4/30 Trixie AMBG 96

Yesterday

Happy appy, snuggly, spunky, feisty, and anti-jinxes. But, for some reason last evening we had a random barf. She had a fabulous day - strong appy, very social, etc - so I don't know where this barf came from. It was about 2 hours after evening meds - she jumped off the couch, went into the next room, and barfed. As she almost always does so far, she did bounce back quite quickly, but of course it threw me for a loop. It's been a fair amount of time since we've had one of these barfs-for-no-reason-that-I-can-figure.

Things were pretty rough with my parents yesterday. My Mom has shifted back into extreme-pessimism mode, and when she gets like that she tends to say things she really shouldn't - and yesterday was one of those days. When I picked her up for her eye appointment, she greeted me with, "I don't think your Dad is going to make it much longer." In the meantime, we have no medical information supporting that because of course he won't go see a doctor until Tuesday, and historically speaking, there have been fairly simple remedies for how he's been feeling lately. One day the cancer will eventually win, but given the recent scans and tumor marker tests, it doesn't seem like it should be just yet. But my Mom has been saying crap like that for at least a year, though, so I really don't know how to interpret it at all at this point, but needless to say it makes me feel like I've been hit over the head with a ton of bricks. I don't think she realizes how upsetting it is for a child to hear something like that, even if the child is over 50, and even though the child feels more positive than she does. And it's currently unfounded since he hasn't been back to the doctor yet. She has always, always been very pessimistic and it is just impossible to get her to see there are positives she should be looking at instead.

To make matters worse, she has had macular degeneration in her left eye for several years; it has been kept stable with these injections she gets. But now it has started to develop in her right eye, too. UGH. The eye doc says he will make sure it does not progress, and fortunately she has had a good response to the injections with her left eye, so now we have to pray she gets the same results with her right eye. Needless to say, though, it was very upsetting to hear this on top of everything else.

Today is going to be a catch up day since I literally could not function after yesterday....

Have a great day, everyone!

Amy

 

I'm sorry things are so stressful right now. I hope your mom's attitude will change after your dad's appointment on Tuesday. Sending prayers.

 

{{{Amy}}}

I'm so sorry all that negative energy got to you. Have you ever told her how it makes you feel when she says something like that? I know it's not possible to just let it roll off your back. Sending lots of positive vines to you and your DM, and healing vines and prayers to your DF.

 

I hope the upcoming dr's appt makes them both feel better. Sending lots of vines your way and to DM and DF!

 

No, I haven't specifically said it because so far I've been trying to focus my energy in attempting to get her to see the positives and that while my Dad is definitely ill from the cancer, the cancer isn't necessarily the cause of all his problems - and that the cause can often be fairly benign and easily treated. I have also told her she needs to stop saying those sorts of things because she doesn't KNOW it to be true.

But, I am reaching my breaking point which she can probably tell by my mood, so I will have to say something next time it happens.

 

Amy!!
I don't have any tips for this at all. I know it's not fair because you are the child and you shouldn't have to hear things like your mom is saying, but I suspect that your mother is just really really scared of losing your dad now and being alone but doesn't know how to deal with it. She is unfairly using you as her sounding board and support system. I wish that you could sit down with her and lovingly explain that you don't want her to talk to you like that because there is no proof that she is right and that it upsets you terribly. Acknowledge that you understand that she is scared, etc. but assure her that whatever happens she won't be alone, etc.
I know that probably won't help with your mother and that she will continue to say these things, but it will help you because you will have openly expressed how you feel about this instead of swallowing your reply. But please talk to her because it will continue to build up in you and one day you could explode and say stuff you don't want to say.
Hugs again and prayers.