Thank you from Kathy and Kitty (GA)

We sent our sweet, beloved Kitty on his journey to the Rainbow Bridge a couple of weeks ago. It was so sudden. I’ve known I wanted to explain it all to you, but I haven’t had the spirit, until now.

First, DH and I want to thank you all with all our hearts. So many of you reached out to us with love, comfort and support. These first days have been awful, and we've leaned on you and every word you said. You got us through the worst of it, and we are so grateful.

So here’s what happened:

The night before this happened, I saw Kitty stomach breathing – using his whole abdomen every time he breathed. I hadn’t noticed that before, and I didn’t know what it meant except that it wasn’t right. I thought, if he isn’t better in the morning, I’ll take him in.

There was no change. I took him in at 3 pm. The vet took one look at him and said, “Let’s get an x-ray.” I said, oh, go ahead and get the bloodwork too, because he had slightly elevated BUN last time. And she said…let’s just start with the x-ray. Uh oh.

She came back 15 minutes later to tell me that he had lung cancer.

She said it had probably metastasized from elsewhere, because there were no lumps; it was full-blown throughout his lungs. She explained that it was not uncommon for lung cancer to spread quickly; she’d seen that several times before. She had shown the x-ray to her colleague, who agreed. Also – Kitty had lost three pounds since December.

She took me to the back to show me the x-rays. Kitty was being doted over by two techs. That was his sweet way. Everyone loved him.

She compared the x-rays with those taken in December. (He’d had his teeth cleaned, and we wanted to check his joints for arthritis.) The difference was stunning. Clear in December. A blizzard throughout his lungs now.

This was at 4 p.m. By chance, the radiologist was coming to the clinic, and the vet arranged for him to see Kitty’s x-rays. By 6, we had the word that he concurred with our vet’s diagnosis. Now three vets agreed.

I asked how long he had – months? Weeks? I was stunned when she said that she couldn’t guarantee that he would make it through the night. I should take it day by day.

In the next hour, it was made clear to us: You can’t make him well. He doesn’t have long. The next stage, when it comes, will be respiratory distress.

And so, we made our decision quickly. The vet, such a kind woman, had offered to come to our home, and we said yes. That evening, at dusk, on our porch – his favorite place – while he purred in my arms, he went to sleep. It was as peaceful and gentle as a goodbye can be.

Now I ask myself two questions:

1. How could I have missed this? Although the December x-rays gave evidence that it had come on quickly, obviously he’d been getting sick for a while. I’d thought he wasn’t completely right. He ate less. He moved around less. I’d planned to take him in soon, but I thought it was arthritis, or age, or hairballs. I see signs that fit now, but I didn’t put them together. I had no idea he was so sick.

2. And if he wasn’t clearly so sick, then how could we act so fast? It was just that we weren’t willing to gamble. We could have waited, and he might have been okay a little while longer. But what if he didn’t? We wanted to spare him.

Here’s what I want to think: That Kitty hid his symptoms until they couldn’t be hidden, because that’s what cats do. That he wasn’t in acute discomfort in that time, because four P’s were evident. (Hadn’t played in weeks.) And that it was the right time, that by giving him up, we saved him fear and pain.

I know some might have acted differently. I believe in my heart that this was the right path for my sweet kitty, though my heart breaks anew every day.

One last thing!

It is time to give Kitty his name. Meet the magnificent purr-cat KOSMO. When we first joined FDMB, I used an alias to ‘hide’ from a vet who hadn’t served us well. The alias stuck. But Kosmo was too fine not to be known for who he really was.

And to this wonderful website of loving people, who saved Kitty Kosmo’s life and gave us two full years of remission, and who cared for us through the pain… I thank you. DH thanks you. Kosmo thanks you.

 

Kathy you knew your kitty, your Kosmo, better than anyone. You did the right thing....as painful as it was for you. You knew best!

Thank you for sharing your story with us and revealing Kitty's real name. I love the name.

My you and your family find peace and comfort in the good memories you have of your sweet Kosmo.

Hug
Tena

 

Hi Kathy - as heartbreaking as the subject matter is, I cannot help but think what a beautiful post. I think you did so well with Kosmo. Your decision was sound, and based on concurred opinions. Our furkids are so expert at hiding illnesses from us. We are the last to know. By acting as quickly as you did you saved him from agonizing pain, fear and suffering. There is no doubt in my mind that you did the right thing. I know in my heart that Kosmo thanks you too. I think your vet is wonderful - to come to your home, and care for Kosmo's passing. It is heartwarming, and very touching. There is no where else Kosmo would have wanted to be.

Thank you for sharing your story. It was the right path. Our furkids are so adept at letting us know when it is time. He knew you knew too.

Fly free little one. I still think of you.

 

Awww. Thanks for sharing. So sorry for your loss.

 

Now I'm all weepy again.

I don't think I sent this to you. WCF sent this when Cyn's Cosmo crossed the Bridge. It is an incredibly touching fable of loss and grief -- and hope. It's called The Loving Ones -- the reasoning behind the title is obvious once you read it. I hope it eases your heart if only for a few minutes.

No decision of this magnitude is easy. It shouldn't be. Kosmo trusted you with his wellbeing and loved you for the choices you made to keep him healthy and safe. How could you not agonize over the decision to not prolong his suffering when it meant that he would no longer be in your arms? All of us want as many days as possible with those small beings who give so much to us. I think you know that you spared him from what would have been a few painful extra days more. Kosmo's spirit is with you. I hope every memory makes you smile and reinforces that he's not really gone. He lives in your heart.

 

Kathy: You made a very difficult decision out of your love for Kosmo. You didn’t have time to “second guess”. Perhaps he wanted it that way. He let you know when it was time. He stayed as long as he could and he passed where he would have wanted to. You gave him a wonderful gift.

"If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
I know how much you loved me,

As much as I loved you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart "

The tears dry on your face but continue to run in your heart for years if not forever.

 

(((((((Kathy ))))))) When I read this I was reading what happened to my Copper(civvie) Moonie's brother.
He acted fine, all P's happy, eating, playing, jumping, but I now did see him lie down a little slower than normal. One day he had a lump on his sternum, I took him to the main vet(in the practice) who aspirated it, & said it was bruise & it would dissapate on it's own. He was glad it wasnt serious ohmygod_smile
Week later Copper was doing that stomach breathing, so we returned to the same vet, assoc was on that day & rushed him into xray--3 of the 4 lobes of lung were full of cancer!-We tried to save him with treatment & chemo, but he lived only 2 weeks-
Even then, he acted OK like we thought the chemo was working & we'd have more time...I went out for an hour one day, & when I returned he was gone...My heart broke into 10000 pieces.

So I do know what you went through, how deceptive it was, and how these kitties hide their pain!!
You didnt overlook anything, & there was nothing you could do...
Please forgive yourself, It had nothing to do with you--Cats have their own agenda, we dont have anything to do with it...You gave him the Ultimate Love & Devotion, all you could give..
Wish I could give you a real HUG Knowing what you went through...You were a wonderful bean & you were Loved.
Hope you find peace one day with this..When I do I'll let you know__ Hugs & love from us!

 

{{{{{{Kosmo & Kathy}}}}}}}

 

((((Kathy)))) Thank you so much for sharing Kosmo with us and for sharing his story. You did the right thing by not prolonging what could have been a very distressing few days or weeks. My last GA kitty, Boots, also had a similar illness and we didn't notice any real change in him until the last few days. Cats are definitely so good at hiding their illnesses and pain. My DH and I also made the decision to help Boots cross very quickly after we got the diagnosis because he was only going to get worse, not ever better.

My heart is breaking for you, knowing how much you loved Kosmo. I pray that you may find peace in remembering the happy memories of Kosmo and just how special of a kitty he was. Hugs!

 

Kathy, thank you for opening yourself to this pain again to share Kosmo's story, but it is part of the healing. Never doubt that you were a good furmom to Kosmo! They do hide thier pain so well, I like to think they are trying to spare us as we try our best to care for them.

And thank you for sharing Kosmo's true name with us. I'm sure all his LL cousins knew it and sang him to the Bridge as he should be remembered.

 

thank you for sharing Kosmo with us....i know how truly painful it is to re-live what you've been through....

sending prayers your way to find comfort in knowing Kitty Kosmo was loved by you and he loved you back....

it's ok to share with us....we are here for you.....

(((((Kathy)))))

 

(((Kathy and DH)))

Thank you for sharing this. Your questions are two that all of us in your position have asked ourselves. My only answer is that a decision made out of love can never be wrong. My first kitty, Grace, had a tumour on her heart. I hadn't seen her symptoms either - the vet discovered a heart murmur when she went in for a dental. She was home with me for a few weeks after her diagnosis, but one day she started to breathe with her mouth open. I called the vet to come to the house to set her free. She was breathing better by the time the vet arrived, but once you have seen your cat in respiratory difficulty, you do not want to see it again.

I am so sorry that Kosmo (I love the name!) was hit with this cancer so quickly. It seems that he had good quality of life right up until the end, so that is a blessing. I believe in my heart as well, that you chose the right path.

I am keeping you and Kitty Kosmo in my thoughts.

 

:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: Kathy, DH and Kosmo :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:

Thank you, Kathy, for sharing Kosmo's story. We will all remember this wonderful "Kitty" and the great love he shared with his family.

Ella, Edward, Rusty, Stu(GA)

 

Now I'm all teary eyed again as well!! I am glad you came back to tell Kosmo's story .. we all loved him and we all grieved with you when he left for the rainbow bridge .. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: keeping you and DH in my thoughts and prayers ...

 

Awww (((Kathy ))),

Now you have completed the circle You know me about as well as anyone here...maybe just three people know that I really dislike platitudes. I don't use them ...I would rather say nothing than be trite.

You done good, girl! I already knew the 'story' so that's a given. But I was so hoping that when you posted you would post a tribute to Kosmo and you did! You know I've had a special place in my heart for him since the first time I saw his picture and it wasn't long before he 'owned' that space. But the space says 'Kosmo' not 'Kitty' and now the beauty of his face, spirit and name are one.

I know he would thank you for that great honor... If he hasn't already

Love,
C. xoxo