Before Jester was diagnosed, I put food down in front of him and he ate it. Over the last several months, I have to beg, cajole, plead, warm, add water, warm, add water, warm, switch foods, move the food around in the dish over and over and over and over again just to get him to eat a small amount of food, all the while walking to wherever he moves in the carpeted dining room, because for whatever reason in the world, he won't stay in the kitchen to eat anymore. And each of those addings, warmings, movings, and whatever generally take place within the span of less than a couple of minutes. This morning after almost an hour of all of that, he might have eaten about a quarter can of food between two different cans of totally different kinds of food - one medium carb and one low carb. On top of that, Bastian, one of my other cats, is dealing with a tumor in his jaw and I can't just put his food down for him to eat either. I have to start with the pate broken into pieces, then, when he moves into the dining room too, I have to change the texture or warm it so he'll eat. And when he's done, he doesn't just leave the dish. He has to paw the floor around the bowl to "cover it up" - which means if there's anything on the floor near the dish, that winds up in the leftover food. So I have to watch him while I'm shifting back and forth between the kitchen and wherever Jester has moved so I can grab the bowl before he gets anything into it. And my third cat, Sage, won't just eat her food - she has to eat whatever the other cats are eating, pushing them out of the way. So I have to get her into the bathroom before either Jester or Bastian can eat. She generally has to stay in there until Jester and Bastian have finished or I simply can't take going back and forth and back and forth just to convince Jester to eat something so I can try to get his weight back to something healthy again. And if I'm lucky, I might even get a chance to have some breakfast before 10:00AM. This goes on all day long - whenever I try to get Jester to eat. Most days I don't get to bed before 2:00AM because the standard here is to test, test, and retest all day long and if I ask for help on Jester's dosages, I'm criticized for not having enough mid-cycle testings or pre-bed testings. And I can't sleep in to make up for the late nights because I have to get up to give Jester his AMPS and insulin and start everything all over again. I can't have a vacation from this freaking life because I don't have any money and I can't leave for more than a few hours in the day. On top of that, there's no place to go. I've been stuck inside for nearly a week because of the crappy weather. I was supposed to see a counselor on Tuesday but the cats kept me up until after 4:00AM and I still had to get up to take care of Jester. I'm doing this all by myself with no one who cares about me anywhere nearby to give me any relief. This morning, after nearly an hour of all of the above, trying to get Jester to eat, I started shouting at the poor things and chased them out of the dining room just so I could feel like I could have something to eat and drink myself. And I feel like a monster about it all. But I don't know what to do anymore.