It started around June 20th. Baco was dealing with some strange complaints, she was nauseous and licking her mouth a lot and swallowing hard after licking her mouth. ( and she had a really bad smelly mouth) When she would eat, she was grinding her teeth. Because she was having vague complaints I tested her sugar and she was around 6 or 8mmol, it wasn’t really high but still! It indicates that something was off! So I called my vet with the vague complaints and that her sugar was raised a little and she would tell me that maybe Baco was having a bit of pain from a spot she had on her back. (She had a bold painful spot on her back, around the shoulder area from flee drops and it just ‘ate’ away her fur) Well I believe Petra, I trust her so I was reassured but still keeping an eye on Baco’s sugar. So in the next 2 weeks Baco’s sugar would go up and down. I would call my vet every other day with an update and after the first call, 1.5 week later Baco wasn’t eating anything anymore, although I would see that she wanted to eat! She would lurk at her food, but she refused to get off the bed and eat, and still licking her mouth. So I thought she was having stomach pains and that was causing her to feel nauseas. After 1 day of not eating I called my vet and rushed to the vets to do some bloodwork (a big checkup) The results were ok, nothing strange was seen. So my vet recommended to me to do an ultrasound because Baco was giving hints that she was having pain or discomfort in her stomach area. So this was around Tuesday 10th of July. So I called the pet hospital in Amsterdam to make an appointment for Baco’s ultrasound and we could come in on Monday 16th. But that week Baco was getting worse, not wanting to eat and still giving hints about not feeling well. So we drove 3 times to the vet that week to give her some painkilling shots and nausea shots and I got some medication for her to give her twice a day. In the weekend of 14th she was getting so much better! She was eating again, walking around the house and not giving us any signs of pain. So that Monday (of the ultra sound) I decided to call it off thinking she was getting better because of the shots and medication, and she was! So I was still giving her the medication twice a day and she was getting better but wasn’t getting 100%, she would stay around 70% the Baco I knew. But as long as she ate and was happy and not hinting she was in pain, I wanted to wait to see if she would get any better in the next few days. Eventually on Thursday 19th I didn’t trust the situation (I already had a feeling that she had a tumor, it was like I knew already 3 weeks ago) So I called my vet again and we decided to do the ultrasound on Friday 20th in the evening, and Vincent (BF) joined me, I didn’t want to go alone because I already knew I would get bad news and I knew I couldn’t handle the situation on my own. Well so we went, the doctor was really nice to us and she saw Baco was stressed out so she didn’t shave her belly, she just did the ultrasound and after looking really good for 5 minutes she said ‘This is not good’. She showed us a big black spot that was connected to her intestine and it was pressing against her stomach. It could be 2 things she said, the first of course was a tumor and she said that the change of it being a tumor was really big (around 70/80% change that it was a tumor) the other option was an inflammation / cyst that was causing this. The option ‘tumor’ is a malicious kind she said and if it was a tumor nothing could have been done anymore. If it was an inflammation it could have been removed via a surgery BUT that surgery would be really dangerous and the change that she would survive that was little. And if she would survive it, the only way to cure everything was giving her for a long period of time prednisone, which will cause her to get diabetic AGAIN and she would need insulin. Both ‘options’ for me were bad news and wouldn’t be anything that I would start with to cure her. I mean, the only ‘reason’ I would (if it was an inflammation) start the surgery was for my own selfishness to keep her longer with me, even it that would mean that she would be diabetic again (if she even survives the operation). So the doctor wanted to do a biopsy from the ‘black spot’ but Baco didn’t want to do that anymore, she was SOOO fed up with all the vet visits and she didn’t allow it so I said ‘you are not going to do this, Baco doesn’t want to do this and it’s ok’. So she said to me that I could bring Baco in another day to do this procedure under narcosis but immediately I said ‘NO’ we are NOT going to let her suffer anymore! We know now that it’s a tumor OR (a very little change) an inflammation and that’s enough info for me and I know that if it’s an inflammation I’m NOT going to do anything about it because this is very risky and selfish to let her go through all those surgeries, prednisone, diabetes again. I’m not going to do this and ASK from Baco! So the next morning on Saturday 21th I called my vet Petra and told her the news, she didn’t saw the ultrasound pictures just yet but as I was telling her the info she was looking up the email the hospital send to her and she was in shock. She didn’t saw this coming. I said (very honest) ‘Petra, what are we going to do? There is nothing we can do, and what I WANT to do for her if it is an inflammation’ So I cried and cried on the phone with Petra and she knew….. So I said ‘Petra, when is the right time? Is there ever a right time?’ She said ‘no there is never a good time, you can wait, but I wouldn’t wait too long because maybe tomorrow she will suffer more than yesterday, we didn’t know how long she would be able to eat and enjoy life much longer. So I didn’t say the words, but Petra said very carefully ‘Ruby… would you like to do this today?’ So I cried sooooooooooo hard (But I already decided for myself that that was the best option before I picked up the phone) and said ‘Petra, no I don’t but I think I have to do this now!, If I plan a date, maybe in a week I will come home from work every day, I will cry every day, and I will count the days/hours/minutes. I don’t want that for myself and not for Baco, she is my life, my baby, and I don’t want her to know that mommy is sad because of her in her last few days.' So we drove to the vet on Saturday and Baco gave me a few kisses and hugs and she went the way she was. It did take a while until she was really gone. This was because she was still healthy (healthy heart, organs etc. So we where right on time to do this) She was fighting the sleeping injection, she wanted to stay with us (which BROKE my heart) but it was the best for her. She wasn’t ‘sick’ in my mind, she was the Baco I knew. The moment she was sleeping (not gone yet) she was just like I knew her and the way I always saw her sleeping. So it wasn’t scary. I was there with Vincent until her last breath. I’m super sad because I miss her so so much, but I know I’ve made the best decision I could have made for her. She didn’t suffer, she wasn’t in pain (maybe a little discomfort) but until her last day/moments she was enjoying life. The Friday after the ultrasound Vincent said ‘you should give her EVERYTHING in the world she wants! So I did, I gave her 3 cans of wet food, she was like ‘what is going on here?’ but she enjoyed every last minute of her life with us. I’m extremely sad, but the idea that she didn’t have to go through agony and she could do anything until her last moments gives me peace with the situation. I will miss you so much my baby but you will no longer suffer or have to deal with pain. Mommy loves you and I will always cherish every minute I had with you. We've had 11 years together and you where my special baby kitty. My heart is broken but I know that you know I did this out of love for you, I wouldn't want you to suffer any second longer!