BigMac's Last day

Discussion in 'Lantus / Levemir / Biosimilars' started by CD and BigMac, Apr 12, 2012.

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  1. CD and BigMac

    CD and BigMac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    What happened...

    Thank you everyone. Your kind words do help. The grief comes over me like huge waves.. then I can pull myself together for a while... until the next wave. So many of you know exactly what I mean and my heart goes out to you as well. Grieving with me causes you a lot of pain too. I know this and I thank you for doing it anyway.

    My BigMac tried so hard to make it. He was always so healthy except for his diabetes which was easily treated and remission easily found.

    For the last few days I was worried that he was not going to make it. I stayed with him longer and longer at each visit and each visit I'd tell the techs, I don't want him to die in this metal cage, please tell me if I should take him home. Last night I sat with him for an hour as he rested in my arms. I cried quietly and the tech was wondering why. I told her again I was worried. She got the doctor who told me that BigMac was this way because of the buprenorphine they had given him earlier. I wasn't convinced and didn't say much. They called the Internal Medicine doc (this was 10 pm) and he said to discontinue the bupe for the next day.

    I begged them to tell me if this was hopeless because I did NOT want him to die in that cage. I want him home. Everyone said he was doing better. I don't know if they believed that or not but they had removed his e-collar. While it was good that he could put is head on me directly... it seemed to me to be an ominous sign.

    Today I came in and he had been cleaned up and bandages changed. He looked so exhausted. They had to sedate him to change some of the lines and the doctor said that was why he was so tired. I had arrived while he was still groggy from the sedation (they said.) Again I asked that they tell me if we should stop so he could be with me at home. (I asked that question about 6 times.) But the doctor seemed to think he could recover and he started talking about feeding and what kinds of food, how much etc.

    BigMac and I stayed in that cage for another hour after that and he rested his head on my hip and I laid my hand on his back. I was with him from about noon to 3 pm. I came home and had picked up the phone to call my regular vet to ask her to call the hospital and ask the IM doctors if they really thought there was any hope. I was scared that they were not being honest with me.

    With my hand on the phone, my cell phone rang. It was the hospital and the doctor said "something is going on with BigMac." I said I'd be right there. I was there within 10 minutes.

    I was hurried into the ICU and he was on the treatment table with the doctor and techs surrounding him. He was unconscious. The doctor told me he was non-responsive and his third eyelid was all the way up.

    When he heard me come into the room and say his name, he rose up and looked at me and meowed softly. BigMac gave me his last gift of love. We were able to be together for a little while and he responded to my arms holding him and my voice for several beautiful minutes. cat_pet_icon

    But he was in pain and starting to moan. The doctors said he was septic and there was no hope.

    I am devastated.
     
  2. Anne & Zener GA

    Anne & Zener GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2011
    (((((CD)))))
    Liz, Anne, Zener and Tillie
     
  3. thebigfuzz

    thebigfuzz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2012
    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    No words...

    I'm so glad you got to see him one more time...

    Tanya
     
  4. DD & Tinkerbell

    DD & Tinkerbell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Carolyn, honey, we are all devastated...

    I am so glad BigMac had those last moments w/you by his side & he knew you were there.

    Desi
     
  5. Tena and Curry(GA)

    Tena and Curry(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2010
    Oh Carolyn......I just want to give you a big ole hug. I was praying our BigMac....and for you.

    He was so lucky to have such a caring and selfless bean.....you were the best and did everything you could for him. He was waiting for you at the end because you were such a comfort to him. You helped him thru thick and thin and in the end you were able help him cross the Rainbow Bridge.

    We are all here for you. Whenever you need us...we are here.


    ((((((Carolyn))))))) (((((((BigMac))))))
     
  6. Michelle and Mannie (GA)

    Michelle and Mannie (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    We are devastated with you.

    I am ever so grateful that you were his parting image, the voice he heard, the touch he felt, the scent he knew so well, the love he always knew. There is a bond there that will never be forgotten, by either of you. He will be with you always - in your heart, your soul, your mind's eye.

    I will hold all of you close to my heart.
     
  7. Randi & Max (GA)

    Randi & Max (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((((((Carolyn)))))
     
  8. Rocket & his Mom

    Rocket & his Mom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    today heaven gained two angels...BigMac and my grandma.....

    i'm so sorry Carolyn.....you two had a special bond...he knew...he waited....

    at a loss for words.....
     
  9. Linda and Bear Man

    Linda and Bear Man Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((Carolyn)))

    I am so thankful that at the end he knew you and that you were able to tell each other what you needed to. I know he left surrounded by the warmth and certain knowledge of your love, seeing and hearing the face and voice he loved the most.

    There is no happy way to part with your beloved friend. You and he tried, you gave it everything, and you fought til you could fight no more. There is great bravery in that.

    I pray that he sends you a sign that he is looking down upon you. I pray that you can find peace in the days ahead. I wish that I could take some of your pain. I know that I have shed many tears, ones that I am honored to shed for the legendary BigMac. You are a friend to all of us here. You did right by him, even knowing as you did that he was growing tired. You did right by your boy.

    I pray for quietness in your heart and gentle memories.
     
  10. mybuddybinks

    mybuddybinks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2010
    The bond you shared was so sacred that BigMac waited for you to be with him.

    There is no greater love, Carolyn.

    I know you can feel the outpouring of love from the multitude of hearts touched by you & your wonderful boy...
    may it bring you some measure of comfort in days to come.

    There is an incomparable new star shining in the heavens tonight, and an ineffable sorrow shadowing the earth below.

    Celi, Binks, Smudge, and Annie

    [​IMG]
     
  11. MJ+Donovan

    MJ+Donovan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    I am speechless and full of tears. BigMac, you sweet beautiful soul... Donovan felt a special kinship with you, and he will be so happy to greet you at the Bridge. And Butthead will drive you anywhere you want to visit. But make sure you visit your wonderful Mom first. She needs to know you're happy and healthy now.

    love always,
    MJ & Donovan's and Butthead's spirits... :cry:
    [​IMG]
     
  12. Daphne#5 GA

    Daphne#5 GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2011
    Oh, Carolyn, you and I wrote about how important it was to be there in the end, and you know my story. I am so devastated with the news, but also, so very relieved to hear you made it in time to be with BigMac in the end. I am so thankful that you did whatever it took to be with him, and you will be comforted with that for the rest of your life. I'm just so thankful you went and knew what to do. BigMac will truly be with you forever in your heart and in your soul. I'm not sure if you saw the post yesterday at 1:30AM, I wrote to you and BigMac. I was awake and could not sleep, so I went on the computer and felt an overwhelming need to be close to him. So I wrote on the post before I went to bed. I guess now I know what that was.

    I had a lot of tears when I read the post from Marje, but I feel so much better that you were there at the end. In BigMac's mind, I'm sure all he felt was mommy is with me, and its time to sleep, just like any other day.

    I'm sending you healing vines, and lots of hugs to get through this hard thing you will have to do, to let go, a little, so BigMac can go and play with all the other kitties that have gone before him.

    So so sorry for your loss. :YMHUG:
     
  13. Lisa and Do Lou (GA)

    Lisa and Do Lou (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    ((((((((((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))
     
  14. Ann & Tess GA

    Ann & Tess GA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2010
    (((((((((((((((Carolyn))))))))) I just came to check ing= and saw this. My heart breaks for you. I am so glad you made it back to be with him in the end. You and BigMac tried so hard, but it was time.

    Fly Free, BigMac! You are free of all the pain and tube and the cage. Watch over Carolyn from the Bridge as she watched over you these last weeks.
     
  15. Marje and Gracie

    Marje and Gracie Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    May 30, 2010
    ((((Carolyn))))) Thank you for sharing this with us.....knowing that only this group could understand. The bond you and BigMac share.....it is eternal. He wanted you to know it was ok to let go.

    We cry....our babies cry with you. All of Lantus Land feels this profound loss.

    [​IMG]
     
  16. arozeboom

    arozeboom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    I can't express how sorry I am for your loss.

    Amy & Ruby
     
  17. Sienne and Gabby (GA)

    Sienne and Gabby (GA) Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))

    You're right -- I am sharing your grief. I am thankful that you could be with your boy and despite, his pain and illness, he knew you were there with him and would give him the final, most difficult gift so he could be at peace. It had to have been an incredibly difficult decision for you. We all have been hoping along with you that BigMac would rally.

    Right now, I know how much your heart is hurting. With time, you will smile at all of the wonderful memories. BigMac will never be truly gone. He will be in your heart until you are reunited. Until that time, like Linda, I hope BigMac sends you a sign that he is watching over you.

    A while ago, WCF shared the fable of The Loving Ones with me. It is bittersweet but ultimately, I found it comforting. I hope you will gain some solace from it, as well.
     
  18. Libby and Lucy

    Libby and Lucy Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    oh wow. He waited for you to get there and woke up for you. That's just amazing. ((((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))))
     
  19. Jill & Alex (GA)

    Jill & Alex (GA) Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((((((((((((( Carolyn )))))))))))))))
    I'm so glad you were able to be with him...
     
  20. Ella & Rusty & Stu(GA)

    Ella & Rusty & Stu(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2010
    ((((((Carolyn))))))
    You were there in time. BigMac waited for you to return. He wanted to tell you that it was OK. He loves you so much and he will watch over you until you meet again. May your wonderful memories of your brave, handsome boy comfort you now.
    Love is eternal.

    In deepest sympathy,

    Ella & Edward, Rusty, and Stu
     
  21. Melissa and Bailey

    Melissa and Bailey Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2011
    Oh, Carolyn. :cry: I just checked in from work to see how your boy was doing. When I saw the candle I felt like I'd been punched in the gut - I really thought he was getting better. I am so, so sorry for your loss and for what you must be going through now. All of Lantus Land is grieving with you tonight. :YMHUG:

    BigMac, you are a very special boy and you are very loved. Fly free and land softly. wings_cat
     
  22. Lydia & Sid & Jake(GA)

    Lydia & Sid & Jake(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2010
    Oh ((((((Carolyn))))) my heart is broken for you. I was hoping so hard for his recovery.
     
  23. julie & punkin (ga)

    julie & punkin (ga) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    he waited for you carolyn . . . your voice woke him up so he could say farewell. what a gift. you two shared something very special - it was always evident when you spoke of him. a love like that is a rare thing to be treasured.

    some kitties are bigger than life, and Big Mac, our favorite little cheeseburger, was one of them.

    we're sure gonna miss him. surrounding you in love, hon.
     
  24. Roni and Moonie

    Roni and Moonie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((((((((((((CAROLYN))))))))))))))) I am absolutely Lost For Words..I am Hurting so so so for you....
    Together we stand, in sadness & pain, with tears or happiness,we are here for you,no matter what!
    I know the pain is breathtaking...But you were with him at the end And That means so so much...
    All LL is grieving with you, our hearts are so heavy...Love you Kiddo!
     
  25. Frip&Grip

    Frip&Grip Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2010
    (((Carolyn))) So many of us know exactly what you are going through and we are here to support you... :YMHUG:
    So glad you were there in time to hold him... cat_pet_icon
    Take care..
     
  26. Emmy & Dude

    Emmy & Dude Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((Carolyn)) my friend - you have been so heavy on my mind and in my heart since I saw that our beautiful boy had left and my biggest concern was that you did not get back there to be with him. What a blessing that he waited until you got there and gave you that last look of love - that is so important. I knew how you felt about him being in the cage and am so glad you got there to be with him.

    We are all devastated with you. It seemed he had overcome the obstacles and was doing well - he fought so hard as did you - but his little body just couldn't do it.

    We know he's out of pain - but we're left with real pain here. Each of us who have come to know him through you and your posts and the love you shared feel the pain with you - many tears are flowing tonight for your handsome boy and for you. Deep sorrow that he couldn't stay.

    However, a HUGE part of him will NEVER leave this board - because he and you have become such a huge part of it and of our lives. He became a legend - one of the unforgettable ones on the board - and will remain in our hearts forever.

    I'm sending many comforting prayers and hugs your way - Bob sends a big hug also - we loved him too - through you.

    Please know that you will remain in my thoughts and heart even though I don't try to call - we grieve with you - and if I can do anything at all, please call me - if only to talk.

    Love you,

    Emmy & Dude (& Mittsi and Bob too)
     
  27. MJ+Donovan

    MJ+Donovan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    “When he shall die,
    Take him and cut him out in little stars,
    And he will make the face of heaven so fine
    That all the world will be in love with night
    And pay no worship to the garish sun.”

    [​IMG]
     
  28. lynda and scruffy (GA)

    lynda and scruffy (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Oh, Carolyn.

    You were such a comfort to me when Scruffy left, and I would so much like to be able to say something magic that would make all this unbearable pain and sadness go away - and bring you back your sweet boy, whole and happy. Only all these tears are flowing again.....

    May you will find peace in the knowledge that you and BigMac had such a special bond, one that cannot be broken. And that he knew - he KNEW - at the end that you were there for him once more, and for always. And I hope that, sometime soon, you will feel his head once more resting in your hand, just to let you know that he's still here.

    There aren't enough words to tell you how terribly sorry and sad I am for you. I guess now we just have to wait for them to tell us messages "from across the stars......"
     
  29. Noreen&DC&Frisky

    Noreen&DC&Frisky Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2010
    I am so sorry for you loss.
    I know your heart is breaking right now.
    You were always there for him and were able to be there for him at the very end.
    That is a true gift.

    Fly free sweet angel.
     
  30. Donna & Shiloh (GA)

    Donna & Shiloh (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Oh no, not BigMac!! My heart is crying reading this. He waited for you to send him off. That is a true bond. He is in no more pain, Carolyn. Just as my Shiloh, he is now free. ((CD)) Donna
     
  31. Tonya and Tiki

    Tonya and Tiki Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2011
    Oh how I sobbed reading this post. The beauty and love between you at the end, such a gift and yet so bittersweet at the same time. We all share your grief as we all know that unbreakable bond we have with our little furbabies. We take them into our hearts, regardless of the knowledge that that inevitable day will come when we have to say goodbye. Take comfort in the joy and love you shared and while he may be physically gone, that love will never die.

    Lean on us as well all share your sorrow.
     
  32. MelanieAndRacci

    MelanieAndRacci Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2010
    Carolyn,

    I'm at a loss for words. You've just been so brave throughout this whole nightmare. Between BigMac's surgery and your granddaughter's complications, and now losing BigMac! Life is so unfair sometimes. You did everything you could to keep him here and well. It just wasn't to be. Thank goodness he held on to say goodbye to you and share that special love one more time. I'm just so sorry you lost him and am crying with you. We all loved him through your eyes and your stories.

    I hope your granddaughter is doing well.

    Please take care of yourself and get some rest and dream of all the good times you and BigMac had together. It's time to give yourself a break.

    Melanie & Racci
     
  33. Ann & Maggie11 (GA)

    Ann & Maggie11 (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2010
    (((Carolyn))) Thank you for sharing those precious last minutes with BigMac with us. He waited for you. My heart goes out to you. We are all so heartbroken. Hugs and prayers.
     
  34. Amy&TrixieCat

    Amy&TrixieCat Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2011
    Carolyn,

    You and BigMac have touched all of our hearts and souls here. His spirit lives on with all of us, but most of all he will always be with you. LL is grieving today, but is also celebrating BigMac's amazing and inspirational life. My deepest sympathy to you...

    Amy
     
  35. Pat+Raja+Shadow (GA)

    Pat+Raja+Shadow (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    {{{{{Carolyn}}}}}
    Thank You, Thank You for writing that post to us...I know it was so difficult....but sharing with us the circumstances of his last day has helped the goodbyes to BigMac a little easier....knowing that you were with him......knowing that you two were together!! It is a consolation that you were there and that he was able to be awake enough to respond so beautifully to you.
    It is still so very hard for us all....and for you dear friend....to bear this grief...
    I so admire you and all you have done for him Carolyn....your strength and love meant so very much to him....
    he will be close to you always....
    Farewell and fly free Dear BigMac...until we meet again...
     
  36. Ronnie & Luna

    Ronnie & Luna Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    he waited for you Carolyn...
    (I wish we could go back a day too :sad: )

    last nite, I told Luna his burger buddy, Big Mac,
    the kitty who helped with his video, passed away, and I hugged him close to me.

    we are holding you close in our hearts
    (((((hugs)))))
     
  37. Harley and Pattie

    Harley and Pattie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2010
    (((Carolyn))) there are no words that I can say to make this better, I wish there were. All I can do is cry with you. I am so very sorry that BigMac has passed. My prayers are with you.

    Pattie
     
  38. Vyktors Mum

    Vyktors Mum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2011
    Such a special end to a very special life. What an amazing bond you shared, he saved his last ounce of energy and waited for you to return to him so you could be together at the end and share one final love - he won't leave your side again.

    Words cannot express my sorrow and yet I know that what I'm feeling is nothing compared to the grief you will be experiencing. I wish I could take some of your pain from you, but I wish more that I could bring him back, healthy and pain free.

    I will never forget your BigMac with his beautiful big eyes so full of love for you as seen through your camera. You both fought so hard and it just seems so unfair that it wasn't enough.

    I'm so sorry ((((Carolyn))))
     
  39. squeem3

    squeem3 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((Carolyn)) I'm glad that Big Mac was able to wait for you to arrive. I wish I was there with my Squishy when he passed but at least Dr. P was with him and on the phone with me when Squishy took his trip to the Bridge :cry:

    ((Big hugs))
     
  40. Monica and Atticus (GA)

    Monica and Atticus (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    How amazing that you two had that moment together! A true testament to the love you both share.
    Thank you, Carolyn, for sharing BigMac's life with us. We are all heartbroken. All our kitties have a guardian angel now. I hope that you can feel our energy lifting you up in the days ahead.
     
  41. PeterDevonMocha

    PeterDevonMocha Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    *tears* Oh Carolyn .. I'm so sorry .. It isn't fair .. after all you two have been through, how hard you both fought .. It breaks my heart and I grieve with you ..
     
  42. Georgia and Simon (GA)

    Georgia and Simon (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2010
    ((((Carolyn)))), I am so heartbroken for you and know how hard it is to even be able to talk about your feelings right now. Sometimes, we just want to shut down and build up a wall so it won't hurt as much. We in LL are here for you and know and feel your pain. I was so worried that you were not able to see BigMac before he passed. What a special gift he gave you...despite being so sick, he was able to call to you one last time and spend a moment together. That one gift shows the incredible bond you two had.
     
  43. Angela & Blackie & 3 Others

    Angela & Blackie & 3 Others Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2010
    {{{{{{{{{CAROLYN}}}}}}}}}}
     
  44. Amy and Pedro

    Amy and Pedro Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Oh Carolyn-

    My heart so hurts for you. It does not ease the loss or the empty place but know that Big Mac is with all the kitties he has ever helped and they have welcomed him into the fold. He will always be with you in your heart.
     
  45. Melissa & Tarragon

    Melissa & Tarragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    There are no words to express how very sorry I am. Big Mac was always larger than life and was a very special kitty. Please know I am thinking about you and holding you very close in my heart. ((((Carolyn))))
     
  46. april925

    april925 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    So sorry to hear this. Prayers to you.
     
  47. Miriam and Putty (GA)

    Miriam and Putty (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((((Carolyn))))))

    I cannot even express how sorry I am. Big Mac was one special guy. He put up a very good fight despite every surgery and every obstacle, but he knew when it was time to give up that fight. I am so glad that you got to see him.


    My heart breaks for you. You are in my thoughts.

    Fly free sweet boy. wings_cat
     
  48. Susie and Moochie

    Susie and Moochie Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((Carolyn))), in the midst of the horrible sadness of Big Mac's last journey I too am so glad that you had that time with him.

    It's been a horrible few months with so many of our beloved babies leaving but I'm sure they were all there to greet your boy when he got there. Yes, even my Moochmonster I bet was there to welcome your burger boy.

    I'm just so sorry for you, Carolyn, but not for Big Mac. He is whole and happy and has the best ever mama a kitty could have!
     
  49. Julie & Orange

    Julie & Orange Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2012
    I'm new here so I don't know Big Mac as well as everyone else, but I just wanted to say that your story has touched my heart. We are here to share your pain. May your heart heal and be left with the happiest memories of your sweet kitty to stay with you always.
     
  50. Dana & Thomas

    Dana & Thomas Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Fly Free Dear BigMac.
    Dana
     
  51. Jennifer & Saima (GA)

    Jennifer & Saima (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2011
    I am so sorry. There are just no words. I hope the memories of your beloved BigMac bring you some peace in the coming days.
     
  52. Amy'sWinston (GA)

    Amy'sWinston (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((((((((((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))))))))))

    The language running through my head just isn't fit to print. It's just Not fair! You and BigMac have been in my thoughts and prayers and went looking for update this moring...

    My heart breaks with yours at your loss. I'm so glad you got to be with him and that he KNEW it before he had to go. I just don't have the words to ease the rent in your heart......

    BigMac - you gorgeous hunk of a cat.... you run free and rest joyfully! Go visit your Momma soon to ease her heart. You were loved beyond measure and will be missed more than words can ever express... and you will never, ever be forgotten!
     
  53. Charlotte and Indy (GA)

    Charlotte and Indy (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((Carolyn))) How deeply they burrow into our hearts. Forever and ever.
     
  54. Jerri & Opie (GA)

    Jerri & Opie (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Carolyn I'm so terribly sorry that Big Mac had to leave. If there were words to stop your pain we would type them but of course there isn't. Just know we are holding you in our cyber arms.
     
  55. Sasha&Tara

    Sasha&Tara Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2012
    I have no words...I just wish I could give you a hug right now. I am so sorry.
     
  56. Ollie(GA) & Patsy

    Ollie(GA) & Patsy Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2011
    ((((((((((CD))))))))) I wish I could ease your pain.

    Fly free BigMac, you know you are loved.
     
  57. D and Noisy

    D and Noisy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    My dear sweet precious Carolyn. I am so sorry to learn that you lost your boy. What words can express my sadness in losing such a magnificent cat? I know your ability to love and with that ability comes the open door for severe pain and heartache. You and Big Mac are in my loving thoughts.
    Run Noisy, run, find Big Mac and send whiskers to Carolyn for her broken heart. I love you CD.
    Fly forever free Big Mac. Thou art the great cat.
     
  58. Ele & Blackie (GA)

    Ele & Blackie (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((Carolyn)))) I am so sorry for your loss, but I am also glad that you got there in time and that Big Mac knew you were there. Your bond with Big Mac is so strong, the grief and pain are going to be terrible. But that is because your love was so strong. And that bond with Big Mac will always be there. Sending prayers for peace and comfort for you. Big Mac is already at peace with our other GA's.
     
  59. carfurby

    carfurby Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2012
    I’m new to the board, but I have been following your posts on BigMac and you both have been in my thoughts and prayers. You still are.

    About 10 years ago I lost a really special cat to cancer. That night I had a dream that he was running in a grassy field. I know that was God telling me He was taking care of A.J., that he was free now and not in any pain. I know God is taking care of BigMac too. Just remember you’ll always have those happy times you had with BigMac and even though it hurts now, you’ll never regret that you loved that special cat. It is truly worth the time we have with them. BigMac will always be in your heart.
     
  60. Tena and Curry(GA)

    Tena and Curry(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2010
    just thinking about you today (((((carolyn)))))).....and looking at bigmac's photo this morning at work.....we will miss him.......((((((bigmac))))))

    [​IMG]
     
  61. HollyandSpader(GA)

    HollyandSpader(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    So sorry to hear this news.

    He sure was a special boy.
     
  62. Michelle and Doodle

    Michelle and Doodle Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((Carolyn)))) I am so incredibly sorry.
    You both fought so hard. There just aren't enough tears...
     
  63. Sherry & Zoe (GA)

    Sherry & Zoe (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    There are no words....and too many tears. ((((((Carolyn)))))
     
  64. jt and trouble (GA)

    jt and trouble (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    I feel as though I've lost one of my own. Fly free brave brave kittyfly free.
    I'm so sorry
    jeanne
     
  65. Pumbaa

    Pumbaa Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2012
    I'm very new to these boards, and didn't know you or Big Mac, but your post just made me cry, out of sadness that you lost your furry friend, but out of happiness that he held on until you could get there and you two could say your final goodbye's. My sincere condolences to you, Carolyn, on your loss. But from what you described above, I don't think Big Mac could have had a more wonderful, caring, loving mom during his life!
     
  66. Jean and Charcoal

    Jean and Charcoal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Dear Carolyn,

    Your story of your sweet furbaby was so sad, and yet so beautiful. The fact that you got back in time so he could say goodbye to you and have you there with him.

    May you always carry his spirit in your heart and know that he was a very lucky cat to have a MomBean as wonderful as you have been to him.

    Sending prayers for healing to you, and that you know your Burger Man is just a step away really, playing with all of our furbabies who have gone ahead to the bridge, where we will one day join them all.

    ((((HUGS)))),
    Jean and Charcoal (GA) wings_cat rb_icon
     
  67. Hillary & Maui (GA)

    Hillary & Maui (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    There is nothing we can say to take away your grief. Please know that in your heart you did everything you possibly could for him and you gave each other the wonderful gift of love, he waited for you and you were there to release him from pain.

    I am so sorry, please be gentle with yourself in the days and weeks and months to come.
     
  68. feathersby

    feathersby Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((((((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))))))))))))

    Words cannot express my sorrow at learning Big Mac has crossed the bridge. He waited for you to be with him. There is something very special about our bond with these gentle giants.

    He is romping with my Sparky waiting for us.

    Marialyce
     
  69. Linda & Chance (GA)

    Linda & Chance (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    I'm very sorry for your loss. I think sometimes it is hard for medical people to give up hope of trying to save a life and admit that it is time for palliative care. I know it is the same with humans. I'm glad that you were able to be with him at the end.
     
  70. Karrie and Maverick

    Karrie and Maverick Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    His lifting his head for mom broke my heart and refilled it at the same time. He held on for you so you could say goodbye. I am so terribly sorry Carolyn. If love was enough he would have pulled through. Keeping you and BigMac in my heart. Hugs and love from me and angel Maverick. He's up there with your big guy. Free.
     
  71. Rob & Harley (GA)

    Rob & Harley (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((((Carolyn))))))

    Ohhhh how sorry I am that he had to leave. He whispered to your heart that he was very tired and your heart heard him. I'm glad that he waited for you to be there to comfort each other at the end. What a sweet and loving bond.

    Fly free Big Mac wings_cat
     
  72. worldtraveller

    worldtraveller Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2011
    Carolyn,
    These are so sad and heartbreaking news. Tears are quietly falling down my cheeks ...
    All the strenght to you, take care.
    We miss BigMac wings_cat

    Mia, Kitty and Joey
     
  73. doombuggy

    doombuggy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2011
    C: I am so sorry. You have given so much and loved him more than words can say. I know he's back to 100% at the Rainbow Bridge until you meet again. :YMHUG: Putting GA next to his name on my calendar right now....
     
  74. KarenRamboConan

    KarenRamboConan Senior Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    ((((Carolyn))))

    He waited for you - he waited until he could say goodbye. You are right - it was his last gift of love, it was his way of telling you he loved you, but that he had to leave. He knew he could not go until you were there; yes, they love us *that* much!

    He truly was one of the great ones, and he will live on in many hearts forever. And you know he is in his real forever home - your heart. Close your eyes, and open your heart, and he is there. He always will be.

    While we are mourning the loss of our friend,
    others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.
    - John Taylor


    You will walk together again. Until then, please accept and find comfort in the tears and hugs and sympathy of all of us who grieve with you.

    Karen
     
  75. joyce-tuscany(GA)

    joyce-tuscany(GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Carolyn, I haven't been on LL much lately but had seen a few post regarding Big Mac's surgery's. I was so hoping that he was going to recover. I was very sad to read your post today - The heartbreak of our fur babies leaving us is so devastating. Hugs to you - fly free Big Mac.
     
  76. Trish & Harley (GA)

    Trish & Harley (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    I am so very, very sorry...
     
  77. Becky & Morlei

    Becky & Morlei Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2012
    I am so so sorry for your loss. BigMac has become a household name as every day I would read his updates out loud to my kittes and DH. We both cried last night as we read your post. BigMac was so blessed to have a Momma Bean as wonderful as you. We are sending hugs and prayers your way. wings_cat
     
  78. Gail & Houdini (GA)

    Gail & Houdini (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Oh ((((((Carolyn))))) I'm so sorry We are sharing your tears......

    Fly free you beautiful sweet boy......we will miss you so much.
     
  79. carolynandlatte

    carolynandlatte Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    (((((((Carolyn))))))))

    I have sat down to write something a dozen times already. Yet I know nothing I say will be enough to take away your pain.

    I thank you for sharing your best friend, Big Mac, with us. It is because of him we have been blessed with YOUR generous heart as well. I know it is a heart that is hurting immensely right now. Please believe there are people all over the world praying for your peace, and sending healing vines to YOU.

    May the journey to find peace in your heart be gentle.

    Listen for the chimes.....for your angel. He will never be far from your side.

    What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” - Helen Keller
     
  80. Traci and Boomer

    Traci and Boomer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    God, it's so hard to hear....I'm so sorry. You knew something wasn't right when the vets thought otherwise. I've been in that situation too. It's a sickening feeling. I'm glad the staff you worked with cared about you and BigMac and that they were good people, that helps. I'm sure they are very upset too. My thoughts are with you. You are such a kind and devoted bean. ((((CD))))
     
  81. Roni and Moonie

    Roni and Moonie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    So many Old friends have joined together here to send their Love to you Carolyn & to Honor
    Dearest Big Mac...People who havent been around in years have stopped to Grieve with you.
    You deserve all the Love we can give you,
    You had a wonderful amazing kitty & we will all miss him so so much.
    Wish I could do more--Hugs & comfrot from us!
     
  82. chriscleo

    chriscleo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    can't think of a single thing to say to make this better for you. been thru it with 3 kitties now and it is heart breaking and soul ripping. but it gets better. it just takes time.
    you both did everything you could. bigmac was a great warrior and now he is at peace.
    hugs and much love to you, my friend.
     
  83. Iorwen & Tray

    Iorwen & Tray Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2010
    I am so sorry for your loss. I know how very much you loved Big Mac and of course he knew as well. He held on to have those last moments with you. What a gift. I am so glad you both got to say goodbye and spend time together before he had to cross.
    Fly free Big Mac!
     
  84. Barb & Checkers (GA)

    Barb & Checkers (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Dearest (((Carolyn)))
    Thank you for your bravery in sharing with us. It broke my heart all over again, reading how BigMac expressed his love for you, by waiting for the sound of your voice, and your gentle touch. so he could say goodbye.
    My prayers are with you, for peace in your soul.
    If only our love could take away your pain.
    I'm so very sorry, Carolyn.
    Gentle Hugs
    Barb
     
  85. Jezebel

    Jezebel Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    [​IMG]

    Would you know my name
    If I saw you in heaven?
    Would you feel the same
    If I saw you in heaven?
    I must be strong and carry on
    'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

    Would you hold my hand
    If I saw you in heaven?
    Would you help me stand
    If I saw you in heaven?
    I'll find my way through night and day
    'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

    Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
    Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

    Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
    And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

    Would you know my name
    If I saw you in heaven?
    Would you feel the same
    If I saw you in heaven?
    I must be strong and carry on
    Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

    Jezebel, Sassy, Darcy, Breeze and I will light a candel for Big Mac!

    Debie & Crew
     
  86. Susan G and Tiger GA

    Susan G and Tiger GA Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    no words here, just tears. safe crossing, dear big mac, enjoy your angel wings and healthy body...
     
  87. mybuddybinks

    mybuddybinks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2010
    What a lovely testament to how revered the two of you are.

    Your lovely paws touched a multitude of hearts, BigMac.

    Our thoughts are with you and DH still, Carolyn.

    Celi, Binks, Smudge, and Annie

    [​IMG]
     
  88. Complick8d

    Complick8d Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    I'm at a loss for words. I'm so sorry Carolyn
     
  89. RobbiesMom

    RobbiesMom Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2010
    As a newbie here I didn't now much of Big Mac's history but in looking around at the other posts for more info and to try and get a better grip on what I was going thru I found parts of his story and was captivated by him, your relationship and all that entailed. I was so hoping he would pull thru and have been overly focused on just my own posts and their responses for a few days but jsut thought I'd check in on Big Mac and saw this - I cannot think of what to say - I am so glad you had a few final moments with him and I am sooo sorry for your lose. What a wonderful bond, what a cherished memory Big Mac will always be for you and what a huge part of your soul he now occupies.
    My deepest sympathies.
     
  90. Anyname

    Anyname Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
  91. CD and BigMac

    CD and BigMac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    I am so incredibly touched by all your kind thoughts and words. All of you here have been what has guided me through the terrible pain and sadness. Some of the darkness is lifting now. During those first hours of intense pain I was able to smile at some of the comments.
    I didn't think that I could smile in the middle of sobbing but that is exactly what I did.
    Thank you Dian for saying this: "OMG. My little hamburger. you fought so hard. I am just sick over this. what am I going to do with all these sesame seeds? "

    I am truly grateful for every word and hug, and the songs and photos of beautiful things.
    And my heart is lifted by seeing so many of the long timers come to offer their thoughts and condolences.

    What lovely family we have in FDMB. cat_pet_icon
     
  92. kse

    kse Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2011
    My heart breaks for you. I visit Lantus Land frequently and I have been following Big Mac. The two of you a great bond, you both loved each other so much-- it was very obvious.

    Fly Free Big Mac.....


    I am sorry,
    Kim
     
  93. OptOut

    OptOut Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    CD, I am so sorry to hear about BigMac's flight. I'm sure Boo gave him a head butt when he arrived. I'm thankful that you were able to be with him at the very end, but I'm so sorry about the pain you are feeling now. Hugs, my friend, and prayers for peace.
     
  94. Kathy and Kitty

    Kathy and Kitty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    CD, my heart is just breaking for you. I know Big Mac is out of pain. I know he was surrounded by your love when he left for the bridge, and it shines on him now. His last hours are not the signature of his life; his years as your beloved companion are.

    Many hugs to help you through the waves.
     
  95. sharon and sparky

    sharon and sparky Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Carolyn you are the best of the best. Your BigMac had so much love from you. He will always be loved and always be remembered. Fly Free Big Mac Land Softly. wings_cat rb_icon wings_cat rb_icon
     
  96. Julie and Eleanor (GA)

    Julie and Eleanor (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2012
    I'm so very sorry.
     
  97. Donna and Flame

    Donna and Flame Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Carolyn,
    I have not been around in quite a while, but I saw this today and just had to post. I remember you and BigMac well from Lantus Land. My heart goes out to you. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. BigMac will live on in all of our hearts and memories.

    Fly free now sweet one. You will always be loved.

    Heartfelt condolences,
    Donna and Flame
     
  98. Cheryl & Whiskers (GA)

    Cheryl & Whiskers (GA) Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2010
    Oh my gosh. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know Big Mac fought hard. I just cried and cried when I read your post about his last day. You are so right that we grieve with you. It has been over a year since we lost Witty and the tears still come easily, my heart goes out to you. fly free Big Mac.
     
  99. Sonia & Tom (GA)

    Sonia & Tom (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2010
    I am just seeing this. I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  100. Caryl & Sebastian & Alex (GA)

    Caryl & Sebastian & Alex (GA) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    I am crying as I write this too. I got so scared reading what you wrote...that you hadn't made it back in time. What if you hadn't? It would have changed everything. I too am so glad that you had time to say your "until we meet agains". That was destiny at it's very finest. No regrets.

    ((((Carolyn)))) I am so sorry. I can't even honestly say that I understand what was wrong with BigMac to cause this sudden decline but my heart has shattered into a million pieces in the past week as I virtually went through this with you. There is a silence that will never be filled. BigMac was so special and just about the most handsome boy I have ever laid eyes on. The waves will come for a while. That is the price we pay for loving deeply a creature that gives us nothing but pleasure and unconditional love from the moment it comes into our life.

    My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you. BigMac will always be inside of you, a better part of you and surrounding you. That's how real love is. As long as you remember him, and you believe...he is still here. I try to believe this, but I know that it sounds like a bunch of garbage right now. I am just starting to 'feel' my mom. (The good news is that when this happened with my last cat, Chance, that I had for 17 years...I was devastated and swore I could not go through this again. I adored him. Less than 2 months later, Chance himself picked out Alex and Jackson! True story)!

    It will get less heartbreaking but it will take time.

    Much love to you, with all of my heart,
    Caryl
     
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