Am I Overreacting?

Good Morning!

Am I being overly sensitive? I called the Vet School yesterday to find out when and where I could pick up Kitty's ashes. I was expecting them to give me the name of a Crematory to contact OR to tell me that the crematory would be in touch with me. But, instead, I was told that her ashes would be MAILED to me and that I should have them by the end of the week. Make no doubts about it---- I DO NOT like this. It seems highly insensitive to me, but my emotions are a little stretched at the moment. So, tell me--- Does this seem insensitive or am I overracting. While I wait for your comments, I will be calling trying to have the package stopped.

FWIW-- Chewy doesn't like it either!

Thanks!

 

Re: Am I Overracting?!

That does seem insensitive, especially since they didn't tell you to expect Kitty to arrive in this manner. I seem to recall other posters on the board mentioning that "dearly departed's" ashes were delivered or were on the back porch when I arrived home from work, so maybe it's a somewhat normal occurance???
Still insensitive how they handled it with you. geez!

 

Re: Am I Overracting?!

No, I understand perfectly. Can you call them and tell them you want to come pick her ashes up? And when you do, I would tell them you feel they are insensitive and seem uncaring.

 

Re: Am I Overracting?!

Okay, I am even MORE UPSET. I Called the Creamatory and they don't have her yet. The vet school told me yesterday that she was picked up Tuesday. SO, where is She? I will insist on seeing her before she is cremated--- if not, I will never believe it is her ashes. It would be in both parties best interest to find her.

THIS IS NOT FAIR

 

Re: Am I Overracting?! UnBelievable...

No, it isn't fair. And it's not right that they are adding to your stress. Breathe, Kim, breathe. Will it help to think that the ashes aren't Kitty any more? She has a permanent place in your heart - that is where she rests, not in a crematorium.

 

Re: Am I Overracting?! UnBelievable...

Kim sweetheart,
I have walked EXACTLY in your shoes and know how emotionally ANGRY you are about this. We lost our cocker while we were away from home for an extended time. Since we couldn't put him directly into our Angel Garden, we had him cremated to bring his ashes back here. I paid $150 to have him cremated, they told me it would be 2 weeks before I would get them. OK...so I wait...two weeks...'Oh I'm sorry', they're not here yet'....then two and half weeks...still not here....then three weeks. DH was getting more and more upset as each day passed. After over 3 weeks, I went into their office and demanded to know EXACTLY what was happening. Seems the owner of the crematory that they used had gotten very ill and hadn't taken care of anything. I sat there while they called him and told him I would drive ANOTHER 60 miles to pick up his ashes TOMORROW so they'd better be done. I didn't tell DH I was having to drive 120 miles round trip, I just told him I had shopping to do and Samuel would be with me when I returned. Luckily he DID get it done but all the crap was just full of SO much pain.

I agree with Sue - that's NOT KittyGirl, KittyGirl's sitting on your shoulder. That body was only a means to allow you to touch her - KittyGirl is her SPIRIT which still lives right there with you where she knows love.

Go TELL them you don't WANT them mailed!

BIG HUG,

 

Re: Am I Overracting?! UnBelievable...

Hi Kim,
You are NOT overreacting! I've only had one kitty cremated (Winkie), and in his case, the vet sent him off, and had the ashes in the sealed container mailed to them, and then called me so I could come pick him up. I think mailing the ashes directly to you is pretty insensitive and impersonal, so I would at least suggest to the vet school that they make arrangements in the future to have the ashes shipped to the cat or dog's vet.

I agree with Lyresa, it won't be "Kitty" in the container. It will just be a beautiful reminder to you of your special girl. Something you can see and touch for those days when you don't notice she's still sitting on your shoulder.
I don't even know if there's anything in Winkie's box, as it was sealed when I got it. But it doesn't really matter to me. What is important to me is that anytime I walk through the living room and see it sitting on the table or the bookcase, it brings back good memories of the time we spent together on this world, and reminds me that I'll see Winkie again one day (and next time, he'll be able to "see" me which he was never able to do during his earthly life).

So, you call them, and you TELL them what you want and what you expect!

Hugs,
Carl

 

Re: Am I Overracting?! UnBelievable...

No, you're not overreacting. They're.not thinking.

:YMHUG:

 

It is amazing when you talk slow and clear to someone what you can get accomplished!

Kitty's body was still at the Vet School--- After they claimed it had been picked up Tuesday. It is no longer there-- it is now at the Crematory. I will pick up her ashes as early as tomorrow. It seems it is now a priority with all involved! For three hours today, No one could account for her body-- unacceptable by my standards.

I am breathing St. Sue! Really, I am!!!

Thanks for the support!

 

I agree Kim, it’s not professional or sensitive to handle this in this manner. They need to know about it and change their policy.
So sorry you have this added stress to deal with. Hugs and prayers for some peace coming your way.

 

No it is so horrible
I am so sorry you have to go through this
I remember coming home to ashes on my front step not knowing they were being mailed
to my home
I just remember crying like crazy
I am so sorry you have to endure this after everything you have been threw
Hang in there..

 

I'd suggest that someday soon, when you are ready, set down and calmly write them a letter. Explain how upsetting this whole episode was for you, at a very difficult time. Suggest how things could have been done differently and better. Maybe they will be more sensitive with the next kitty parent. Then you and Miss Kitty will have paid it forward, one more time. :YMHUG:

 

Oh, Kim! I'm getting steamed reading your post - NO overreaction from you and NO sensitivity from them! I have never heard of such a thing; I'm sooooo sorry you're having to go through even more pain. I do like Sue's idea of writing them a letter. This sounds like common practice with them and maybe nobody has ever objected.

Glad you made progress today, but sorry you had to do so much to make it happen.

Continued prayers and hugs!!

Libby (and Hershey, too!)

 

The only thing I can say, and it is NOT in their defense, is that this was a "vet school" rather than at a vet practice, so I am guessing that they don't normally handle stuff like this? They don't see kitties often enough to establish a relationship with the beans (although in Kitty's case, they are familiar with both her and with you).
I am hoping that if you do what others have suggested....sit down and write a letter explaining to them how this made you feel...that they will include "bedside manner" as a part of the curriculum for their students in the future (or at least modify whatever course they now offer). That way, vets that leave there will be better equipped to deal with the humans who depend on them in situations like this.

I am glad you were able to communicate with them effectively, Kim. I'm thinking they now realize they screwed up and how that makes pet parents feel.

Hugs,
Carl

 

About 15 years ago, I had my cat Ronnie PTS as his cancer came back with a vengeance. A friend from work had had her cat/dog cremated, and offered to take him to her vet to be done. I called them several times to make sure I could pick up his ashes. Never getting a response, I found a box in the mail. I was HORRIFIED!!! How DARE they do that to my precious baby? I swore NEVER AGAIN!!! Perhaps, the vet schools, and vets need to have a list of places available that you can take your baby; as well as the offer to handle it for you. I have since had Ronnie's litter mate Elsie, and my dogs Murphy and Kirby done at a local pet cemetery/crematory. It wasn't all glitzy, but the people there were wonderful. They explained how it was done, they told me what they generally do, explained they could do group or individual cremations, and gave me the choice to see the equipment they used. Nothing high tech. But I had the confidence dealing with them, that I got MY baby back. I even helped place each one into the thing and remained there when they first turned the gas on. It was hard, but I said my goodbyes, included photos and flowers with each, and the following day or two later, either went back to pick them up, or they were personally delivered to me. The people that operated it were extremely empathetic! I've recommended them to several friends, as I was truly pleased with the service they provided me.

It's unfortunate that some of the people we trust with the lives of our pets aren't always the best choices to address their needs after death. Best thing we can do is encourage them to offer up options and be as empathetic/sympathetic as possible. Think about your local funeral directors. They are all about comforting you and helping you through those most difficult decisions. We need to seek out the same (or at least prepare ourselves and/or ask the questions of HOW things are handled) when it comes to our pets.

Unfortunately, these kinds of decisions are often made hastily because of the circumstances surrounding the death. It's something we all probably need to lok into from time to time in preparation for when we need to know.

 

While the events of today were inexcusable to me, I don't want to let the actions of possibly a few individuals cloud the overall experience I received at the Vet School. Until today, everything had been very compassionate and very caring. Today was horrifying-- not being able to account for Kitty's body for three hours and the news yesterday that her ashes would be mailed to me. But, overall the care and treatment was first class and very compassionate.

Like with all things, a few people not following through and being responsible can overshaddow everything.

Yes, I do intend to contact the patient representatives and write a letter, as today was totally horrifying to me.

While I say this is a vet school-- and it is--- It is also a state of the art Vet Hospital. They probably deal with a lot of deaths, as you have to be referred unless you go through their emergency department. They primarily deal with animals that have conditions that warrant their advanced diagnostic tests. So, "most" of the animals are fairly sick or complex that go to the hospital. So, it is fair to assume they lose a lot of animals--- they need to be certain that the after life treatment of the animals, matches the exceptional care they give the living.

I just wanted to be fair in my comments.

Yes, I am unhappy with her final treatment. But, No, it is not a reflection on the entire facility.

 

Good grief I cannot believe you had to deal with all this. They need to get it together. It is awful that some places mail the remains to the owner! I had no idea what to expect but my old vet called to say they had my pet back. I sent DH to get it. They had them in a cream colored plastic box with the Rainbow Bridge poem on the front & it was all packaged in a pretty purple bag with a silver heart & tied with a pretty bow. I was surprised & impressed.Gosh,I guess I need to be asking what the policy is at the new vet. I'm sorry on top of everything else you had to deal with this. Hopefully they will have her ready tomorrow & the entire experience will be better. :YMHUG:

 

Oh Kim I really can't believe this. I have never heard of the crematory mailing ashes. I would have totally lost my mind. I don't think I would have been able to be or talk normal.
The vet specialist came to my house in 2003 to help Kacoo to the bridge after it was done she hand me a cat angel pin that I wore on my shirt for a month. She made us promise her that we won't bury Kacoo something about city laws. She recommend the crematory that they used at the Vet Hospital she practiced at. She was off for the day & told us if we would promise to take him there then she wouldn't take him back to the clinic. This is where it gets a little weird..just a warning. She told us what to do with Kacoo until the next day when the crematory was open. Leaving out the details....we put Kacoo in the refrigator over night. Yes, I would go to the refrigator, open the door & just break down & cry. When we took Kacoo to the crematory the next day. They were so nice. Gave us a tour, explained the process to us. They had urns & boxes for us to look at, even offered to order something out of books they had on display. Which we did. We went back in a week & picked up his ashes already placed in the box for us.

My brother & best friend had dogs in Oklahoma cremated. The ashes we delivered to the vet or they had the option of picking them up from the crematory.
Same thing in Dallas, Tx.
Reading your post makes me understand your anger. Like I said I would have lost my mind.
So you ask are you over reacting....NO! Be Mad. Be angry. You have every right.

 

No I don't think you over reacted at all!
In your time of grieving Kitty to be treated so was like rubbing salt in the wounds.
I am glad they figured out where dear Kitty's body was, but there is no excuse for it.
I hope they will learn to ask others how they want the ashes handled.
I have never dealt with this as I live in the country and all my babies either passed at home or my vet allowed me to take them home to bury them. I have many kitties and my sweet Daisy dog buried under the trees.
And remember Kitty is not whats left of the empty shell of her body, it was her spirit that gave it life and it lives on and you will know it, she is right there with you and you will sense her as you work your way through the grief of missing her with you in her bodily form.
(((HUGS)))

 

Wow, I honestly can't believe you had to deal with this. You did not deserve this at all. For what it's worth I think it is horrid that they would think they could put a beloved pets ashes in the mail. I suppose they could ask and if someone preferred that method, that'd be one thing, but they should ask if you would rather pick them up. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in the day to day of their jobs that they just don't think or have common sense.