What happened... Thank you everyone. Your kind words do help. The grief comes over me like huge waves.. then I can pull myself together for a while... until the next wave. So many of you know exactly what I mean and my heart goes out to you as well. Grieving with me causes you a lot of pain too. I know this and I thank you for doing it anyway. My BigMac tried so hard to make it. He was always so healthy except for his diabetes which was easily treated and remission easily found. For the last few days I was worried that he was not going to make it. I stayed with him longer and longer at each visit and each visit I'd tell the techs, I don't want him to die in this metal cage, please tell me if I should take him home. Last night I sat with him for an hour as he rested in my arms. I cried quietly and the tech was wondering why. I told her again I was worried. She got the doctor who told me that BigMac was this way because of the buprenorphine they had given him earlier. I wasn't convinced and didn't say much. They called the Internal Medicine doc (this was 10 pm) and he said to discontinue the bupe for the next day. I begged them to tell me if this was hopeless because I did NOT want him to die in that cage. I want him home. Everyone said he was doing better. I don't know if they believed that or not but they had removed his e-collar. While it was good that he could put is head on me directly... it seemed to me to be an ominous sign. Today I came in and he had been cleaned up and bandages changed. He looked so exhausted. They had to sedate him to change some of the lines and the doctor said that was why he was so tired. I had arrived while he was still groggy from the sedation (they said.) Again I asked that they tell me if we should stop so he could be with me at home. (I asked that question about 6 times.) But the doctor seemed to think he could recover and he started talking about feeding and what kinds of food, how much etc. BigMac and I stayed in that cage for another hour after that and he rested his head on my hip and I laid my hand on his back. I was with him from about noon to 3 pm. I came home and had picked up the phone to call my regular vet to ask her to call the hospital and ask the IM doctors if they really thought there was any hope. I was scared that they were not being honest with me. With my hand on the phone, my cell phone rang. It was the hospital and the doctor said "something is going on with BigMac." I said I'd be right there. I was there within 10 minutes. I was hurried into the ICU and he was on the treatment table with the doctor and techs surrounding him. He was unconscious. The doctor told me he was non-responsive and his third eyelid was all the way up. When he heard me come into the room and say his name, he rose up and looked at me and meowed softly. BigMac gave me his last gift of love. We were able to be together for a little while and he responded to my arms holding him and my voice for several beautiful minutes. cat_pet_icon But he was in pain and starting to moan. The doctors said he was septic and there was no hope. I am devastated.