive of like 150-200 points in under 2 hours.

I'm hoping for some thoughts. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this incoming novel.

As much as I desperately, with all of my SOUL wish he tolerated testing manually, it has shown to essentially be impossible to do, especially by myself. He's an ex-feral cat and it basically requires one person to hold him and one person to do the pricking. Even then, we rarely manage it, no matter how many times we've tried. We've read and watched every available piece of information 100 times. It's not a matter of not knowing how. Either we don't get enough blood (if any), or the meter continuously has errors (like "used strip," over and over and over). We understand the techniques. We understand that they "get better" at bleeding. He hasn't. We can't afford to keep trying different glucose readers to find one that works better, so we're stuck with what we've got (which is one I have seen recommended anyway). I know that the paw pad is also an option but if there's one thing even he's even less likely to tolerate, it's that. I know that people think that every single cat was "difficult" at first, but I would invite anyone who thinks that there are no exceptions to come and do it themselves. Best of luck!

Anyway, the point I'm getting to is: if he's higher than the Libre says and he's not actually going under 50, obviously we're never going to get any better because we're reducing when we shouldn't. But I don't know how I can possibly avoid that if I can't reliably manually test. Even if we could consistently manage it with two people, 90% of the time my partner isn't here and available to help. If I started trapping him for the sake of trying this over and over, he would absolutely start hiding from me and I wouldn't be able to give him insulin anymore, which is obviously far worse. It may sound like I'm being dramatic, but I know my cat. I've had him for over 11 years. He has always, in every regard, been different.

He hit the lowest of (supposedly) 46 today. (FWIW, 3-4 hours after the fact when the Libre has had time to adjust its graph [it often adjusts out things I assume it decides probably didn't actually happen, like numbers that don't make sense], it shows the lowest number today as 53, despite having seen a 46 in the moment.) He was up and alert and eating a LC snack. No symptoms of being hypo at all. By the time I was set up to once again attempt to manually test, he had gone back up to the 80s. Since he often dips low again, I figured I'd wait until that happens to bother and not stress him out needlessly. That was about an hour ago though and he's been floating between 70-95 since then, making it seem even less likely to have been a real low. We're also nearing the end of this Libre and from what I understand they're least accurate in the first 12-24 hours and the last couple of days, so it seems fairly unlikely that he did actually earn a reduction.

Again, to anyone who thinks that there aren't exceptions and that my cat can't possibly be different than most, please come and try yourself. "ECID" is something that gets said here a lot and it absolutely applies to this too. A great example: my partner has to not move or make any sound when I give an injection. Literally, no exaggeration. This morning Xander ran away from me because he heard my partner literally tiptoe into the kitchen on a different floor of our apartment. It made so little noise that I barely heard it, but it was enough for him to dart. If we're cuddling comfortably and he's out, something as simple as a whisper of sound or slight movement is enough to make him suspicious or outright run. He. Is. Different. Please believe that if it were at all manageable for us I would much rather be manually testing than spending $70-100/month on Libres.

Just curious what others thought. Should I reduce anyway? Should I lower the threshold of reduction according to the Libre since it tends to run lower (so maybe reduce at <40-45 on the Libre)? The one and only time I was ever able to manually test to compare, the Libre read 65 and the manual test was 75.

I feel like a broken record but... Again... I understand that manual testing is the gold standard. I understand that everyone struggles at first and that it usually gets better. But sometimes situations really, genuinely are different. This is one of them. I desperately wish it weren't. I'd give anything for even a single part of any of this to go the way it seems to for 95% of people. This is the situation I have to work with. I'm just curious if anyone has any thoughts about how I should navigate what I'm stuck with. Thank you as always.

ETA: Just tried again when he hit 53. Tried for 20 minutes after catching him. Out of 6 test strips with plenty of blood, literally 0 readings. Nothing to show for it except a very stressed kitty and a sore ear. FWIW, if he's stressed he won't even eat a Churu. He doesn't want one even after it's over. So the reward/distraction thing is no help with this. Practice has not helped. It simply doesn't work for us.

 

[Laurie&Petey]

You are in a tough position. I think everyone will make recommendations based on data and the data you have says to reduce.

Can you look at other Libre user SS that also manually test and see what they get in the Libre lower range? Maybe that can help you make a safe decision?

 

[Brianna & Xander]

You are in a tough position. I think everyone will make recomendations based on data and the data you have says to reduce.

Can you look at other Libre user SS that also manually test and see what they get in the Libre lower range? Maybe that can help you make a safe decision?

When I look at @Staci & Ivy 's spreadsheet, if I'm understanding it correctly, it looks like the Libre's LO (which is anything <40) can be off by anywhere from 30-100 points. The one comparison I was ever able to make was only a 10 point difference.

When I look elsewhere online I can find people either saying it's almost spot on (aside from the time discrepancy with the Libre being 15 minutes behind), or people saying it's so far off that it's unusable (which usually results in having it replaced). No in-between. Which I guess makes sense (people tend to post about something if it's super positive or super negative, but not if it's average.)

 

[Seth&Bell]

Wow what a drop! I am not experienced to give dosing advice, but I would say that you need to be comfortable with the situation, whatever you end up deciding on the reduction point. Sorry he is so difficult to poke!

 

[Brianna & Xander]

Wow what a drop! I am not experienced to give dosing advice, but I would say that you need to be comfortable with the situation, whatever you end up deciding on the reduction point. Sorry he is so difficult to poke!

He does like to do that! That's why I've said in the past that if he's gonna see any action, it's almost definitely going to be a nosedive with a reduction. I've tried to make it better with food manipulation but it never seems to work the way I expect.

Absolutely agreed that I have to be comfortable! That's an important point too. I wish so badly that I could just test normally. It drives me crazy. Everything would be so much easier.

 

[Laurie&Petey]

The one comparison I was ever able to make was only a 10 point difference.

EDIT: Removed my questions, you answered above and your SS shows it was not a low alert due to pressure. Don't forget if you choose not to decrease the depot just keeps getting filled....

 

[Brianna & Xander]

Don't forget if you choose not to decrease the depot just keeps getting filled....

That's a good point that I hadn't even thought of, so thank you! For some reason I had been picturing the depot being a finite "tank" and that at some point it's "full" and stops being added to, which doesn't really make any sense I guess.

 

[Laurie&Petey]

That's a good point that I hadn't even thought of, so thank you! For some reason I had been picturing the depot being a finite "tank" and that at some point it's "full" and stops being added to, which doesn't really make any sense I guess.

I just realized I was mistaken, it's the AT3 and human meter that are said to get closer in numbers in the lower range, and the Libre is said to read lower than both handheld and the AT3 in the lower range. Still not very helpful for you, but wanted to correct myself.

 

[Tim & Pookey]

Ahh, sorry Brianna, that’s got to be stressful for you and knowing this community is big on manual testing too... But there’s got to be a plan to be had for people in your position. My gut feeling is to follow TR the best and safest way you can with the numbers you have. Even if you’re not perfect in your dosing, you can always go back up, and he is still getting great care.

 

[Wendy&Neko]

I had been picturing the depot being a finite "tank" and that at some point it's "full" and stops being added to, which doesn't really make any sense I guess.

That's more the way I think of it, like a bath tub that once it gets full, is full and excess flows over. However, fur shots or skips will drain that tub and it can take six cycles to fill it back up again. You are cycle 5 since the PFS on the PM of the 5th. Similarly 5 cycles into this dose so another reason the 3.0 unit depot may not be full yet.

Given your unique situation on testing, I think you have to learn what works for Xander. You've not got much in the way of experience with how he handles reductions when following TR. You could try it and see if it holds. If not, then maybe consider lowering the Libre reduction threshold a bit.

FWIW - I've BG tested two ferals in my life. But as we know, ferals come on a spectrum. And some adapt better than others to indoor life. You deal with whatever cat you have.

 

[Staci & Ivy]

Hi Brianna, weighing in from the other difficult cat on this forum.
As you know, I’ve been dealing with this for several years and using a Libre for several years.

I can get the occasional test in when Ivy is very low and I just want to make sure of where she is. But I can’t test her every day all day. I don’t see it ever going to happen for us.

I just do the best I can with the Libre and try to make it work as best I can. I know you are doing the same.

The only thing I can tell you is, I try to test when she goes down to LO on the Libre. Sometimes I’ve caught her in the 60s and sometimes it’s over 100 on a handheld device.
Most of the time I remind myself don’t bother testing if she’s 45 and above because for us, she’s going to be well over 100.
Now, I must add to all that ECID is, of course the standard line.
And I do believe that to be true.

I’ve seen other others here who used the Libre and will test on a handheld and their values are closer in range. They could be 20 to 30 Point difference, or sometimes even 10 points.
My spread is usually larger so I have to go by what I see between my handheld and my Libre.

Personally, I don’t find the Libre to be off at the beginning or the end of the life of the sensor, but that’s just me.
If you were really uncomfortable with the last day, you could always end the Libre a day early and avoid that if you are uncomfortable with the last days worth of data and only get 13 days out of the Libre sensor.
(Just scan a new sensor and then remove the old one once the new one is up and running),

So as Wendy mentioned, you could always lower your reduction point when you’re trying to take reductions if you feel you’re taking too many reductions based on just the Libre.

Somehow, we all have to figure out what will work for us, and you are absolutely doing the best you can for Xander given his nervousness and not wanting to be tested.

I totally feel your pain, I see you and I hear you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to just suck it up and test Ivy.
Well, I know my cat too, and I know that that’s not going to happen upwards of 10 times a day.
For me to get one to two tests out of her within an hour can be like I’m dealing with a feral cat.

There’s a reason I have to sedate her just to take her to the vet every single time. She’s fractious.

I’m sorry It’s so difficult, but I totally understand what you’re going through and I don’t want you to feel so alone. Just know that I’m here dealing with a similar situation.
I think Ivy’s better than Xander at this point. Maybe she’s just used to it because we’ve been doing it for 2 1/2 years. But, I still can’t hear poke her all day every day.

I’m not really answering all of your questions here and I apologize for that. I just wanted to give you a little support and let you know you’re not alone and validate what you’re feeling and let you know that I understand it’s real what you’re going through. Most others just don’t understand because their cats do “get with the program”. I wish Ivy had read the manual and learned to cooperate, but she still hasn’t.
Maybe Xander will one day we can only hope!
Sending you lots of big hug hugs, I think you’re doing a really incredible job with him. He’s so lucky to have you

 

[David & Mochi]

4/7/25

Soooo second active day on 3 units and of course he had to dive again and (supposedly) earn a reduction. Seems like when he gets any action it's always a dive of like 150-200 points in under 2 hours.

I'm hoping for some thoughts. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this incoming novel.

As much as I desperately, with all of my SOUL wish he tolerated testing manually, it has shown to essentially be impossible to do, especially by myself. He's an ex-feral cat and it basically requires one person to hold him and one person to do the pricking. Even then, we rarely manage it, no matter how many times we've tried. We've read and watched every available piece of information 100 times. It's not a matter of not knowing how. Either we don't get enough blood (if any), or the meter continuously has errors (like "used strip," over and over and over). We understand the techniques. We understand that they "get better" at bleeding. He hasn't. We can't afford to keep trying different glucose readers to find one that works better, so we're stuck with what we've got (which is one I have seen recommended anyway). I know that the paw pad is also an option but if there's one thing even he's even less likely to tolerate, it's that. I know that people think that every single cat was "difficult" at first, but I would invite anyone who thinks that there are no exceptions to come and do it themselves. Best of luck!

Anyway, the point I'm getting to is: if he's higher than the Libre says and he's not actually going under 50, obviously we're never going to get any better because we're reducing when we shouldn't. But I don't know how I can possibly avoid that if I can't reliably manually test. Even if we could consistently manage it with two people, 90% of the time my partner isn't here and available to help. If I started trapping him for the sake of trying this over and over, he would absolutely start hiding from me and I wouldn't be able to give him insulin anymore, which is obviously far worse. It may sound like I'm being dramatic, but I know my cat. I've had him for over 11 years. He has always, in every regard, been different.

He hit the lowest of (supposedly) 46 today. (FWIW, 3-4 hours after the fact when the Libre has had time to adjust its graph [it often adjusts out things I assume it decides probably didn't actually happen, like numbers that don't make sense], it shows the lowest number today as 53, despite having seen a 46 in the moment.) He was up and alert and eating a LC snack. No symptoms of being hypo at all. By the time I was set up to once again attempt to manually test, he had gone back up to the 80s. Since he often dips low again, I figured I'd wait until that happens to bother and not stress him out needlessly. That was about an hour ago though and he's been floating between 70-95 since then, making it seem even less likely to have been a real low. We're also nearing the end of this Libre and from what I understand they're least accurate in the first 12-24 hours and the last couple of days, so it seems fairly unlikely that he did actually earn a reduction.

Again, to anyone who thinks that there aren't exceptions and that my cat can't possibly be different than most, please come and try yourself. "ECID" is something that gets said here a lot and it absolutely applies to this too. A great example: my partner has to not move or make any sound when I give an injection. Literally, no exaggeration. This morning Xander ran away from me because he heard my partner literally tiptoe into the kitchen on a different floor of our apartment. It made so little noise that I barely heard it, but it was enough for him to dart. If we're cuddling comfortably and he's out, something as simple as a whisper of sound or slight movement is enough to make him suspicious or outright run. He. Is. Different. Please believe that if it were at all manageable for us I would much rather be manually testing than spending $70-100/month on Libres.

Just curious what others thought. Should I reduce anyway? Should I lower the threshold of reduction according to the Libre since it tends to run lower (so maybe reduce at <40-45 on the Libre)? The one and only time I was ever able to manually test to compare, the Libre read 65 and the manual test was 75.

I feel like a broken record but... Again... I understand that manual testing is the gold standard. I understand that everyone struggles at first and that it usually gets better. But sometimes situations really, genuinely are different. This is one of them. I desperately wish it weren't. I'd give anything for even a single part of any of this to go the way it seems to for 95% of people. This is the situation I have to work with. I'm just curious if anyone has any thoughts about how I should navigate what I'm stuck with. Thank you as always.

ETA: Just tried again when he hit 53. Tried for 20 minutes after catching him. Out of 6 test strips with plenty of blood, literally 0 readings. Nothing to show for it except a very stressed kitty and a sore ear. FWIW, if he's stressed he won't even eat a Churu. He doesn't want one even after it's over. So the reward/distraction thing is no help with this. Practice has not helped. It simply doesn't work for us.

I've also in those situations or when errors occur that later the graph tends to adjust/correct those as you said. I still don't know exactly what is and isn't accurate but so far I tend to ignore the straight lines down and pay more attention to when it goes in a wave like pattern. Sorry don't really have any answers about dosing and I get how frustrating the libre is as the only source (I'm still working on building up trust slowly).
Edit-Sorry, didn't see you mention pressure errors but someone else brought it up.

 

[Brianna & Xander]

That's more the way I think of it, like a bath tub that once it gets full, is full and excess flows over. However, fur shots or skips will drain that tub and it can take six cycles to fill it back up again. You are cycle 5 since the PFS on the PM of the 5th. Similarly 5 cycles into this dose so another reason the 3.0 unit depot may not be full yet.

Given your unique situation on testing, I think you have to learn what works for Xander. You've not got much in the way of experience with how he handles reductions when following TR. You could try it and see if it holds. If not, then maybe consider lowering the Libre reduction threshold a bit.

FWIW - I've BG tested two ferals in my life. But as we know, ferals come on a spectrum. And some adapt better than others to indoor life. You deal with whatever cat you have.

Thank you for your input! It gives me some hope that my idea of adjusting my reduce number isn't an entirely crazy idea.

I was heavily leaning toward keeping the 3 for now and seeing what happens, but we've got 24 hours left on this Libre and then start the new one (with the possibility of early inaccuracy) so I reduced to 2.75. If it weren't this point in the Libre cycle I wouldn't have, but it seems safer. At least IIRC I don't have to hold the reduction for any specific amount of time and if he starts going back up I can just go back up too.

 

[David & Mochi]

Thank you for your input! It gives me some hope that my idea of adjusting my reduce number isn't an entirely crazy idea.

I was heavily leaning toward keeping the 3 for now and seeing what happens, but we've got 24 hours left on this Libre and then start the new one (with the possibility of early inaccuracy) so I reduced to 2.75. If it weren't this point in the Libre cycle I wouldn't have, but it seems safer. At least IIRC I don't have to hold the reduction for any specific amount of time and if he starts going back up I can just go back up too.

It's a tough spot youre in. I've been anxious about when I get to those lower numbers if I havn't gotten Mochi used to the blood tests. It's unique, she is most laid back calm cat, but I think because she trusts me so much, she resists when I do things she doesnt like but when shes at the vet and nervous, she will just lay there and let them do whatever they want. You know your cat better than anyone and I think you're making a good decision based on what info you have available.

 

[Brianna & Xander]

Hi Brianna, weighing in from the other difficult cat on this forum.
As you know, I’ve been dealing with this for several years and using a Libre for several years.

I can get the occasional test in when Ivy is very low and I just want to make sure of where she is. But I can’t test her every day all day. I don’t see it ever going to happen for us.

I just do the best I can with the Libre and try to make it work as best I can. I know you are doing the same.

The only thing I can tell you is, I try to test when she goes down to LO on the Libre. Sometimes I’ve caught her in the 60s and sometimes it’s over 100 on a handheld device.
Most of the time I remind myself don’t bother testing if she’s 45 and above because for us, she’s going to be well over 100.
Now, I must add to all that ECID is, of course the standard line.
And I do believe that to be true.

Oh, Staci, I can't tell you how much your response means to me. Literal tears. I often really do feel all alone in this, being someone with a situation most can't fully understand or relate to.

I do at least try to test if he goes under 50, it just never gets us anywhere but more stressed and now a harder few days of giving injections because he doesn't trust me. All to not have gotten an answer anyway. Like what's the point?

I have definitely considered "soaking" the new one, as I've seen it described. The only problem with that is that the process of replacing it in general is stressful and traumatic for him so we try to do all the unpleasant things at once so he's done for 2 weeks. I don't really want to have to take off his bandage, trap him to take the old one off and replace the bandage the next day, if that makes sense.

I’ve seen other others here who used the Libre and I totally feel your pain, I see you and I hear you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to just suck it up and test Ivy.
Well, I know my cat too, and I know that that’s not going to happen upwards of 10 times a day.
For me to get one to two tests out of her within an hour can be like I’m dealing with a feral cat.

There’s a reason I have to sedate her just to take her to the vet every single time. She’s fractious.

I'm so sorry that you can relate. It's not a great club to be in. FD isn't either, but it feels like we're having to do it on Extra Hard Mode.

I really think most people just don't get it because like you said, most cats fall in line with it. Unfortunately Ivy and Xander are the outliers.

I think I find extra frustrating because I've always felt the same way about myself, my entire life. I'm chronically ill with several different diagnoses on top of complex PTSD and being neurodivergent. I've always been the one that can't really operate the way "normal" people do, with limitations and always some reason that the typical advice doesn't apply. I don't say this to sound negative, but I've spent my whole life wishing I could just be "normal" and literally anything that's easy for most people could be easy for me too. I just happened to adopt a kitty who's exactly the same way. Maybe that's why we were drawn to each other, who knows.

I’m sorry It’s so difficult, but I totally understand what you’re going through and I don’t want you to feel so alone. Just know that I’m here dealing with a similar situation.
I think Ivy’s better than Xander at this point. Maybe she’s just used to it because we’ve been doing it for 2 1/2 years. But, I still can’t hear poke her all day every day.

I’m not really answering all of your questions here and I apologize for that. I just wanted to give you a little support and let you know you’re not alone and validate what you’re feeling and let you know that I understand it’s real what you’re going through. Most others just don’t understand because their cats do “get with the program”. I wish Ivy had read the manual and learned to cooperate, but she still hasn’t.
Maybe Xander will one day we can only hope!
Sending you lots of big hug hugs, I think you’re doing a really incredible job with him. He’s so lucky to have you

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support. As incredible as this forum is and despite how much better everything is now that I've found it, I really do always feel so alone because basically no one can relate to or understand what this is like for me. Of course it's hard for everyone! I'm not discounting that at all. But most everyone else can relate to each other, at least, and my situation always makes me a bit of an outsider.

I'm so often disheartened and stressed because it feels like no matter what I do, I can't seem to make things better, and every time one thing improves, another devolves. For example, the past few days he's suddenly afraid of getting lidocaine put on (which he used to like, for some reason) and tries to run from injections. For a while that had finally become the easy part and now for some unknown reason we're back to even THAT being difficult.

Especially being that you're someone with so much more experience taking care of a similarly difficult kitty, your saying that I'm doing a good job and that I'm not just a complete failure at this means a lot. Thank you, Staci, so much for writing this out for me. I really needed to read it!!

 

[Brianna & Xander]

Ahh, sorry Brianna, that’s got to be stressful for you and knowing this community is big on manual testing too... But there’s got to be a plan to be had for people in your position. My gut feeling is to follow TR the best and safest way you can with the numbers you have. Even if you’re not perfect in your dosing, you can always go back up, and he is still getting great care.

Yeah, I've never had anyone be rude to me at all, but I know that we Libre-only users are generally looked down on in FD circles in general. From what I've heard it's really bad on FB in particular, so I'm glad I'm not there. I'm just doing the best I can with what I have. I wish people in general understood that I'm not just lazy or not trying hard enough or whatever... I desperately wish I could just test the way everyone else does. I wouldn't have chosen this. It only makes everything harder.

I appreciate your input! Thank you! It really helps me just to see some other opinions so I don't feel like I'm stuck making this decision completely blind.

 

[Brianna & Xander]

I've also in those situations or when errors occur that later the graph tends to adjust/correct those as you said. I still don't know exactly what is and isn't accurate but so far I tend to ignore the straight lines down and pay more attention to when it goes in a wave like pattern. Sorry don't really have any answers about dosing and I get how frustrating the libre is as the only source (I'm still working on building up trust slowly).
Edit-Sorry, didn't see you mention pressure errors but someone else brought it up.

That's okay! I still really appreciate you taking the time to respond and commiserate with me. It makes me feel less alone and discouraged.

Paying attention to the overall cycle trends is absolutely important and informative! I just wish I could smooth them out a little so they're not such intense dives like this. Seems like we can never find a dose that gives greens without also giving limes.

It's a tough spot youre in. I've been anxious about when I get to those lower numbers if I havn't gotten Mochi used to the blood tests. It's unique, she is most laid back calm cat, but I think because she trusts me so much, she resists when I do things she doesnt like but when shes at the vet and nervous, she will just lay there and let them do whatever they want. You know your cat better than anyone and I think you're making a good decision based on what info you have available.

I know what you mean because Xander's similar! He's not laidback at all, he's incredibly sensitive. But with me he's more likely to resist, whereas at the vet he turns into a limp noodle and basically goes on strike, so they can do what they want more easily.

Thank you for the support!! It's hard not to feel like I'm just terrible at this, but all I can do is my best and that's what I'm doing.

 

[David & Mochi]

Oh, Staci, I can't tell you how much your response means to me. Literal tears. I often really do feel all alone in this, being someone with a situation most can't fully understand or relate to.

I do at least try to test if he goes under 50, it just never gets us anywhere but more stressed and now a harder few days of giving injections because he doesn't trust me. All to not have gotten an answer anyway. Like what's the point?

I have definitely considered "soaking" the new one, as I've seen it described. The only problem with that is that the process of replacing it in general is stressful and traumatic for him so we try to do all the unpleasant things at once so he's done for 2 weeks. I don't really want to have to take off his bandage, trap him to take the old one off and replace the bandage the next day, if that makes sense.



I'm so sorry that you can relate. It's not a great club to be in. FD isn't either, but it feels like we're having to do it on Extra Hard Mode.

I really think most people just don't get it because like you said, most cats fall in line with it. Unfortunately Ivy and Xander are the outliers.

I think I find extra frustrating because I've always felt the same way about myself, my entire life. I'm chronically ill with several different diagnoses on top of complex PTSD and being neurodivergent. I've always been the one that can't really operate the way "normal" people do, with limitations and always some reason that the typical advice doesn't apply. I don't say this to sound negative, but I've spent my whole life wishing I could just be "normal" and literally anything that's easy for most people could be easy for me too. I just happened to adopt a kitty who's exactly the same way. Maybe that's why we were drawn to each other, who knows.



I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support. As incredible as this forum is and despite how much better everything is now that I've found it, I really do always feel so alone because basically no one can relate to or understand what this is like for me. Of course it's hard for everyone! I'm not discounting that at all. But most everyone else can relate to each other, at least, and my situation always makes me a bit of an outsider.

I'm so often disheartened and stressed because it feels like no matter what I do, I can't seem to make things better, and every time one thing improves, another devolves. For example, the past few days he's suddenly afraid of getting lidocaine put on (which he used to like, for some reason) and tries to run from injections. For a while that had finally become the easy part and now for some unknown reason we're back to even THAT being difficult.

Especially being that you're someone with so much more experience taking care of a similarly difficult kitty, your saying that I'm doing a good job and that I'm not just a complete failure at this means a lot. Thank you, Staci, so much for writing this out for me. I really needed to read it!!

I can't relate to the cat struggle so much but I can def relate to the personal struggle. Idk what specific stuff you deal with and it's not my business but my whole family, self included has struggles with forms of depression, anxiety, ptsd and on and on. I would try to get the concept of "normal" out of thought. It's such a manipulative term to get people to compare themselves to others and feel inadequate. All of the things you described are what make you, you and a unique person. It may be hard at times I know, but to me "normal" means lacking any kind of true identity. Celebrate who you are and take pride in knowing that anything you accomplish you had to work for/earn.

 

[Brianna & Xander]

I can't relate the the cat struggle so much but I can def relate to the personal struggle. I would try to get the concept of "normal" out of thought. It's such a manipulative term to get people to compare themselves to others and feel inadequate. All of the things you described are what make you, you and a unique person. It may be hard at times I know, but to me "normal" means lacking any kind of true identity. Celebrate who you are and take pride in knowing that anything you accomplish you had to work for/earn.

I'm so sorry that you can relate to the other part! That's not any easier. I guess I meant "normal" in the way of being able to function at the same capacity as others, because I feel like general life is always being played on Hard Mode too and for the most part if people can't relate by experience they just don't get it. So while struggling more than the average person just to do the simplest things, it's a constant battle just to justify the differences in how we have to exist. I hope that makes sense.

My therapist is always telling me to stop using the word "normal" too, that I'm the way I am which means I AM normal. lol So you're on the right track!

Thank you so much for this!! Such kind words that I really need to hear and appreciate more than I can say.

 

[David & Mochi]

I'm so sorry that you can relate to the other part! That's not any easier. I guess I meant "normal" in the way of being able to function at the same capacity as others, because I feel like general life is always being played on Hard Mode too and for the most part if people can't relate by experience they just don't get it. So while struggling more than the average person just to do the simplest things, it's a constant battle just to justify the differences in how we have to exist. I hope that makes sense.

My therapist is always telling me to stop using the word "normal" too, that I'm the way I am which means I AM normal. lol So you're on the right track!

Thank you so much for this!! Such kind words that I really need to hear and appreciate more than I can say.

It definitely makes sense. But even the metric of functioning at the same capacity. My oldest sister was always the one in our family achieving, accomplishing being successful etc but it came at a cost. She never took a break, a breath etc etc and it finally caught up to her. I won't go into details what that looks like but it's not good and she is really struggling to find herself again. I lost a friend almost two years ago to cancer just after he turned 37 and I've really tried to make some shifts in my mental thinking/life as a result. No matter how much you do or don't do, it's what you were capable of doing at that given moment and that's ok.

Edit-and the last thing ill add to not detract from the op too much (although I think it's just as important to support the cg as it is the cat) is just because someone seems like they are accomplishing a lot or more easily, doesn't mean they are happy/healthy. I tend to exhibit avoidance in the form of escapism with long periods of downtime/doing nothing whereas my sister took the opposite side of it by always doing something/getting something done.

 

[Helen + Noogi]

Sending you a big hug Brianna
I'm sorry this is so extra-complicated for you. It seems very unfair that you get Extra Hard Mode
You are such a good cat-momma to Xander - you know him best. Trust your instincts. As he is a uniquely sensitive boy you will need to find a unique way of managing best in your particular circumstances. I hope you can get to do that without constantly doubting yourself

 

[Staci & Ivy]

Oh, Staci, I can't tell you how much your response means to me. Literal tears. I often really do feel all alone in this, being someone with a situation most can't fully understand or relate to.

I do at least try to test if he goes under 50, it just never gets us anywhere but more stressed and now a harder few days of giving injections because he doesn't trust me. All to not have gotten an answer anyway. Like what's the point?

I have definitely considered "soaking" the new one, as I've seen it described. The only problem with that is that the process of replacing it in general is stressful and traumatic for him so we try to do all the unpleasant things at once so he's done for 2 weeks. I don't really want to have to take off his bandage, trap him to take the old one off and replace the bandage the next day, if that makes sense.



I'm so sorry that you can relate. It's not a great club to be in. FD isn't either, but it feels like we're having to do it on Extra Hard Mode.

I really think most people just don't get it because like you said, most cats fall in line with it. Unfortunately Ivy and Xander are the outliers.

I think I find extra frustrating because I've always felt the same way about myself, my entire life. I'm chronically ill with several different diagnoses on top of complex PTSD and being neurodivergent. I've always been the one that can't really operate the way "normal" people do, with limitations and always some reason that the typical advice doesn't apply. I don't say this to sound negative, but I've spent my whole life wishing I could just be "normal" and literally anything that's easy for most people could be easy for me too. I just happened to adopt a kitty who's exactly the same way. Maybe that's why we were drawn to each other, who knows.



I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support. As incredible as this forum is and despite how much better everything is now that I've found it, I really do always feel so alone because basically no one can relate to or understand what this is like for me. Of course it's hard for everyone! I'm not discounting that at all. But most everyone else can relate to each other, at least, and my situation always makes me a bit of an outsider.

I'm so often disheartened and stressed because it feels like no matter what I do, I can't seem to make things better, and every time one thing improves, another devolves. For example, the past few days he's suddenly afraid of getting lidocaine put on (which he used to like, for some reason) and tries to run from injections. For a while that had finally become the easy part and now for some unknown reason we're back to even THAT being difficult.

Especially being that you're someone with so much more experience taking care of a similarly difficult kitty, your saying that I'm doing a good job and that I'm not just a complete failure at this means a lot. Thank you, Staci, so much for writing this out for me. I really needed to read it!!

Now you’re making me cry, Brianna
I’m so very sorry you are also in this “extra difficult” club.

I do understand your feelings of watching so many other kitties and their caregivers seemingly easily falling into a not so terrible routine and managing FD somewhat easily.

I guess we just have extra special kitties that take extra special caregivers. I’m sure there’s a reason why our cats ended up with us.
I know they “say” God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I’m not sure if I believe that or not, but I do think somehow deep inside there is a reason we have the kitties we have, because somehow we do have the resources inside of ourselves to do the best we can.

Believe me, I do know how much of a test this feels like on a daily basis.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken down and cried, you know that deep, guttural and ugly cry
And it’s hard to keep going day after day, but we just have to dig deep, breathe and be thankful for these sweet kitties we are blessed to have

I know in my heart that no one else would do for Ivy what I do and I’m sure that’s the same with you and Xander

This isn’t my first rodeo of a difficult cat. In a former life with a former husband, I had a cat who had all kinds of anxiety issues and peed all over our house. I can’t tell you how many carpets we ripped out replaced, ripped up hardwood flooring, replaced that and my ex wanted me to get rid of the cat.

There was no way I could do that because I knew that no one else would tolerate his behavior (I’m sure he couldn’t help what he went through, and we tried everything medication, animal communicators vets testing, lab work). He still peed
Eventually, I get rid of the husband and kept the cat

So all that to say, when I got Ivy and she was very young and I saw she was very “difficult” being handled by a vet, I knew I would be in trouble if she encountered any difficult need of handling down the road.
Well, here we are and yes, it’s very difficult to manage her because of who she is and how she behaves. I’m sure she can’t help herself. It’s just how she’s wired and it’s always been that way

So, we have to make the best of what we have within ourselves and with our cats and just do the best we can every day. And I know you are doing that
Just take it one day at a time, try to get as much rest as you can and try to be as calm as you can with Xander.
I am sure that they feed off of our anxiety and our worry.

Of course, I need to take my own advice

Sending you more hugs and support and I’m here to listen whenever you need an ear

 

[Brianna & Xander]

It definitely makes sense. But even the metric of functioning at the same capacity. My oldest sister was always the one in our family achieving, accomplishing being successful etc but it came at a cost. She never took a break, a breath etc etc and it finally caught up to her. I won't go into details what that looks like but it's not good and she is really struggling to find herself again. I lost a friend almost two years ago to cancer just after he turned 37 and I've really tried to make some shifts in my mental thinking/life as a result. No matter how much you do or don't do, it's what you were capable of doing at that given moment and that's ok.

Edit-and the last thing ill add to not detract from the op too much (although I think it's just as important to support the cg as it is the cat) is just because someone seems like they are accomplishing a lot or more easily, doesn't mean they are happy/healthy. I tend to exhibit avoidance in the form of escapism with long periods of downtime/doing nothing whereas my sister took the opposite side of it by always doing something/getting something done.

That's awful! I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and the loss of your friend!

I definitely now that it's important to take care of ourselves and give ourselves grace too (and I'm always telling other people that!), I just don't tend to take my own advice. And it's a great reminder that not everything is always as it appears on the outside/what gets presented to other people!

 

[Brianna & Xander]

Sending you a big hug Brianna
I'm sorry this is so extra-complicated for you. It seems very unfair that you get Extra Hard Mode
You are such a good cat-momma to Xander - you know him best. Trust your instincts. As he is a uniquely sensitive boy you will need to find a unique way of managing best in your particular circumstances. I hope you can get to do that without constantly doubting yourself

Thank you, Helen. I appreciate you!

 

[Brianna & Xander]

Now you’re making me cry, Brianna
I’m so very sorry you are also in this “extra difficult” club.

I do understand your feelings of watching so many other kitties and their caregivers seemingly easily falling into a not so terrible routine and managing FD somewhat easily.

I guess we just have extra special kitties that take extra special caregivers. I’m sure there’s a reason why our cats ended up with us.
I know they “say” God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I’m not sure if I believe that or not, but I do think somehow deep inside there is a reason we have the kitties we have, because somehow we do have the resources inside of ourselves to do the best we can.

It's a really crappy club to be in, but at the very least I'm so grateful that I get to be with this sweet boy and take care of him. It may be hard, but he truly is my best friend and my "soul cat."

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken down and cried, you know that deep, guttural and ugly cry
And it’s hard to keep going day after day, but we just have to dig deep, breathe and be thankful for these sweet kitties we are blessed to have I know in my heart that no one else would do for Ivy what I do and I’m sure that’s the same with you and Xander

This is embarrassingly me on a near daily basis. All tears all the time. lol

This isn’t my first rodeo of a difficult cat. In a former life with a former husband, I had a cat who had all kinds of anxiety issues and peed all over our house. I can’t tell you how many carpets we ripped out replaced, ripped up hardwood flooring, replaced that and my ex wanted me to get rid of the cat.

There was no way I could do that because I knew that no one else would tolerate his behavior (I’m sure he couldn’t help what he went through, and we tried everything medication, animal communicators vets testing, lab work). He still peed
Eventually, I get rid of the husband and kept the cat

That's so hard!! It puts so much strain on a relationship when there's such a big, glaring issue like that (especially when one party doesn't see the value in continuing to try to make it better/work). I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you came out the other side with the kitty!

So all that to say, when I got Ivy and she was very young and I saw she was very “difficult” being handled by a vet, I knew I would be in trouble if she encountered any difficult need of handling down the road.
Well, here we are and yes, it’s very difficult to manage her because of who she is and how she behaves. I’m sure she can’t help herself. It’s just how she’s wired and it’s always been that way

So, we have to make the best of what we have within ourselves and with our cats and just do the best we can every day. And I know you are doing that
Just take it one day at a time, try to get as much rest as you can and try to be as calm as you can with Xander.
I am sure that they feed off of our anxiety and our worry.

Of course, I need to take my own advice

I give that advice to others (even in other situations) and don't follow it either, so I get it! For some reason we hold ourselves to higher standards than we hold others to, I guess.

Sending you more hugs and support and I’m here to listen whenever you need an ear

Thank you again, Staci, more than I can say. Things are really rough right now and I appreciate the support so much!

 

[Staci & Ivy]

It's a really crappy club to be in, but at the very least I'm so grateful that I get to be with this sweet boy and take care of him. It may be hard, but he truly is my best friend and my "soul cat."



This is embarrassingly me on a near daily basis. All tears all the time. lol



That's so hard!! It puts so much strain on a relationship when there's such a big, glaring issue like that (especially when one party doesn't see the value in continuing to try to make it better/work). I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you came out the other side with the kitty!



I give that advice to others (even in other situations) and don't follow it either, so I get it! For some reason we hold ourselves to higher standards than we hold others to, I guess.



Thank you again, Staci, more than I can say. Things are really rough right now and I appreciate the support so much!