first of all, how thick are your lancets? the 30 gauge ones work best for me but if even that is too fine, how bout trying something from 26 to 28 gauge first (they're thicker) to see if that helps.
point is to try to get it done with ASAP. if you're having trouble getting blood, you may want to go with the thicker lancet until the ear learns to bleed better.
second, if both you and your husband can do this, how about having your husband distract his cat's attention with a yummy treat while you do the poke. or if he's better at clipping kitty nails, have him clip a nail or two while you do the ear. my DH's cats hate nail clipping, so if i check his cats' ears while he's clipping them, it's totally no big deal to them. (it's sorta funny: they're growling and totally pissed while he's clipping them, then i swoop in with the lancet and they don't even notice. you'd think it would make things worse, but just think of a homer simpson "Doh" response. lol.)
some cats require a kitty burrito for ear tests. it involves wrapping them in a towel or cloth so they can't fight -- almost like having them in a cocoon.
if you look at the Hometesting Tips & Tricks sticky on the Diabetic Cat Health forum, you'll find a link to this.
for me, the special treat always worked to get my cat in the mood for pokies. mine all love chicken breast boiled in plain water, so i give the testee a few nice pieces of that to eat while i'm testing her. her kitty siblings are happy to provide moral support and cadge a few treats at the same time. it gets all the kitties looking forward to test time. some kitties adore Temptations. give a few of those at test time and be sure to PRAISE your cat extravagantly afterward for doing such a good job, regardless of what BG reading you get.
someone else i know's cat is totally in love with newspapers, so she puts some newspaper out for test time.
the quicker you can get the test done, the better. get all the testing supplies together first before getting the cat to test. turn off the beeper part of the meter if you can so it's not making noise right in your cat's ear. put the test strip in the meter part of the way first too. put it all the way in just before you poke the ear. i don't use a lancet pen. i just use the lancet freehand at a slight angle, poking into the ear with a cotton ball on the other side so i don't poke my finger.
when i first started i nicked the vein to get it to bleed more. it doesn't hurt the cat. just apply light pressure to his ear afterward so it doesnt bruise. another trick is to put him on the couch with you, with his body against the arm of the couch on one side and your thigh on the other so he's boxed in a bit more snugly.
really it's all in the attitude. if you're quick and confident (even if your confidence is totally fake), the cat thinks it's no big deal. if he/she feels that you are stressed out about it, it gets him/her nervous and makes testing harder. and if you fail 3 times in a row, take a break and walk away for a bit and try again later.